I went to the first wedding over the weekend since getting my divorce in Februrary.
I was wondering how I would feel, but it wasn’t something that I was overly concerned about. Nevertheless, because I’m very in tuned with my feelings and emotions I wondered how I would do.
After all, it was the first time that I was seeing vows being exchanged since I had to break the vows that I made before God, my family and my friends.
Yes, I broke the vows. And that was one of the hardest things for me to accept about getting a divorce. Yes, it hurt that we couldn't get it together. Yes, it hurt that my parents have battled storms for more than 50 years and remain together. Yes, it hurt that I was feeling like 14 years of my life was going down the drain.
But when I stood on my wedding day and exchanged my vows, I had every intention of making my marriage last forever.
Any who. As one of my friends stood before his family and friends and pledged his love to his bride, I could feel his sincerity. It oozed from him with every word.
He pledged personal vows to her as she did to him.
It was absolutely beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
He said, and it seemed to be off the top of his head although I know he had to have practiced, how much he loved her and that she was his friend. He said he promised to nurture their marriage and their friendship.
Whew! No tears yet I thought to myself.
She said, and it was just as natural and genuine as his vows, that she promised to support and nurture his dreams and goals as an individual.
OK, that tugged at my heart a bit, but still no tears.
I’m doing good, real good.
But then the officiating pastor said, "Remember, it is not the man’s job to make his wife happy." And then, "Remember to keep God in your marriage."
OK, I agree. Amen, from the woman in the back with the black and purple dress on. Amen. Amen.
"It speaks in the Bible how a man is not meant to be alone and a man who finds a wife finds a good thing."
Preeeaaach, that's the book of Ephesians. Yes, yes, yes.
"This is your best friend," he told my friend. "Don’t let anyone come between you, not your parents, not any children, not your friends, and not your (fraternity) bruhs."
"Good stuff," I said inside and I likely mouthed.
But then he talked about staying committed to each other "during changes and challenges."
Before I could tell the tears to stop, they stood up in my eyes and rolled down my face.
Whew! I thought. "Changes and challenges" say it all.
Because in any relationship and particularly a marriage, accepting the changes and challenges that occur can be tough.
And there are going to be changes and challenges.
"Don’t cry D," my bff and co-hostess whispered in my ear.
I got it out and regrouped quickly. Dab, dab, dab to my face because I didn’t want to mess up my makeup and I was soon back to specfabulous.
I couldn’t help but reflect on my drive home about the challenges and changes.
The challenges and changes got the best of my marriage. That’s why I couldn’t fight back those tears. But just like those tears, challenges and changes will come when least expected.
What do you think happens in a marriage or relationship that causes them to fail? Are the people just not right for each other? Do people outgrow each other? It is the challenges and changes?
Share your thoughts here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.
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