Get Equation For Successful Relationship

There is recipe for happiness in a relationship. I’ve often heard it at bridal showers as each woman gives advice about what will make a marriage work.

You hear stuff like, "Don’t go to bed angry," "Communication is key" and "Have a lot of sex."

There’s even a Happy Marriage Recipe.

It requires:

4 cups of Love
2 cups of Loyalty
Dash of Faith
3 cups of Kindness
4 cups of Understanding
1 cup of Friendship
5 spoonfuls of Hope
1 barrel of Laughter
Pinch of Forgiveness (no substitutions)
Dash of Thoughtfulness (not optional)

But what about attaining a happy, healthy relationship before marriage?

Experts at AskMen (yep, this didn't come from a woman's magazine) say that there are two important factors to people breaking up in the first place. This includes happiness and stability.

There are equations that will help you determine if you are really in a happy relationship.

The first is OUTCOME = REWARDS - (COSTS x 5)

Experts say that every social interaction provides rewards and costs. A reward brings pleasure and a cost is anything that is unwanted. Also anything that causes frustration or distress is a cost.

It is also important to weigh negatives more strongly than positives, so it’s not that you are negative as you may have been called in the past. It’s just you are human.

To make up for each negative, there needs to be five rewards. For some reason, this got me to think about a person’s love tank in the 5 Love Languages. The book says it’s important that the love tank does not get on empty. Maybe while dating this is called the Like Tank.

But back to rewards and costs.

If a woman is on a date with a man and he is very attentive, compliments her, holds her hand, talks of an impending vacation and likes a solution she came up for a problem at work but criticizes her new hair style, it’s a rewarding experience for her.

I absolutely believe this equation can provide perspective on a relationship.

It kinda goes back to what my mother has told me in the past. You have to weigh the good with the bad. If the bad outweighs the good then there’s a problem. However, there will be some bad.

The second equation is SATISFACTION OR DISSATISFACTION = OUTCOMES – EXPECTATIONS.
This one gets a bit sticky because it deals with expectations. And our expectations are based on our past experiences.

The example provided that if a woman is used to a rewarding relationship in which her former mates were handsome, intelligent and generous, she will feel she deserves good outcomes immediately in a relationship.

On the flip side, if she is used to a troubled relationship, a rocky road in a relationship will not make her head for the hills as quickly because she’s used to tough situations.

Hmmmmmm. I’m used to tough but as soon as things get tough I’m like hold up, wait a minute, whew, wait a minute, whew maybe I’m not cut out for this stuff.
So I’m not quite sure about this one.

The third equation is DEPENDENCE OR INDEPENDENCE = OUTCOMES - ALTERNATIVES.

The experts say this one deals with a woman’s perception on if she thinks she can manage without you.

This means that if she thinks she could have a better life with someone else, she’ll keep it moving.

By using the equations, it can be determined if you are in a

1.) happy, stable relationship
2.) unhappy but stable relationship
3.) happy but unstable
4.) unhappy and unstable


So after reflecting on the equations, what type of relationship are you in? Do you weigh the good and bad in a relationship? The 80-20 rule says you will only get 80 percent of what you need in a person. Do you believe in the 80-20 rule?

Share your comments with me here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Vow To Deal With Challenges, Changes

I went to the first wedding over the weekend since getting my divorce in Februrary.

I was wondering how I would feel, but it wasn’t something that I was overly concerned about. Nevertheless, because I’m very in tuned with my feelings and emotions I wondered how I would do.

After all, it was the first time that I was seeing vows being exchanged since I had to break the vows that I made before God, my family and my friends.

Yes, I broke the vows. And that was one of the hardest things for me to accept about getting a divorce. Yes, it hurt that we couldn't get it together. Yes, it hurt that my parents have battled storms for more than 50 years and remain together. Yes, it hurt that I was feeling like 14 years of my life was going down the drain.

But when I stood on my wedding day and exchanged my vows, I had every intention of making my marriage last forever.

Any who. As one of my friends stood before his family and friends and pledged his love to his bride, I could feel his sincerity. It oozed from him with every word.

He pledged personal vows to her as she did to him.

It was absolutely beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

He said, and it seemed to be off the top of his head although I know he had to have practiced, how much he loved her and that she was his friend. He said he promised to nurture their marriage and their friendship.

Whew! No tears yet I thought to myself.

She said, and it was just as natural and genuine as his vows, that she promised to support and nurture his dreams and goals as an individual.

OK, that tugged at my heart a bit, but still no tears.

I’m doing good, real good.

But then the officiating pastor said, "Remember, it is not the man’s job to make his wife happy." And then, "Remember to keep God in your marriage."

OK, I agree. Amen, from the woman in the back with the black and purple dress on. Amen. Amen.

"It speaks in the Bible how a man is not meant to be alone and a man who finds a wife finds a good thing."

Preeeaaach, that's the book of Ephesians. Yes, yes, yes.

"This is your best friend," he told my friend. "Don’t let anyone come between you, not your parents, not any children, not your friends, and not your (fraternity) bruhs."

"Good stuff," I said inside and I likely mouthed.

But then he talked about staying committed to each other "during changes and challenges."

Before I could tell the tears to stop, they stood up in my eyes and rolled down my face.

Whew! I thought. "Changes and challenges" say it all.

Because in any relationship and particularly a marriage, accepting the changes and challenges that occur can be tough.

And there are going to be changes and challenges.

"Don’t cry D," my bff and co-hostess whispered in my ear.

I got it out and regrouped quickly. Dab, dab, dab to my face because I didn’t want to mess up my makeup and I was soon back to specfabulous.

I couldn’t help but reflect on my drive home about the challenges and changes.

The challenges and changes got the best of my marriage. That’s why I couldn’t fight back those tears. But just like those tears, challenges and changes will come when least expected.

What do you think happens in a marriage or relationship that causes them to fail? Are the people just not right for each other? Do people outgrow each other? It is the challenges and changes?

Share your thoughts here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

'Love Like You Haven't Been Hurt'

Sorry, a blog topic idea escaped me for today. I usually write about sex for Friday Fun.

With the passing of Michael Jackson, I couldn't get the words to come together today.

MJ's loss is huge and every time I hear his music, I am rushing back to memories of my childhood. Wow, those were the days.

Any who.

"Dance like nobody’s watching;
Love like you’ve never been hurt.
Sing like nobody’s listening;
Live like it’s heaven on earth."

-Mark Twain

New Undies Equal Cheating?

I didn’t want to have to go there, but I made a left turn onto Cheating Lane.

What makes a person cheat?

South Carolina’s governor has put this atop my mind. He is the one who disappeared. He told his family he was hiking or some shiggidy like that and was in Argentina with his mistress.

Wow! He traveled far for some diggity.

Any who.

