I remember attending a dinner party about three years ago and hearing about a bestseller book, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.
The man talking about the book said, and people can tell you anything, he was happily married.
Most of this happiness was due to understanding his wife’s love language. I cleared my throat and turned my bionic ears on. I was all over this conversation. Happy. Love. Language. Satisfying. Fulfilling. Happy. Exciting. Fun.
Ummm, did somebody say happy?
Mind you, his wife wasn’t at the party so I couldn’t see her face and gauge for myself if she was happy.
And then I was thinking about something one of my girlfriend's pastor said, “If you want to know the state of a marriage, look at the wife.”
Nevertheless, I thought he was really excited about the book and how it helped his marriage so I said what the heck, I’m getting it.
I remember going out a few days later to an area bookstore to pick it up. I thought this could be the key to a happy marriage and understanding my husband and he understanding me.
When I got the book, I read it from cover to cover, OK, OK, OK, I skipped around a little bit and went back because I wanted to understand these Five Love Languages with the quickness. They are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.
After reading and skipping around and reading, I determined that my love languages were Acts of Service, Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation. I show love in those ways.
Acts of Service is ummm, exactly what you may be thinking. Service! Cooking, washing, cleaning. All those fun and exciting things my mother said I should do for my husband.
Physical touch is ummm, exactly what you are thinking too. Diggity fa shiggidy, but also kissing, hugging and holding hands. You know, affection.
Did you realize that the tip of the tongue is highly sensitive but the back of the shoulders is least sensitive? The book also says the tips of the fingers and the tip of the nose are other extremely sensitive areas. Mmmmmm, Eskimo kisses might be worth trying.
And then words of affirmation is when we affirm our mate. This is using words to build a person up. “You look good in that dress.” “Thanks for taking out the garbage.” “I love that meal you prepared for me.”
So, I have determined how I show love, but how do I need to be loved?
Hmmmmmm.
Quality time jumped off the page and sat beside me. How Uuuuuu durrin?
And physical touch is something I truly enjoy and not just diggity. I really like to hold hands, have the back of my neck touched and my feet rubbed.
And then there’s words of affirmation. Pre-divorce I might not have said this, but I’m like a runaway slave so I get to say what I want. I love compliments.
If I get my hair done, I want a compliment. If I get foxy fabulous, tell a sistah she is foxy.
Knowing your love language doesn’t mean that the other languages should not be involved in the relationship because gifts, yep gifts, are good. Help around the house is also good.
However, identifying your top three love languages provide a better look at how you show love and if you are showing the love that your mate needs -- ummm, one more gen. Identifying your top love languages provide a better look at how you show love and if you are showing the love THAT YOUR MATE NEEDS.
If you aren't, a little change here and there may be necessary.
But what is even more fascinating about this book is that it talks about how we all have LOVE TANKS and if our mate knows that our love language is words of affirmation, he or she can keep that LOVE TANK full by paying compliments.
It’s crucial to have our LOVE TANKS FULL in relationships, ummm good relationships.
If your mate is buying gifts and you need quality time, the LOVE TANK may not be empty but it’s not filling up as quickly as it could if there was a date night.
So the next time I meet a guy I will ask, What is your name? I'll wait for him to answer and then tell him mine.
What do you do for a living? Uh Hum.
Do you have any children? OK.
Do you have a personal relationship with Christ? Ahright.
And ummm do you know your love language?
I am currently engaged. I have also recently began pre marital counseling. In the first session. We did the love language questionaire. I loved it. We found out alot about each other. Somethings were evident and others were surprising, but refreshing nevertheless. The most powerful and appropriate language of all is LOVE. If you are willing to apply the methods that speak to your partners sense of being loved, believe me, its worth it. I am so glad to have come up on this info. So glad we came up on it together. It brings instant credibility and potential longevity to our relationship. Love me baby, speak to me, oooh say it again!
ReplyDeleteI read the five love languages too. Infact, I attended the seminar Rev. Gary Chapman presented his book. I am very in touch with MY OWN love langages -- two. I agree, if the tanks get empty -- (man or wife) it can be a problem.
ReplyDeleteOverall I think the book was right on target -- Get the CD if you don't have time to read it.
I remember talking about this book many years ago. What I remember the most is that you and your mate may speak different languages. Meaning if I love words of affection I'm going to give word of affection. That me speaking my language. My mate on the other hand may like to buy gifts and that's him speaking his language. The problem comes in when I am not HEARING the words of affection but he is thinking I am SHOWING you my affection with the gifts I give you. Now he thinks you are unappreciative and you are thinking he is insensitive. Its one thing to know what language you speak the hard part is translating the language your mate speaks. I think that's the main purpose of the book. Do get lost in translation!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou want to talk love language? There are only two, maybe three. 1. A lady in street and 2. a freak when it is bedroom time. 3. know your way around the kitchen (maybe). I did not want to give this away because I was planning on using it again but, life is just not fair. That is why church girls are my favorite.
ReplyDelete