The idea of people hooking up used to be a phenomenon among teens and younger adults, but it seems that this type of dating lifestyle is working its way into other demographics as well.
I read an article about research involving a major shift in the dating culture over the past few decades. It said "what used to be a mate-seeking ritual has shifted to hookups: sexual encounters with no strings attached."
Hmmmm!
One thing that my father, yep my pops, told me is that you have to command the type of respect that you want from a man or ummm he will treat you any kind of way.
But what is with people not wanting to date any more? Let me just say this is bad news for a divorcee cause I like to go out on dates. Booo Hooo.
I may be cornball but I like to go to the movies, bowling, shoot pool, play video games, go to the amusement park, go to dinner, go to a play, go to a concert, go for a walk in the park. Heck, I like to do stuff.
I've even heard that you can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat a server. Soooooo if you never go out to dinner, you will never know that you are hooking up with a jerk or a beeaattch.
The research said that the major reason for hookups is the age for marrying has steadily been creeping up over the years. People are putting off serious relationships to get careers going or to get advanced educational degrees.
What da fudge? Ain't dating part of getting to know a person -- their likes and dislikes? If they have irritating habits like turning into a Munch Monster when they eat potato chips with their mouths open. Or if they have a wondering eye and can't keep his eyes fixed on you because of sweet thang on the other side of the room.
Another reason mentioned in the reading is that dating is expensive.
Yea, I guess it could be, but don't every young man learn from their fathers and even mothers that you got to pay to play.
Hooking up sounds like supa fun and can be amazingly exciting for a second, but come on.
It comes with a huge loss of so much more in my opinion. A loss for the capacity for true intimacy. A loss of self respect. A loss in the value of marriage. Just a big ole loss.
We all know that sex is many people's motivation. OK, OK, OK, but dang has it really gotten to the point that women don't require nuthin', no date, no closeness, no exchange of views before jumpin' in the sack.
Do you really not care about going on dates anymore? Or are hookups just a quick and easy way to get sex and this is separate from your journey to find a solid relationship?
Share your comments with me here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.
Good piece, Jeezy! All seems to be true in my mind.
ReplyDeleteI think people hook up as a way to avoid failing at a commitment. If there is no emotional attachment then who can get hurt. However, Physical relationships, committed or not, can lead to hurt. A man naturally does not want his concubine(s) to be intimate with another man. A woman naturally internalizes the physical feelings from sex. Its one thing to hit and quit it but if you have a friend then you have created a relationship. There is where people lie to themselves. Because a friendship requires commitment.
ReplyDeleteDating has always been an important/necessary aspect of courtship, which in today's society, seems like an antiquated practice. How else do you get to know who/what you're dealing with? I think the main reason why folks don't date "like they used to do" is because it has become less important for some women. I will attribute most of the responsibility to my kind because dating for the most part has always been about women. And when women stopped caring about dates, or stopped needing dates for men to achieve whatever their desired goal is ____ (fill in the blank), dating declined. "Hookups" are an easy way to get sex, but they're also an easy way to open yourself up to getting a whole lot of other things that you didn't ask for.... In the end, people will make the decision based on what's best for them and what they're looking for. I'm old school, so sincere interest and time needs to be put in before we proceed further.
ReplyDeleteA lot of guys who just hear the title of your blog/book already think that you're a male-basher so one would think you are hating on the men (and sometimes the women too) and their "hookups"!! LOL
ReplyDeleteGood piece! I like the way you include your research.
Thanks yall for reading and yea Tootie, there is an unsaid type of commitment involved. Emotions are involved way more than people are willing to admit. Tanq, yes it is on the woman. Women who don't want to date are selling themselves cheap.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, I'm not hating at all. People choose their on paths in life. I'm just not going to take a stroll down Hookup Boulevard LOLOLOLOL
ReplyDeletedating is fine when it's not used as an "activity" to keep you from dealing with the emotions of a breakup or a divorce. Some have fooled themselves into thinking they're dating consistently because it's healthy when the truth is they are dating to get over someone and stay in denial about their loss. If one is doing this they won't be able to enter a long term healthy relationship because the people/person they are dating are just fillers for a cup they can never fill.
ReplyDeleteIf you are coming out of a marriage or serious relationship, give yourself TIME before jumping into some else's emotions. Don't bring old baggage to new relationships. AND, be real and true to the healing process.
Thanks (this) Anonymous, and I know you think I date too excessively but I think I got this.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. This topic seems to be a popular one right now, with opinions swaying from one extreme to the other.
ReplyDeleteI'm a little old fashioned and I believe in dating for all of the reasons that you stated. However even I have shyed away from dating lately (not to the hook up phase) just to being alone. Too many women (I've come across) seem to see a date as an opportunity. Not to get to know the person your on the date with but to try and take home extra food to feed the fam. Once ... okay, Twice ... hmmmmm, Thrice .... never with me .... next!!!!
ReplyDelete