I heard part of his apology. "She started out as a dear friend," the tearful governor said.

I wanted to throw my shoe at the TV.

Then I think of President Bill Clinton and presidential candidate John Edwards and many others.

And then I think about how guys, married and single, tell me, it’s no problem whatsoever getting a woman to spread her legs.

Sex is goin’ a penny a pop, ummm I mean a pump these days.

But then I also think that adultery and wandering eyes may be a bit hereditary. This is something old folks have said, and I’m not quite sure they are too off with that theory.

It may also be a learned behavior also. If pappa was a rollin’ stone, heck maybe the daughter or son are too and it’s not even their fault.

But no matter the cause of cheating there are signs according to an infidelity expert. Yep, an infidelity expert -- I didn’t even know they existed.

Telltale signs deal with physical appearance, how the person relates to you, their day-to-day behavior, personality changes, absences, computer use, eating habits and many more.

I’ve heard the physical appearance line. Yea, if they are all jazzier than usual all of sudden watch out dere now. Experts say a change may mean he or she is cheating.

But this isn’t necessarily always the case all the time.

I have a gf who I encouraged to throw out all of her undies and just start over. While visiting her one day, I caught her in the middle of getting ready and ummm I was speechless. My jaw was on the floor because her undies were despicable. I’m sorry but they were just awful. Sorry guuuurl!

We went shopping and picked out what would be the beginning of a new underwear drawer. I love pretty underwear so I think every woman should. I may even start a pretty panty revolution -- who is in?

But never in my wildest dreams would I think that her significant other would misinterpret the new undies to mean something else. They actually ended up discussing the need for the foxy undies and she was asked to remove the sexy undies while on her way to a social function and put on the "grannies."

Yep, I can’t make this stuff up.

Absences I think are more of a dead giveaway. I mean disappearing for hours at a time unexplained is ummm suspicious, so I’m all in on this reason.

Day-to-day behavior is absolutely a dead giveaway. People get nervous when they cheat and eye contact diminishes.

Eating habits seem like a ridiculous sign, but I had one of my guy friends tell me that he had a friend who was expected to eat with his wife everyday. If he came home full, his wife would grow suspicious. Wowsa Yowsa.

I do think that the beginning of an affair may begin with dinner or lunch but that type of suspicion would make me run for the hills. But hey, he knew not to go home full. But would that really keep him from cheating? Don't think so.

So who cares what makes a person cheat. What are the signs of cheating? Have you ever been cheated on and did you see any signs? What were the signs? What did you do differently when you cheated?

80 percent, yessireee, 80 percent of marriages and committed relationships deal with cheating hearts so you are not alone.

I think I’ve been cheated on before, but never had any real evidence. The main sign for me was distance. We would be together but not really together if that makes sense. We would be sitting in the same room and worlds apart.

Share your comments with me here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong.com.

Va-ja-jays Can Be Ugly

Hold up! Wait a minute.

That was my response when I read on a Web site that included comments from a man who didn’t have sex with his wife until they were married and was repulsed by the way her Va-ja-jay looked.

Huh! What? Really?

"I had no idear," in the words of Madea, Tyler Perry's character.

As usual, I’m just reading and minding my own business and then I read on the Vagina Institute's web site that a man doesn't like to look at his wife's prize.

Here's what he wrote: "A while back, I met this beautiful woman and fell in love with her. We waited to have intercourse before we married. The first time I say her vagina, well it was not what I expected, I love her with all my heart, but I cannot get past the way how her vagina looks. It is really odd and strange, nothing like what I have seen in the past with former girlfriends. Read the rest.

Again, I had no idear.

But I guess Va-ja-jays are supposed to look a certain way.

According to the Vagina Institute, "the essence of womanhood resides in beauty of form, function and size. The more symmetrical, the more even, with perfect dimensions and color will create and give way to beautiful female sex organs. To the contrast, the more asymmetrical, uneven with large dimensions and uneven color tone will give way to the ugliest of female sex organs."

Because this had me soooooo baffled, I had to ask a friend who I knew would be honest with me.

And before I go any further, I don’t know if what makes an ugly Va-ja-jays ugly is subjective. This is something new to me.

Any who.

An ugly one is more protruding, not fat lips but the insides are fleshy and hanging on the outside. And a pretty one is more cut like a sideways smiley face when first seen. The labia, vulva and hood and all the parts and pieces are nicely tucked inside in their appropriate places.

Whew! Again. I had no idear.

In addition to worrying about hair and outfits and staying in shape, now women gotta figure out if their Va-ja-jay is ugly?

I'm not gonna lie. I had to ask, I just had to ask him. I'm a lady, so I'll keep the answer to myself.

But I know y'all gonna be looking and wondering and asking your significant others, "Is it ugly?"

And I guess guys use the terms "roast beef" and "kebabs" to describe ugly ones.

I had no idear.

So if you ever were called Ms. Roast Beef, dere it is. It's the ugly type, but I guess it is necessary for me to say that some guys care how it looks and some guys don't. So keep hope alive if you have a Kebab.

So did you know there was such a thing as an ugly Va-ja-jay? Have you ever seen an ugly one that repulsed you? Would you stop dating someone with an ugly one? Do you think someone has stopped dating you because you have an ugly one?

Share your comments or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Hello, Meet My Representative

"Hello, my name is Darlene," I will say when I first meet a person, but are they really meeting Darlene.

Yea, folks may get a sense of my personality and if more questions are asked and time spent, one may learn more about me, but is it really me or the me that I want people to see.

I went on a date with a guy who believed in telling a lot, yea, a lot.

And because I like to listen to folks, I listened. He told me things about his childhood and how he thought he had to fight for attention. He told me about a previous relationship that was teetering on emotional abuse. He told me that he never touched the hair of a woman that he lived with.

Yep, ladies it was weave. Get that weave outcho hair so your man can touch your hair, but I digress.

When I told him that he sure reveals a lot, he said there's no need in you meeting my representative and then meeting me later.

Hmmmm, he's right.

While talking to some friends recently, the topic of meeting a person's representative came up again.

The representative is best described as revealing only the good, only the confident and well-adjusted person.

But how long does it take to really get to know a person or do you ever? I hear married couples who have been together for years saying, I'm still learning things.

Soooo, is it only natural to reveal the good things about yourself to a suitor.

I see dating a bit like interviewing, so I wouldn't dare go into an interview and reveal my shortcomings. If I get the job, however, the supervisor is sure to learn more about me -- the good and bad.

But it may not be the best idea for me to go to the interview and say I really don't like sharing my workspace, although I really don't. I hate to come back to my desk and my TV is changed, my computer monitor is tilted and my chair is readjusted. Hate that!

But because I dislike it so much it would likely come out after getting the job.

