Thursday, March 12, 2009

Sex Is As Easy As Brushing Your Teeth

Sex is an intimate act and should not be engaged in without serious thought and consideration. In other words, people should be picky when choosing someone with whom to lie down.

And nah, I’m not going to say if you lay down with dogs, you get up with fleas.

My feelings about sex and my Va-jay-jay go back to when I became “a missy.” Ladies, y’all know what I’m talking about. Fellas, ask somebody if you don’t catch on soon.

When my mom realized I had become “a missy” she told me that it was very important that I do not give myself to every boy because what I have is really special. My mother looked me straight in the eyes and said, “You are like a treasure box. You are full of rubies, emeralds, pearls, sapphires (and that’s my birthstone!) and diamonds. So whenever you decide to give yourself to someone you are giving him one of your jewels.”

My mother is old school. She was a virgin when she got married and she was trying to explain the birds and bees to me at my tender age on the most basic level that she could.

I think she was quite successful! I’ve never been promiscuous and while I can’t claim that I was truly deserving of a white dress on my wedding day, it definitely shouldn’t have been a deep cream, or beige, like some brides should wear.

But I’m wondering why more mothers didn’t or don’t share the “treasure box story” with their daughters because I hear women, who are sometimes raising children, openly saying, “I F$%^&* Him!”

Ummm, WHAT? Did you really just say what I thought you said? Ummm, did you just reveal who you shared your jewels with? Ummm, do you know that he is married? Ummmm, do you know how you sound?

Uggg!

I might be a lil old-fashioned in my thinking but ladies shouldn’t talk that way.

One of my friends, and not that kind of friend, a friend, friend – for real, for real -- explained to me how he looks at a woman differently if he gets it too quickly. And yea, all guys are different.

Heck! Determining what is too easy, as an adult, is like walking a tightrope at the circus so no wonder there’s soooooo much confusion.

Should I just have oral sex with him? Or should I just get bucket A$$ wild 'cause shoot “I ain’t had none in a while.”

Well, here we go hoooooes, here we go.

A good way to gauge if the guy you are dating should get IT is by performing the toothbrush test.

Yeah, he’s sexy. And oohhh, his arms. And ahhhh, his flat abs. And oooh, it's so hard. But would you use his toothbrush?

Ah, shiggidy! "Use his toothbrush?" I hear as hands are put on hips and fake nails pop off and necks loosen and heads full of weave jerk from side-to-side.

Yep, dere it is.

‘Cause some of y’all don’t even have any more jewels.

1 comment:

  1. I agree. I wasnt told I had jewels, but it was imparted on that I should be selective as well. When I got to a certain age and started noticing how attractive the opposite sex was. I had a very close family member explain to me about "going fishing and being careful about where I stick my pole". I never forgot this conversation, even after I realized that the opposite sex found me to be attractive as well. When I was a freshman in college, I also had an older, more experienced peer explain to me that is not good for every female on our campus to know what you are working with. In my youthful zeal for interacting with opposite sex, I was becoming alarmingly promiscuous. He explained, "That there is something to be said about leaving something to the imagination." If you go out and strew everybody, then everyone will already have a first hand account LOL! There goes any wondering. I think this is true for both sexes. Self value is a virtuous quality. It should be taught regularly to our children and at an appropriate age.

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