Sexual Compatibility: It's There Or Not

What happens if you meet someone and you like everything about him or her? Evthing, but then the sex is no good.

After three strikes in baseball, the umpire says, "Yourrrrr Out!"

So in a relationship, if the sex isn’t that good, should a person get the ole heave-ho?

I’ve had experiences in which I just give a fake smile and say OOOOOK. But I’ve had other experiences that brighten my smile, my skin and my day.

I prefer the after-effects of the latter experience. But does that mean that I’m more sexually compatible with that person?

Hmmm.

Sexual compatibility isn't all about great sex. It’s more like the difference between Fu@&!#% and making passionate love.

I found some good information, so I thought I would share the love.

To be sexually compatible, two people should have mutual likes and dislikes of touch.

I once had a person who groped and grabbed at me in a way that made me feel invaded.

"Ouch, that hurts," I would try to say calmly.

But in my mind, I would be screaming, "My boobs are not cantaloupes. That hurts you idiot!"

Another very important part of sexual compatibility is sexual positions and types of sex enjoyed.

We all have preferences, but clearly some people love one type of sex over another.

Compatibility would also include if the people involved like the way the Va-jay-jay or DI feel. Not too tight, not too loose. Not too big and not too small.

Timing is also a big factor. If one likes action first thing in the morning and the other loves it at night, Houston, we have a problem.

When is not the only factor with timing. The other timing issue is the longevity.

If a Mr. Premature Ejaculator is involved with Ms. Go Long And Strong, that’s likely not gonna be a "perfection combination,
lovers you and me
a perfect combination,
we fit to a tee,
perfect combination."

Oh, sorry, Johnny Gill and Stacy Lattisaw hit me.

Location is also a big deal in this whole sexual compatibility thing. If someone is very regimented and only wants IT in the bedroom, someone who is interested in kitchen sex will be displeased.

There are emotional psychological aspects of sexual compatibility, too.

This involves how much time a person spends thinking about sex and wanting to be seduced throughout a day.

Hmmmm.

I once found myself in a conversation, shoot, debate with a person about the importance of seduction throughout the day. How the build up is foreplay? How there is excitement when a note, call or text is received. Do you know this person thought I was off my rockers?

How important is sexual compatibility to you? Rate it from 1 to 10. Have you ever been in a relationship and you knew in your heart of hearts that you weren’t sexual compatible? How did you deal with it?

Read more about: sexual compatibility. You can also take a sexual compatibility quiz.

How Soon Is Too Soon?

In the midst of a recent conversation, a friend joked with me about being on the rebound.

We were talking about my new found happiness and how I didn't seem to shed many tears.

My immediate answer to being on the rebound was a big, fat absolute NO.

But I had to give it more thought.

Some things I let go in one ear and right out the other. Other things I let bounce around for a bit and then let go.

This one was bouncing around like a big ole orange beach ball in my head.

Hmmmm.

What is a rebound relationship?

A rebound relationship is one that occurs shortly after the breakup of a significant love relationship.

Shortly after? Is that a month or 6 months? What is shortly after?

And of course, I did a little reading about a rebound relationship and it says that 4 out of 5 people who remarry within a year after a divorce end up divorced again.

Hmmmm.

One marriage with two dogs and four kids rush into my mind. He divorced and soon remarried one of my good friends. So they beat the odds. Congrats!

But then another part of what I read about a rebound relationship caught my eye. "It is a distraction" and "It is a connection to another person that keeps us from having to experience the full extent of the emotional pain of our recent breakup."

"A distraction" and "keeps from having to experience the full extent of the emotional pain" jump off the computer screen at me.

And I stand toe-to-toe with it.

I keep reading and it said, "fear being alone."

Hmmmmm.

Nah, that’s not me either. But just as I dismissed that ridiculous thought, a true fear revealed itself. Wow!

Yea, I fear that when this life ends that my obituary will read, "She leaves a host of nieces and nephews."

Whew! That's the painful truth.

In fact, it used to be one of the saddest things for me when I wrote obituaries in my first newspaper job.

I remember getting those obits and thinking "Wow, why didn’t she have any children?"

But I have decided that if Mr. Right never comes along that I can adopt, although I never imagined being a single mother.

But back to being on the rebound.

I haven't been divorced a year yet but I believe it was over waaaay before we decided to throw in the towel. And I cried and prayed and cried and prayed and cried and prayed. So I believe I have grieved the loss.

Nevertheless, my mother and my bf's mother have mentioned that I did not let any grass grow under my feet, and I haven’t. And why should I?