When dating, I reveal the considerate, nice, understanding Darlene to suitors. They will eventually find out that I am not pleasant when upset, but who is?

Sooooo are you meeting the real person or a representative when dating? Do you reveal a lot about yourself soon? And how long does it actually take to really know a person? And for my married peeople, do you ever really know a person?

Share your comments here or email me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com

Listen And Learn

Some things have to be asked directly, but sometimes it is necessary to just shut yo mouf and listen.

Listen carefully, I mean really intently, to what a suitor says and he or she will tell you more than you ever will learn by asking a question directly.

But if you happen to ask a question directly and he or she gets all upset and bent out of shape, more than likely the person is offended because he or she has something to hide.

I mean think about it. Duh, they are defensive because he or she has something to be defensive about.

Anywho.

I’m trained to listen and over the years, my listening skills have sharpened. My interviewing skills have also improved. I get people to tell me way more than I need to know and this is good. It’s always better to have too much than not enough when I sit down to write a story.

On dates, on the phone or in texts, I learn to listen, well read with texts.

When guys talk about previous relationships, I inquire and then I listen. I hang on to every word.

When guys talk about their families, I listen. I listen for the frequency that they talk about their family members, too. I listen for disdain when they talk about family members.

Heck, one’s family has shaped them into who they are so if you have the luxury of going to a family function, forget about the outfit. Put on your glasses and clean the wax out of your ears and check out the landscape. You will learn why he or she acts that way.

I listen to previous experiences. Has he traveled? What does he get excited about when he talks? Does he like his job? What’s his passion?

This may sound awful, but I listen for illnesses --- diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol – because I don’t want to be involved with someone with a dead DI. These illnesses require medications that often kill DIs and desire.

Now, I’m not soooo cold that if I were to find out someone that I really like or love had one of the aforementioned illnesses that I would pack my bags, but errr uhhh, I’m really not trying to date someone who is already poppin’ pills.

Nope don’t want to be a nurse.

One of my gfs tells me I sure have my eyes open to everything and I do. I don’t miss a thing.

Are you a good listener? Do you think you can learn a lot from a person if you just listen to what they say?

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Does Size Matter?

You've heard it before. Size doesn't matter, but is this true or a bunch of gawbage?

I thought I would start by dealing with the female's anatomy and take a quick trip to the Vagina Institute. No lie, it exists.

At the institute, I learned that all Va-ja-jays are different. And I'm not talking about dry or juicy. I'm talking about the size.

But then the institute wanted me to pay so I skipped class and found my information at another site, www.revirgination.com.

I learned that the farther into a Va-ja-jay, the deeper it gets. Here are some measurements, yea, measurements.

"Usually the front part of vagina has a size of 1 1/2 inches. As we go deeper in to the vagina, the diameter is larger. The backend of vagina usually has a diameter of 2 1/2 inches. The length of vagina also changed. The front vagina wall has the length of 2 inches and the back end is 3 so the total is around 6 inches."

And just when I thought I was gonna have to put on my MBA cap to understand all the numbers, the information got good, real good.

"The average woman can handle 9 inches long and 2 inches wide."

Yea, that's right ladies and don't coward in your chair just yet fellas.

Before you go measure your goods, get the information on the DI.

According to wikipedia, uh huh, wikipedia, "While results vary across studies, the consensus is that the mean human penis is approximately 12.9–15 cm (5.1–5.9 in) in length with a 95% confidence interval of (10.7 cm, 19.1 cm) (or, equivalently, 4.23 in, 7.53 in). The typical girth or circumference is approximately 12.3 cm (4.85 in) when fully erect."

Wowsa Yowsa. I am gonna have to use my MBA to understand all this and I will never see the exercise 6 inches the same.

The average DI is 3 inches shorter than the length of an average vagina. At least according to my research.

With all that said, one of my friends recently told me that his brother-in-law told him that Extenze works.

You've seen the commercial, the pills promise to make DIs take a stand across the nation. Well, take a stand and grow taller.

The company says, "Bigger Harder Erections Longer Lasting Erections Better Than Ever Sexual Pleasure!" And let me not forget it says, "Make Your Partner Happy."

My friend said he asked his sister, "Did it really work?"

She was a bit shy, but her cheesy cheese cheese would indicate that yeppers, it worked.

But is it really size or technique or sexual chemistry? Hecks, I'll answer that. All of the above.

But I'm not sure if it has to be gargantua gigantic because is that really comfy. Hmmmm but if it's a shorty-mack-a-DI (LOLOLOL) then that can't be good either.

I remember getting a call from one of my friends who woke me up out of my sleep to tell me about a guy who she couldn't feel at all. She laughed and said, "Girl, he was in and I kept saying when are you going to put it in."

I hollered in laughter.

"He was soooo embarassed," she said.

In this particular case, she said it was like a thumb. Yes, a thumb. Can you imagine?

But on the flip side, I had a conversation with another friend who said that Va-ja-jays are not the same after giving birth. So just like my gf couldn't feel the thumb, my other friend says bigger Va-ja-jays offer him no pleasure. And ummm he says he's average size.

Soooooo does size matter and would you consider taking Extenze to make your lil man a bit bigger? Ladies, would you suggest that your fella take Extenze?

Wowsa Yowsa, how do you tell him he needs Extenze, talk about an ego crusher.

Have you had too big or too small DIs and Va-ja-jays? What do you prefer bigger or smaller in either.

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Pretty Feet: A Need Or A Want?

I recently had a conversation with friends about our wants and needs.

We were sitting at a wing spot and going around the table saying our needs.

Relationship with Christ, I say.
Hardworking, my gf says.
Good communicator, another friend says.

When it comes time for the fourth person at the table to share his needs, he’s befuddled.

He says he isn’t sure, so the rest of us take another stab at our wants. And we do this a few times.

It was interesting that everyone sitting around the table basically wanted the same things, even though we all had personality traits that were more important and even educational backgrounds.

Would you date someone who has a GED? Would you date an ex-felon?

Anywho?

After getting home and reflecting on the conversation because I’m a thinker, I think deeply on what everyone was saying. And then I begin to imagine the package it comes in.

We never talked about how the people would look. We joked about height, but that was about it.

But because I recently watched Boomerang, the scene of Eddie Murphy in the bed with Lela Rochon comes to mind. He pulls the covers off her feet and is startled. He is shocked by the polish and corns, so he eases his way out of the bed.

The scene is hysterical but it is soooo funny because it is sooooooooooo true.

My friends and I sat around talking about all this stuff that we wanted on the inside and yea that’s good. We know what we want. Well three out of 4 of us knew.

But if it isn’t packaged correctly, we will likely be turned off and perhaps miss out on a prize. Or would we?

It’s impossible to have perfection, but do you think that the way a person’s eat on a first date can make you say, ummmm nope and ummm nexxxxxt.

