One of my gfs shared a story with me that really hurt my feelings. It actually brought tears to my eyes.
She has a 2-year-old child and one of her friends was funny-acting, heck, jealous, while she was pregnant.
This friend also wasn’t very supportive once the child was born either. The friend was critical of the baby’s name. Ugg, she just wasn’t a good friend.
I’ve had a few experiences that have taught me that everyone doesn’t deserve to be called friend.
Friend is a term that should be reserved for the people who are truly loving and caring and want the absolute best for you.
When my friend told me the story about her friend not being "a friend" during her pregnancy and birth of her first child, I thought about my bff.
She was pregnant with her first child during the most tumultuous time of my life. My marriage was like a wagon that had lost a wheel. I had made a few attempts to get pregnant myself and it didn’t happen, so I could have easily been the little green monster.
But why? And how could I do that to someone I love?
There’s no way that I could have begrudged one of the happiest times in her life. No way. I was happy for her. Genuinely happy for her.
But what I’m realizing is not all friends deserve the title. And if a person still wants to call a bad friend a friend, they should know exactly what type of friend they have.
I’m the honest, silly friend to my friends. If you want the truth, I will give it to you -- straight. If you want to have a good time, I’ll be sure to pack up all the fun I can find and bring it to the partaaaay.
But some friends are toxic. There is the promise breaker, the double-crossers, the self-absorbed, the discloser, the competitor and the fault-finder, according to a book called "When Friendship Hurts: How to Deal With Friends Who Betray, Abandon, Or Wound You."
I think these are pretty self-explanatory.
I have found that I can tell different friends different things. But a wise person, once told me hurt people, hurt people.
Whew!
One more GIN -- Hurt people, hurt people.
If someone is hurt, they will ultimately hurt you. I think this is true in all relationships. Male-female, female-male, family and friends.
If you have a fault-finder, it may not be a good idea to have this person give their opinion on the poetry that you are overjoyed about creating.
The competitor may not be happy that your relationship with your boo is going so well when her relationship is going downhill.
I have learned how to deal with various friends through trial and error. I can’t tell all my friends everything. Although I wish I could treat all my friends the same, I have grown to except that you just can't.
How many friends can you tell your deepest, darkest secrets? Do you have toxic friends or have you let them go? How do you deal with your friends not being happy about your relationships or what's going on in your life?
Are you a toxic friend? Take a quiz.
Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.
I have allowed myself to be involved with so called friends who brought this type of drama into my life, and as I have become older, I am chooser about who I consider to be a friend, or allow very much access to my personal life. I have learned, and saved myself much heartache by choosing "friends" who have the same or similar values, who respect me, and who make me feel good about myself. Anyone else is just an acquaintance. If I can't trust you, how can I call you friend?
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel about knowing how your friends are and treating them accordingly. I have one *friend that is extremely selfish, has jealous tendencies, and will take advantage of people and situations if allowed to. Because I have his "number", I deal with him on a "long handled spoon." Ironically, he really doesn't deserve the "friend" title, but because of how long I've known him, it's just easier to describe him in one word...perhaps "associate" is a better term, but I digress ;-)
ReplyDeleteFor those people who can't handle my happiness, or are wallowing in their own misery and want someone to share that with them, I tend to create distance. I certainly wouldn't share my happiness with them since they couldn't congratulate or bless it. We all go through tough times, but I am an encourager, so I would hope that a true friend could return the favor to help me move forward with a positive attitude. I don't blend well with negative energy; whether it's jealousy, gossip kings & queens, haters, non-congratulators, incessant complainers and mfs in general that depress or sour good moods and vibes. Life is too short to be weighed down unnecessarily. And a fake friend is like that extra weight that weakens your suspension, so you're best bet is to dump it.
Open, yes these type of people do bring heartache.
ReplyDeleteTanq, I'm with you on the can't congratulate. If a person isn't happy for you, fo real fo real, they are not your friend. Folks who are constantly criticizing aren't either :)
I think a friend inventory should be taken every year. Who helped during difficult times? Who did you help? :)