I have dealt with my feelings. I have a few regrets. I understand things I could have done differently. I feel like it's time to move on with my life, and ummmm not repeat my same errors and be a bit more discerning about the things I want and things I definitely need from a potential mate.

But how long should a person wait after getting a divorce or relationshp to start dating? How long should a divorcee wait before getting remarried? What do you think is a sign of being on the rebound and have you ever been?

There's also a quiz to take to find out if you are in a postscript relationship. And here's another quiz about to find out if you are on the rebound.

All false to first quiz and this was the result of the second quiz.

"Your score is 5. Congratulations! You're over it!! You've let go, healed your heart and are ready to open up to somebody new."

Your Secrets Are In Your Toes

Toes are not just made to be shown off in cute sandals or nibbled on during diggity sessions.

Your feet say something about you.

Before you say, this chickypoo has gone stonecold crazy, read a little more.

I like to know stuff. And I've covered several different types of stories because of my journalism career. I really like to say I know a little bit about everything.

I may not necessarily agree with everything I learn but heck, I like to know.

I try to use experience as a learning experience and there is really something sexy about a smart man.

Any who.

I love to get massages. I love to get pedicures. I love reflexology. I really like to be pampered, but what human doesn't want to be rubbed on in a soothing, calming, comforting way.

Once I got a massage, and I really thought I was going to have an orgasm. I'm not sure what the guy was doing to my hand but it sent shockwaves through my body and then I fell asleep.

This was my first massage ever in which I fell asleep. So there's power in touch. And super hero power when a person knows how to touch you just sooooo. And ummm that's why holding hands is important.

In another experience, the masseuse asked me if I wanted my stomach massaged.

Hmmm.

"I've never had my stomach massaged before," I tell him.

"It's really good for you and it will help your body get rid of waste," he responds.

Well fewey, you only live once.

"I'll try it," I say.

He begins rubbing my stomach in a pattern that seemed to be following my intestines. It really hurt at first and because I usually don't hold my tongue, I tell him it hurts.

"Yes, it will hurt because I'm massaging the waste that is built up in your intestines," he says.

Uggg.

But when nature called, I realized that what he did worked miracles.

OOOOK, enough of that topic.

This same guy gave me a refloxology treatment to my feet.

I was paying close attention to every place he touched and how it felt. But he blew my mind when he told me that I would be getting my cycle soon. He knew this after applying pressure to my ankle.

What! What! What!

And yes, he was right.

So I try to keep an open mind.

With all that said, when I heard about foot reading I was intrigued. What can my feet say about me? What can suitors' feet say about them?

Well, a lot and it has nothing to do with pedicures.

Jane Sheehan, a foot reader and reflexologist, says when people are depressed, they put all their weight on the front of their feet when walking. The toepads are usually darker.

But foot reading doesn't just provide information about health.

Yellowness is a sign of being fed up. A callous on the foot under the little toe means the person has too much responsibility, Sheehan says.

Your second toe on your right foot shows what you want in life and if you are getting it. Place your feet flat and if the second toe on the right foot is touching the floor, you are getting it. And if it's not, well...

If you have a gap between your second toe and your third toe, this means you are separating yourself from your emotions.

Your fourth toe is about relationships. Sheehan says that if you get someone talking about the people close to them, any discomfort will show with an involuntary twitching of the fourth toe. Who knew?

Long feet indicates that the person enjoys recognition of merits. Short feet means the person will take more of a backseat.

If you can wiggle your little toe, you love adventure, challenge and constant change.

If you can't wiggle your little toe, you like routine.

A person who keeps their feet covered is private.

Hmmm, I thought that meant they had ugly feet, but OOOOOOK.

An extra long big toe means you have a creative mind.

Short, wide toes mean the person is practical, no-nonsense and down-to-earth.

A person with a long second toe has natural leadership qualities and likes to take over.

An extra short, little toe means you like to have fun.

All my life I thought I didn't stand in the line long enough when God was handing out baby toes, but I'll take fun.

Space between the toes means the person is a procrastinator and indecisive.

And what stinky feet supposedly say flipped my wig.

Stinky feet don't just mean poor hygiene. It may mean that the person wants freedom.

Go ahead and take your shoes off to find out what your feet say about you? Look at your significant other's toes, too.

And then tell me what you found out.

Have you ever had a reflexology treatment? Have you ever had a massage that made you reach an orgasm and nah, not a home massage. I'm talking about a professional massage.

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

He Knows What Makes Him Weak

One of my male friends shared something with me and his honesty shocked me.

I love to hear people be honest but sometimes it catches me offguard.

We were having a discussion about social networking Web sites, such as Facebook.