Can their ugly feet make you think twice about going further?

What about their voice? If it’s kinda feminine for a guy or squeaky or high-pitched for a girl would that make you say nope, nope, nope?

What about ugly hands?

If a person with everything you are looking for on the inside comes along, oh she's nice and ooooweee he's nice but he has a lazy eye or missing tooth when he or she smiles, would that make you keep on truckin’ on dating lane?

Share your comments with me here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Take Vow To Show Love Daily

Today would have been my 9th wedding anniversary had I not gotten a divorce.

I have been thinking about this day for a while. Wondering how I would feel. Wondering if I would have a heavy heart. Wondering if I would get emotional.

So far, I'm Cool and the Gang. No misty eyes. No heavy heart. I am a bit introspective, however.

But had I still been married, I wonder how I would have celebrated.

My nephew and my neice celebrated their anniversary on the 15th.

To show his love and appreciation for his wife, he bought her 30 pairs of shoes and wrapped them in pink paper. He then invited friends to come out to celebrate and watch her face as she opened the shoes.

When he told me about his idea several months ago, I was totally shocked by his preparation and thoughtfulness. Well, he did buy her like 12 dozen, yep 144, roses when he proposed, so I really should not have been shocked.

What woman wouldn't be off the wall, and hanging from the chandalier happy, uh huh, hanging from the chandalier happy, if her husband or boyfriend did that.

While everyone's style isn't buying shoes and going all out, I think that people need to begin showing their love in small and big ways. I mean, why not. What do you have to lose?

I love romantic, thoughtful ideas so because I'm no longer married, I thought I would share ideas for couples to celebrate their love.

Slip a note in a purse or lunch bag or pocket that expresses your love.

"I hope your day is going OK so far."
"I wanted to sing a note but I thought I would leave you a note to say I love you."
"I love you because_________(fill in the blank).

Put love notes on the stairs in your home so that when he or she comes home from a rough day, the notes will help lighten the mood.

I recently told one of my gfs to make a trip to Ambiance and buy a nurse outfit. Her hubby had a minor surgery performed and I told her it would give him a big smile if she showed up with a tray of food or drink wearing a nurse outfit.

Every woman should have a French Maid outfit. Go get one and fix dinner, give a pedicure or clean up.

If you have kids, get a babysitter and spend an evening with your love.

On any given day, make him a hat that says King or Queen.

Fix him his fave drink when he gets home from work.

Send her flowers just because. Take her to a fave restaurant and open all doors for her, and then get in the habit of opening all doors for her all the time.

I'll never forget when I looked out the window and saw a co-worker sitting patiently in the car until her new hubby darted to her side of the car to open it for her. I smiled and it wasn't even for me.

If you know he drinks Motts apple juice, make sure your refrigerator has it. Don't run out. And then maybe give him a certificate that says Motts Apple Juice for a lifetime and sign your name.

Draw her bath water and light her favorite candle after she has had a stressful week at work.

Set up a spa in your living room.

Enroll in a massage class together, yea, I've always wanted to do that. And then heck, touch. There's power in touch.

So because I took a vow 9 years ago on this date, I want everyone who reads this blog to take a vow.

I____________(fill in the blank) promise to do something special for _________ (fill in blank with name of person you love.) Starting today, I will make a concerted effort to show in my words and my deeds my love every day. I will also be more affectionate because there is power in a gentle touch. Moreover, I will do small, thoughtful things. I will do big, thoughtful things. I will not let a misunderstanding or anger cause diviseness in our relationship. I will show my love. I will show my love. I will show my love from this day forward.

And don't break it!

Share your comments with me here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Are Mind Games For Kids?

Dating is interesting, but I have found that people like to play games.

For what, I have no idea.

Heck, I thought after people reach a certain age that mind games went out the window, but-eerrrr-uhhhh nope they don’t.

But what kills me, what really doubles me over in laughter, is when people think that their games are not recognizable.

I put my hand on my chin and say to myself, "Yep, I see you. Uh huh, I see you. I see you, and I’ll entertain this for one more second before I tell you to kick rocks cause you are wasting my time and my energy."

There’s something to be said for honesty. I like honesty. I like honesty whew I like honesty.

I vibe with a person when honesty is in the mix.

But when I look at a person and "I’m bout to try to game you" written on his forehead it’s a major turnoff.

I’m an intelligent woman and on top of that I have crazy common sense, so I see game. Yep, I see you.

There's the waiting game. You are interested but you are going to wait to call.

The bait game. This is asking questions for reaffirmation.

The playing dumb game. Oh, I didn't know that and you know you know.

The hard to get game. I'm interested but I'm not thaaaaaat interested.

The we need to talk game. I wanna see if I can make your heart jump out of your chest to see if you really like me.

Whew, these Trix are for kids.

Now don’t get me wrong, I believe I would have had to stand up in the Mind Games Self Help group in my 20s and say, "My name is Darlene and I’ve played a mind game or two in my day."

But it’s one of those things that I have put away. It is in my repertoire but I don’t see it necessary to use. I’m confident in D and if just me being me can’t keep a person interested, heck fuhget it.

I have a list of Nopes for character qualities.

I just don’t like mean, so if I see mean rear its ugly head I’m gonna have to throw up a peace sign. I have a few other absolutes, too.

But now I’m thinking I need to add mind games to the list.

For one, someone trying to game me is insulting. Ummm, "Do you really think I’m a doe-doe, cause I’m not," I want to say.

But why do people play mind games? What is the point?

I’ve read that it is reverse psychology to win a person’s affection. OOOOK, but does it really win a person’s affection or make a person say ugggg.

Well, it makes me say ugggg.

I think people confuse being interesting, mysterious, enticing with playing mind games.

We all want to entice and keep a suitor interested, so what’s the correct way to go about this.

Is it acting unavailable? Is it not answering one’s phone? Is it not calling or, in this day, texting? Is it acting soooo busy so that a person is even more interesting? Is it twisting a person’s words?

I’m not sho I’m up for the mind games, so shoot maybe I need to just sit on the sidelines until I’m ready to play mind games again?

Are you into mind games? Do you like playing mind games? Do you recognize when someone is trying to game you? I get offended when people attempt to play mind games with me, how do mind games make you feel?

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com

Women Should Learn To Follow A Man's Lead

I know the good old days are gone but I'm a traditionalist when it comes to relationships. I think a man should be a man.

What does that mean exactly?

While dating, I think a man should open doors for a woman. I think he should send flowers and give Teddy Bears. I think he should pick up the tab, yep, pick up the tab.

When married, I think he should serve as a protector and a provider. I think he should work one and maybe even two J-O-B-S to make sure his family is provided for.

And nope I'm not going to get into what a woman should do because today is National Man Day.

National Man Day is a day for guys to spend however they want, either alone or a day with their buddies doing manly things.

It is a day for all men to stand up and say, "Yes, I am a Man."

But being a man is not just watching football and drinking beer and farting loudly.

Being a man is an inner strength that exudes in everything done. Toward the top of the list of being a man, in my opinion, is treating a woman like a lady.

Something really interesting has taken place. Women are becoming men. Women are acting like men.

One of my friends shared with me that he saw a fight in which the girls, yes girls, took off their shirts before a fight. OK, I've heard of taking off earrings and that's really urban, but taking off a shirt and revealing boobies. What da fudge?

That is very masculine.

And then there are women who believe that 50-50 is OK. It's not. It never will be for me.

A relationship, married or single, can never be 50-50 at any time.

It can't be 50-50 unless both people make the same amount of money and perform the exact amount of chores around the house. And the chores have to exert the same amount of energy.

Sounds ridiculous, right? Because it is ridiculous.

But I have friends who are constantly stepping up in their relationships like they are the man. They make sure certain bills are paid. They take over. They lead. They pick up the tab.

I constantly remind them, "Stop trying to be the man." Or ask, "Why are you trying to be the man?"

Are women taking away a man's eagerness to be men? Are men no longer interested in opening doors and sending flowers because they no longer care to treat a woman like a lady? Do you feel that your girl takes on your role too much in your relationship? Do you think there is a role that women and men should play? Are you a woman who steps up to lead?

Share your comments with me here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Asking Inappropriate Questions About Sex

I'll admit, there are certain questions that should be asked related to sex when you meet a suitor and feel that things may be headed in that direction.

Sexually transmitted diseases and birth control and use of condom should be top of mind.

But this dating thing has me realizing that there are some questions that leave me a bit uncomfy.

I’m not big on the idea of revealing the number of sexual partners I’ve had, but I do like to convey that not everyone gets my jewels. Yep, jewels. Read about sharing your lover's toothbrush.

I’ve never been promiscuous but I just think that giving an exact number can open up a can of worms.

But I’ve gotten a few questions from suitors that are jaw-dropping.

Have you ever taken the morning-after pill? Whew, so is this person trying to discern if I have unprotected sex and then take the morning-after pill. Why would this type of information be needed?

Have you ever been pregnant? Dang. A light bulb goes off in my head and I’m wondering, “Is he trying to figure out if I can get pregnant since I don’t have children.”

Then there’s the how many abortions have you had?

No lie, no lie, no lie.

I had a suitor say, “You can tell me if you have had 13 abortions and can’t have children.”

I wanted to scream. I mean really, I wanted to scream.

Instead I responded like a lady. Well, a lady with a bizzad attitude.

"I’m not quite sure why you would say something like that. You are kidding, right?"

He said he was kidding, but the conversation provided a cue that there was no need to further converse with this fella.

If he was trying to be funny, his joke fell flat. And if he wasn’t trying to be funny, well, I don’t know. I just knew that there was no need to talk to this guy anymore.

Where’s the craziest place that you have had sex? Hmmm. This one doesn’t bother me quite as much, but I would rather just feel comfy enough with a person and just provide the information in a conversation.

Have you ever had sex with a girl?

Chin on floor. I’m not a homophobic but wowsa yowsa, I like boys.

But the one question, the uno question that left me shaking my head and almost caused me to spiral out of control.

"Do you give head?"

What? What? What? What?

"I just want to know."

Well I bet you do, but ever hear of tact.

Ummm ever heard that there are certain things that you don’t ask a lady?

Ever heard that some things are better left unsaid and unasked?

Have you ever been asked an inappropriate question related to sex and your sex life? Share the experience. Were you offended?

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Sleeping Position Reveals When You Fall In Love

Over the past few nights, I’ve been getting some good sleep. I mean really good sleep. You know, the type of sleep that when you awake, you think that you have overslept sleep.

It’s that wake up and you are delirious type sleep.

Anywho.

The good sleep is likely due to the nice, cool breeze that flows with ease through my bedroom window.

But my good sleep got me to thinking about sleep positions and how I like to sleep slanted in the bed. You know with my head on the right side of the bed and my feet on the left side.

Yea, I hog the bed, but ummm, it’s my bed.

When sharing this very important space, it’s interesting how I can conform. I don’t hog the bed, at least I don’t think I do.

As a matter of fact, I have found that I like to sleep in the pocket. Yep, the pocket. Sleeping in the pocket is what most people call spooning.

This position by far will help me determine if I’m really comfy with a person. If I’m a good fit. If I fit in the pocket perfectly.

And yea, it’s after diggity, so the one blog reader who thinks I date excessively and talk about sex too much, ummm, you have more ammunition. (Check out comments on previous blogs by anonymous, if curious.)

Anywho.

Couples’ sleeping positions reveal something about their love for one another.

The Love Knot is when the legs and arms are intertwined. It’s hard to sleep this way, but it clearly says I’m in love, I’m in love, whew, I can’t sleep comfortably, but I’m in love.

The Spoon, which is common among newlyweds, is comfortable and eminates feelings of safety and security.

I like the spoon, the pocket.

But experts say it indicates a dominance of usually the man in the relationship.

Yikes!

Then there’s the Royal. This is when the man lies on his back face up and the woman rests her head on his shoulder or chest.

Yea, I like this one too.

But it says that this position suggest the woman is dependent and compliant.

What da fudge is going on?

Then there’s the Zen Style. This is when couples sleep with their backs facing and their butts touching. It means they enjoy their independence, and this is common among couples who have been together a long time.

And lastly, there is the Freeze Maneuver. This is when the partners retreat to their own side of the bed. No touching. Nope, no touching and this position indicates there may be tension in the relationship.

You don’t say.

I think there is a lot to be said about the body language of a couple while sleeping. I’m not quite sure why my two faves indicate that a man is dominant.

What is your fave sleeping position with your boo? Do you think it means anything about your relationship?

Share your comments here or email me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Birth Order Affects Your Relationships

I am the baby of my family and am I spoiled? Yea, a bit.

Did I often get my way when I was growing up? Yea.

Did I have my parents and then my three siblings looking out for my best interests at each and every turn in my life? Yea.

Did I absolutely feel the love while growing up? Yea.

So did my birth order in my family influence my personality and how I respond in relationships?

I would have to say Yea.

Clearly, I know that a romantic relationship will not be the same as the relationships I have with my family members, but I think that these very close relationships speak volumes of what I expect in a romantic relationship.

And I'm not alone with this mindset.

"While other factors, such as age, race, and gender, all play a role in shaping personality, research indicates that the number one factor influencing personality is birth order," according to www.birthorders.com.

We all know about sexual compatibility, but there is also such a thing as birth order compatibility.