He says, "I am in a serious relationship and I can’t be on those social networking sites."

At first, I was like a wild animal ready to pounce on his every word, but then I took another approach. I just listened.

"Facebook is a good way to find dates if you are single. It’s a good way to hook up. You can end up meeting friends of friends," he says.

OOOOK. I agree with that. I’ve actually gone out on one date with a person that I met through Facebook.

The date was fun. The guy was very nice, but things just didn’t go anywhere.

Anywho.

He continues talking. And I continue listening. Heck, sometimes when you listen you learn.

He then shares with me that because his gf is in another state that he sometimes gets lonely and how he wouldn't want to rekindle any old romances. He also says that there are a lot of "thirsty women" out there who will throw themselves at him because he has a good job.

"The last thing I need is somebody to start a chat with me on one of those nights when I think I have the worse life because my girlfriend doesn't live in the same city as me," he says.

Wow! The honesty.

"I love that you can be sooooo honest about your weakness like that," I tell him.

And I really did.

"It's like online shopping. Everything looks good until you try it on," he says. "I'm not going to mess up my good relationship."

Hmmmm. The reason I wanted to pounce on his words is because at first it sounded a bit ridiculous to me that a person in a serious relationship can't be part of a social networking site. That a person in a marriage can't be online.

But I’m sooooo glad I listened. We all have weaknesses.

Some people can't put themselves in certain situations. Some men can't be in club or bars around "thirsty women." Some women can't have male personal trainers because of the temptation to bed him. Some men and women can't put themselves in situations to rekindle old romances.

His comments got me to thinking about my very own weaknesses. What would cause me to be weak in the knees? What type of situation would really tempt me?

I couldn't think of any but I'm still pondering.

Is there a situation that would make you weak if you were in a relationship? What is most tempting to you? What can’t you do if you are in a serious relationship? Did you have a life-teaching lesson with a temptation?

Share with me your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Scents And Sex

Some guys smell good and others smell real good.

But is it really the cologne or the naturally occurring body chemicals called pheromones that really turn me on?

Hmmm.

Yea, there has to be a certain level of physical attraction but there's something else that goes on when women and men decide if they are interested in dating or sex.

When I'm in the company of a suitor, I will check out the eyes, shape of face, broadness of chest and the chiselness of the arms.

Ow! There's nothing better than nice arms.

If I can, I may even get a shot of his backside and I definitely check out the shoes. I do not like scruffed up shoes.

After this scan and yea it's quick, my eyes communicate to my brain.

This full-body scan can be performed from afar. But sometimes if I am engaged in conversation, I may even touch. I'm a little touchy feely and sometimes just layin' hands on a person will help me know if there is something there. A lil' ting-a-ling-a-ling will hit my body.

But then I'm also calling on my sense of smell to help me discern whether I'm really interested.

I used to be the towel bandit when I was married and now I know why.

"I just got that towel," he would say, as I tossed it in the pile of dirty clothes.

And it would be true. He had only used it once or twice.

"Oh, here's another one," I would say.

This will sound gross but one of the worse scents to me is the mildew smell. And I hate to say this but there are a lot of Mildew Men out there.

It is one of the biggest ummm I'm not interested in you, in seeing you and definitely do not want to have sex with you scent.

You know what I'm talking about. It's that I took a shower but I dried off with a sour towel smell -- uggg.

The sense of smell may be underestimated by some people but it is really powerful.

Nevertheless, researchers believe that what drives women wild are naturally occurring body chemicals called pheromones.

The word pheromone comes from two Greek words pheran to transfer and horman to exite.

OOOOOOK. That explains a lil bit.

According to Dr. Winnifred Cutler, pheromones are "substances excreted by an animal that affect the reproductive behavior of another same-species animal acting at a distance."

Yes, we are animals but this is where it gets a bit mirky. I don't really know how to describe the scent that I like but I know it when I smell it.

And not every guy smells the same way when he puts on cologne. I know that my body chemistry doesn't mix well with certain perfumes and this is the case with others. Nope, you can't always wear what smells good on other people.

Anywho.

Sometimes cologne smells good. I mean real good. The real good turns heads.

It's that smell that makes you say wow, "He smells good!" and you are turning around and looking for the source of the scent. Animalistic, huh?

Some researches say that women are attracted to the scent of sweat, too.

I recently read about armpit kisses, something I did not know existed. And don't be soooo quick to say uggg.

Ladies, have you ever cuddled with your guy and your face or head rests in the pit of his arm? Sure you have.

And to take it one step further. Sometimes it feels nice and comfy there. All your senses are OK. Weeee, I'm in heaven.