So here are a few personality traits related to your birth order.

First borns are bossy, more conscientious, dominant, organized, confident. First borns are also reliable in relationships.

Middle borns are best at negotiating conflict, and who doesn't need that in a good relationship. They are usually flexible and sociable. They may even end up making the best partner because they haven't been spoiled.

Some of the personality traits of the last borns are agreeable, open to new experience, easy going, creative, observant and have diverse interests.

The youngest offers fun and excitement in a relationship. Yep, that's me.

But when I got to the part about last borns can often be manipulative in a relationship, I was deflated. boooo boooo boooo!

But who makes the best mate according to birth order? Hmmmm.

Only children are somewhat like first borns but they are serious and dependable and more aloof. They also expect to receive special circumstances around them. They will often find great success in school and in their careers.

After all of my reading, it appears that only children and first borns pair good with last borns and middle borns. Shoot, I think middle borns are great with any birth order.

Two last borns are just a ball of fun and excitement and likely won't do well together. Last borns should marry a first born or middle born or an only child.

And two first borns will argue constantly.

So now, I need to ask about a suitor's love language (Read about love languages), if he has a relationship with Christ (Read about praying), and ummm are you the oldest or only child?

Based on birth order information, I should not be divorced so I'm on the phone right now to the Birth Order Institute of America to file a grievance. LOLOL

But what do you think about the connection between birth orders and relationships? Do the traits fall in line with your birth order and personality? Have you dated a particularly birth order that you want to stay way away from?

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Date Me Or Forget Me

The idea of people hooking up used to be a phenomenon among teens and younger adults, but it seems that this type of dating lifestyle is working its way into other demographics as well.

I read an article about research involving a major shift in the dating culture over the past few decades. It said "what used to be a mate-seeking ritual has shifted to hookups: sexual encounters with no strings attached."

Hmmmm!

One thing that my father, yep my pops, told me is that you have to command the type of respect that you want from a man or ummm he will treat you any kind of way.

But what is with people not wanting to date any more? Let me just say this is bad news for a divorcee cause I like to go out on dates. Booo Hooo.

I may be cornball but I like to go to the movies, bowling, shoot pool, play video games, go to the amusement park, go to dinner, go to a play, go to a concert, go for a walk in the park. Heck, I like to do stuff.

I've even heard that you can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat a server. Soooooo if you never go out to dinner, you will never know that you are hooking up with a jerk or a beeaattch.

The research said that the major reason for hookups is the age for marrying has steadily been creeping up over the years. People are putting off serious relationships to get careers going or to get advanced educational degrees.

What da fudge? Ain't dating part of getting to know a person -- their likes and dislikes? If they have irritating habits like turning into a Munch Monster when they eat potato chips with their mouths open. Or if they have a wondering eye and can't keep his eyes fixed on you because of sweet thang on the other side of the room.

Another reason mentioned in the reading is that dating is expensive.

Yea, I guess it could be, but don't every young man learn from their fathers and even mothers that you got to pay to play.

Hooking up sounds like supa fun and can be amazingly exciting for a second, but come on.

It comes with a huge loss of so much more in my opinion. A loss for the capacity for true intimacy. A loss of self respect. A loss in the value of marriage. Just a big ole loss.

We all know that sex is many people's motivation. OK, OK, OK, but dang has it really gotten to the point that women don't require nuthin', no date, no closeness, no exchange of views before jumpin' in the sack.

Do you really not care about going on dates anymore? Or are hookups just a quick and easy way to get sex and this is separate from your journey to find a solid relationship?

Share your comments with me here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Texting Nude Photos, Making Movies

There's been a lot of talk lately about teens sexting -- sending nude photos. Everytime I hear about the topic in the news, I can't help but think about adults who send nude photos.

Yes, it's wrong for teens to send nude photos of themselves because many of the photos end up in the wrong hands. The teen years are a fragile time and both girls and boys think that they can get back at each other if they show off nude photos or post nude photos after a breakup.

But what about adults? Yes, it's different because an adult should be able to make up his or her own mind but can't the nude photos still be shown off to others and posted on a Web site.

I actually remember a flier that was hanging in most of the bars in the area of a girl who was nude with the word B!%$* The rumor was that the girl had broken up with this guy and he was having a tough time so he posted nude photos of his ex-gf all around town. Dag!

But really, should adults take nude photos of themselves and send to suitors? Or allow suitors to take photos of them? With online dating and long distance relationships, it could make things interesting or could it make more regrets?

And what about making a sexually-explicit tape with your significant other?

I had this conversation with a group of animated, strong-minded guys and gals this weekend. Everyone had interesting insight.

One person said she has no desire to make a movie because she's done it. She was single with a child. Another person who had been married for many years with four children said she would in a heartbeat.

"We've been together for a long time so I would do it because it would keep things spicy," she says.

Put your finger to your cheek girl --- Psssst!

A few people with the mindset of Nope were also at the table, but what I walked away thinking is that people have gotten scared because of technological advances and how photos and videos can be shared online.

I'm with the married lady, if you are in a committed relationship and it's been long-term why not?

Although there have been many disputes after relationships fizzle over sex tapes, I would lights, camera, action in a heartbeat if I were married.

But wow, who gets the sex tape when it's splitsville?

Whew!

On the topic of would you take a photo, I say yes to that too, but I think I should not show any signs that it is me. Head off, no identifiable jewelry.

Any who.

The consensus at the table of this very lively group seemed to be mostly yes, but then one of the guys chimed in and said nah.

What? Why not?

"I'm not sure I want photos of me out there like that," he says, adding that he's not ashamed of his soldier.

OK, point taken.

But then someone says, "If I'm sending a photo I'm keeping my face in it. What is the point of sending a photo and it doesn't show that it is me?"

Wowsa Yowsa!

So what is your take? Would you make a sexually explicit video? Would you have to be in a longterm relationship or marriage or does that really matter? Would you send explicit photos to a suitor or to your signficant other?

Share your thoughts with me here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Thinking About Another During Sex

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Why am I NOT thinking about you.

If my gf was trying to come up with a poem to express her feelings about one of her new loves this would have been it.

Here's the scenario. She's diggin' him and they have passed first base.

In her mind, she keeps imagining a different player.

Yep, she is getting diggity from one guy and thinking about another.

Wow!

"I kept thinking about how much better he was," she says.

"What? Are you serious?" I respond and yep, my mouth is wide open.

"Yes, I kept thinking about him, but I do like the new guy."

Wooooo Nellie!

I'm glad that what's on folk's minds isn't put on a billboard for all to see because she would have been busted.

I remember one of my other gfs saying she gives a pat down test to make sure she isn't disappointed with the size.

"Oh, I'm not going to find myself in a very small predicament," she says and laughs. "I'm not wasting my moisture."

Wowsa Yowsa!

And you've likely heard all the stuff about shoe size, but I recently read in a very interesting book that a man's penis length is the same as the bottom of his hand to the tip of his index finger. Hmmmm. Check it out ladies!

And yea fellas, inspect your goods. LOLOLOL

But my gf didn't say it was the size or the technique or the ...

She just said she kept thinking about the other guy.

Is this a problem? Wouldn't it have been better for her to just close her eyes and hope that it would soon be over? If you find yourself thinking about a previous lover when you are with a current lover, is that a bad sign?

Geesh, I say yes. Houston, Hawaii, Hunting Valley, we have a problem. But thinking of another is actually quite common.

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Me, Me, Me, Me Don't Like Mean

I had a conversation recently with my gf's mother about mean people.

She is a newlywed and when I say you can see that she is in a wonderful place, I absolutely know it. You can tell that she is in love and she wears it well.

Although her days of going to school are over, she has a schoolgirl giggle. She has an I'm-In-Love-Glow about her. She's always had a positive outlook on life but she embodies this positivity even more now.

Her phone rang and she says, "This is my wonderful husband."

She answers and tells him, "I was just talking about my wonderful husband."

The conversation up until that point included everyone answering the question, "What is your picture of love?"

Character qualities such as loving, caring, considerate, forgiving and several other typical personality traits that we all want in a mate were mentioned.

One guy in the room said something that made me say, "Wow!"

He says, "I want a woman who has a fast recovery."

He goes on to say that he wants someone he can disagree with and even argue with but then she recovers quickly. She doesn't hold onto "stuff" that keeps them from using that experience to help their relationship grow and become stronger.

Whew!! Ummm I don't quote R.Kelly often but that's whatchu call Real Talk.

But then my gf's mother mentions kind as a character quality in her picture of love. She also talks about how nice her husband is to her.

Everybody is taking their turn and other's are supposed to wait until the list is complete before chiming in but I cannot resist. Before I know it, my lips have parted and I say, "Don't you hate it when people are sooooo mean?"

She becomes even more animated than me.

"Yes, yeeeees, yeeeees," she says. "I cannot have someone in my life who is mean to me. Her father (my gf's father) was mean and I said, ugggh, I don't want him in my life because he is mean."

I've been in a relationship in the past in which some of the meanness things were said.

Whew! If I think about it toooo long, it will make tears stand in my eyes.

I would always wonder where it was coming from. Do people have a mean vault that they open up? How can someone who seems to be nice say some of the most cruel things? Why do people go from nice to nasty in a matter of seconds?

I'm clueless on the answers to those questions.

However, I think people underestimate the importance of being nice and kind in relationships.

Nice goes a long waaaaaay.

But I still want to know. Why are some people so nasty, sooooo ugly, soooo abrasive, sooooo mean? Has experience made people do this as a survival skill? Or is mean just part of a person's DNA?

Mean being in a person's DNA may sound like a ridiculous thing to say, but I think it is. It's the only thing I can come up with.

Mean is there simmering and when a situation arises a mean person IS just mean.

Just as much as a person is black or white or short or tall, a person is nice or mean?

Nice is a quiet, natural existence. You just know that a person is nice.

Mean is also a quiet, natural existence. You just know that a person mean.

What do you think about being nice and mean? They are qualities on opposite ends of the spectrum. Can a really nice person be really mean? Can a really mean person be really nice? Do life experiences make nice people mean? Can life experiences make a mean person nice? Have you ever been in a relationship with a really mean person or a person who said really mean things?

Share your thoughts with me here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Should You Tell?

I’ve seen some pretty odd behavior in my day, but there is nothing crazier than seeing the boyfriend or husband of a friend or relative attempting to entertain another woman.

Some look at me like I have done something wrong. Some get nervous and exit the building immediately. Some play it very cool. It’s almost like he is standing toe to toe with me daring to say something.

But what the heck are you supposed to do when you see a friend’s or relative’s boo trying to get something started with a new booo?

I’ve had friends and family members who have thought about stepping out on their relationship. I could hear it in their statements. "I’m getting so tired of him."

"We don't have enough sex."

"He doesn't listen to me."

"He doesn't spend enough time with me."

When I hear things like these, I immediately go into nope-don't-do-that mode.

"Nah, it's not worth it. You may be feeling like that now, but don't even think about it," I say.

I don't believe that cheating in a committed relationship or a marriage can do anything but harm a relationship more.

Yea, it will be exciting. It will be a whole bunch of fun. But it will likely leave a person more empty than they were to start with.

I believe that working on a relationship is best and if it is not going to work then jump ship and pursue others.

Nevertheless, I know everyone doesn't view relationships like me and sometimes temptation can get to a person.

Someone that you don't know a lot about may be very attractive when "the bitch at home" gets on your nerves.

But what should you do if you know or feel that your friend is getting ready to cheat? Should you discourage it?

And what should you do if you see your friend or relative's significant other out with another?

Should you mind your own business?

My strategy is to approach the person to let them know, yes I see you and this doesn't look good to me.

But what would you do?

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Hurt People, Hurt People

One of my gfs shared a story with me that really hurt my feelings. It actually brought tears to my eyes.

She has a 2-year-old child and one of her friends was funny-acting, heck, jealous, while she was pregnant.

This friend also wasn’t very supportive once the child was born either. The friend was critical of the baby’s name. Ugg, she just wasn’t a good friend.

I’ve had a few experiences that have taught me that everyone doesn’t deserve to be called friend.

Friend is a term that should be reserved for the people who are truly loving and caring and want the absolute best for you.

When my friend told me the story about her friend not being "a friend" during her pregnancy and birth of her first child, I thought about my bff.

She was pregnant with her first child during the most tumultuous time of my life. My marriage was like a wagon that had lost a wheel. I had made a few attempts to get pregnant myself and it didn’t happen, so I could have easily been the little green monster.

But why? And how could I do that to someone I love?

There’s no way that I could have begrudged one of the happiest times in her life. No way. I was happy for her. Genuinely happy for her.

But what I’m realizing is not all friends deserve the title. And if a person still wants to call a bad friend a friend, they should know exactly what type of friend they have.

I’m the honest, silly friend to my friends. If you want the truth, I will give it to you -- straight. If you want to have a good time, I’ll be sure to pack up all the fun I can find and bring it to the partaaaay.

But some friends are toxic. There is the promise breaker, the double-crossers, the self-absorbed, the discloser, the competitor and the fault-finder, according to a book called "When Friendship Hurts: How to Deal With Friends Who Betray, Abandon, Or Wound You."

I think these are pretty self-explanatory.

I have found that I can tell different friends different things. But a wise person, once told me hurt people, hurt people.

Whew!

One more GIN -- Hurt people, hurt people.

If someone is hurt, they will ultimately hurt you. I think this is true in all relationships. Male-female, female-male, family and friends.

If you have a fault-finder, it may not be a good idea to have this person give their opinion on the poetry that you are overjoyed about creating.

The competitor may not be happy that your relationship with your boo is going so well when her relationship is going downhill.

I have learned how to deal with various friends through trial and error. I can’t tell all my friends everything. Although I wish I could treat all my friends the same, I have grown to except that you just can't.

How many friends can you tell your deepest, darkest secrets? Do you have toxic friends or have you let them go? How do you deal with your friends not being happy about your relationships or what's going on in your life?

Are you a toxic friend? Take a quiz.

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Sister Charlotte Is A Liar

The following is written in the voice of Charlotte Kelly. She is a 30-year-old Christian. She sings in the choir and is very active in her church The House Of Peace. She is an executive assistant at a public relations firm. I have introduced Penelope, Jasmine, Denae and now here is the final character in "Choosing Mr. Wrong."

---------------------------------------------------
The coffee shop is about to close, so the crowd is thinning and I’m tired even though I’ve had plenty of mocha swirls.

I bid my friends goodbye and head to my car. I adjust the volume and check the rearview mirror before pulling out of the parking space. Yolanda Adams’ “I’m Gonna Be Ready” is booming from my speakers.

I can’t help but think of another failed night out. Yea, I had fun but I have no prospects. Why can’t I get a date?

Before I get home, I stop at Speedway to fill up my Audi’s tank. My car is paid off so the least I can do is keep the tank full. When I get back in my car, I notice that I have a missed call on my cell phone.

This must be Theresa’s new cell number, so I hit send.

“Hello,” a deep, masculine voice answers.

“Hello,” I respond. “I’m sorry, I have the wrong number. I thought you were my girlfriend.”

“Is this Charlotte?”

“Yes, this is Charlotte.”

“This is Peter. I am a Member of Men At The Cross. You just left our performance at The House Of Job and Java.”

“Yes.”

“And I wanted to talk to you before you left but you slipped out before I could get over to you.”

“Yes.”

“I was wondering if you would be interested in going out some time.”

“Yes,” I said like I was in a yes trance. “Ummm, which one of the members are you Peter? I mean, what were you wearing tonight?”

“I was wearing a blue shirt and I sing lead,” he says.

“Yippee,” I think and then I realize I wasn’t just thinking it, I actually said it.

“Charlotte?”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I say.

I know I’m not supposed to lie but I try to cover by saying, “a place where I wanted to grab a bite to eat is still open. I’m sorry.”

“What place is that?”

“Ummm, ummmmm, The Wing Spot on 152nd Street.”

“Oh, well do you mind if I meet you there. I’m nearby.”

“Ummmm, ummm, sure, but how did you get my number again?”

“I got it from one of the ladies you were with tonight. She thought I was interested in her but I told her that I wanted to get in touch with you.”

“Oh, OK. Well, I’ll see you at the Wing Spot.”

“I’ll be there in 10 minutes,” he says and ends the call.

I am not near 152nd Street. I just lied. Oh Lord, I know I am not supposed to bear false witness but I was trying to figure out a way to get out of the yippee slip.

Lord, so please let me get to The Wing Spot before him and please let the place still be open. Please Lord. It is 1:30!! Oh, Lord, please let it still be open.

I do a U-turn and begin breaking speed barriers to see Mr. Peter. I’m excited but I’m more nervous about him finding out that I have started out lying.

“Oh, Lord. Please let me beat him there.”

The Wing Spot is finally within view. I’ve driven what typically takes 15 minutes in 5 minutes. Whew!

I pull in the parking lot on the side of the building and jump out the car.

“Oh Lord, please let me have beat him here.”

As I dash through the door, to my right, I see that royal blue shirt I had given so much attention earlier in the evening.

“Hi, Charlotte,” he says.

My heart is beating like I’ve been on the elliptical for an hour.

“Hi, Peter.”

“I thought you said you were near here,” he says.

“I was but then I realized I didn’t have any more cash on me so I ran to the ATM.”

“Oh, I was going to buy your food. After all, this is our first date.”

“OK,” I say while hoping that my smile isn’t too big because that was sooooo sweet.”

“Thanks, Peter. I really do appreciate that.”

“What would you like?”

“A polish boy, two wings and some fries with sauce,” I respond.

“So are the polish boys really good?”

“Yes, I love them.”

We grab the food and decide to go to his place to eat and continue talking.

I am really enjoying the conversation so I do not want the night to end. He works as a library administrator. He has two brothers. His parents are still living. He likes to golf, swim, shoot pool and play racquetball. He loves to watch movies and of course he likes to read. He attends the Make A Joyful Noise Church.

We’ve talked incessantly about our interests, our likes and dislikes for the pass 3 hours. I can’t believe that we really have so much in common. And that he is so easy to talk to.

I look down at my watch and he notices that I have started watching the clock. It’s Friday so neither of us have to get up for work in the morning but it is getting late.

“Charlotte, would you like to stay with me tonight?”

Yes, I say in my mind. But this time it is not verbalized. “Peter, stop playing.”

“I’m not playing. I don’t want you to have to drive home because it’s so late or so early,” he says and laughs. “I have a spare bedroom so you can sleep there.”

“Are you serious?”

“I’m dead serious. You shouldn’t be driving by yourself this late.”

I wondered for a second why he offered me the spare bedroom, and then it dawned on me, duh, I told him I’m celibate.

“Whew! Maybe I should not have talked so much, dang.”

He grabs my hand and leads me upstairs.

“This is where I’ll be sleeping,” he says as he points to the first bedroom we approached. “And this is where you will be sleeping,” he says as he points to a bedroom down the hall.

He hands me a pair of his shorts and a white T-shirt to sleep in. I can’t bring myself to tell him that I sleep in the nude.

“Good night, Charlotte.”

I close the door and get undressed. All the way undressed and get in the bed. The bed was comfortable and the room smelled so good.

I sure hope he knocks before he comes in, I think to myself.

I may have been sleep for about an hour before I felt Peter’s presence beside the bed.

“What’s wrong Peter?” I say as I look up at him standing in his boxers.

“I can’t stop thinking about you? And it seems so wrong to have you down the hall and I not be able to be closer to you.”

He continues, “I respect that you are celibate. I just want to hold you.”

“Peter, I didn’t actually put on the T-shirt and shorts you gave me,” I say and point to a chair in the room where I placed his items.

“Can you hand me the T-shirt?”

“You don’t need the shirt. I told you I respect that you are celibate,” he says as he climbs in my bed. Well, it’s actually his bed.

What do you think of this character? Is she interesting or boring?