And because we know, shsssh don't tell him, he isn't the only guy you have ever done this with you have likely had an experience in which you said, "Woooo nelly, he is a muskrat."

Or maybe you just didn't lay in that position for very long. That's the difference I'm talking about.

And guys, I'm not really sure what type of experience you have but I've been told that certain scents, like grapefruit or vanilla, get you going too.

But is it really the cologne or perfume that is put on or the pheromones? Is the sense of smell powerful in your attraction to a person? I hate the mildew smell. What is it that you hate?

Share your thoughts with me here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Men Love 'The Chase'

While having a conversation with a friend, I think he inadvertently gave me one of the reasons to why men cheat.

We were talking about the pace at which relationships should move and the rules of dating.

He said men are hunters and gatherers.

Hmmm.

"Men like to go out and explore and gather things. It's the hunt. It's the thrill of the chase," he said.

He was essentially saying that men hunt for women to bed.

OK. My eyes open widely and my listening skills go into overdrive.

So if men are hunters and gatherers what happens when he has found what has been hunting?

"The chase ends," he simply said.

Wow!

"So there's no more excitement. There's no more interest. There's no more chase involved," I asked.

"Yea, and then he moves on to begin another chase," he said.

But what happens when a man finds the woman he has been hunting for and finally decides to settle down?

The look in his eyes offered the expression of "duh, you don’t get it!" But then I added, "Does it change to a mental chase?"

I think I offered him an easy answer because he then said, "Yea."

But I’m not quite sure if the chase changes for some men after having this conversation. I think that some men are exactly what he said hunters and gatherers – period. It never ends until they are no longer able to hunt and gather.

And now with Viagra, hunters and gatherers of this kind have an extended life.

But I'm not sure if all men are hunters and gatherers. I do think some men may be this way, however.

What are your thoughts about the hunters and gatherers theory? Do men lose interest after sex? Is it really the thrill of the chase? When does this thrill subside or does it ever?

Share your comments with me here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Desperation Stinks

I know a few people who have been married more than once. And don’t ask because the jury is still out with the verdict on whether I would ever remarry.

I’ve settled into my new life nicely. And umm, I just don't know, I don't know!

But because I don’t have any children, having a child and not being married goes against the very fabric of my being. All my morals and values - evthing! But that’s another whole blog topic.

Anywho.

If I don’t remarry, I could have a boyfriend who could visit a couple times a week, right?

While I was married, I remember sitting around with my gfs having a conversation about the possibility of us getting remarried if we ever got divorced.

Wine plus good friends equal great conversations and belly-aching laughter.

One says, "Nah, I wouldn’t get remarried."

Another says, "I might."

I chime in with my usual comedic style with what I would tell suitors.

"Oh, you can come over and stay sometimes but don’t leave your toothbrush and shoes or I will be running after your car like you forgot your stuff. Heeeeey! Heeeeeey! You need this. Don’t leave it here."

Y’all know when folks start leaving toothbrushes they are trying to mark territory and ease on in slowly.

Aaaaant! Nope!

But how would the life I joked about really look when I’m 70. I could have a 60-year-old beau, heck, maybe even 55.

I said in a previous blog that Jeters love hard. Ummm, we also live long. A man's life expectancy is less than a woman's already, soooooo...

But would the you-can-stay-a-couple-nights-a-week life really be a happy one?

Hmmmm, I think most people would likely say, "Noooo." Right now, it may be an OK lifestyle but that has to get old.

Additionally, who wants to grow old alone? Heck, who wants to be young alone?

But even more than thinking about standing in the doorway with gray hair and faint wrinkles in my face and waving goodbye to my boyfriend, I thought about what constitutes the difference between being desperate and wanting someone in your life?

Is it age?

Really, what is the difference between being desperate and wanting someone in your life?

Desperate may mean, Oh, I’ll take you without the job, without the car, without anything to bring to the table. But maybe, just maybe, this person is saying What Da Fudge to that long list of must-haves because the pickings are slim.

One of my gfs said a guy she was dating told her, "I don’t have any money."

I'm not a gold digger but I would have asked, "Do you have any energy? Because you need to use it to walk over to that door, open it and leave."

But if she dates him, is she desperate or does she just want a special someone in her life?

What about my other gf who is dating someone else's husband.

Is she desperate or just wants a special someone in her life?

Or what about my gf who says, "I just want a nice guy with good diggity." Is she desperate?

When does one go from I want someone in my life to I will take anyone in my life? Is it a thin line? Do people miss opportunities to settle down and are haunted by regret? What makes a person desperate? Define desperate.

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

My Ex-Boyfriend Is Gay

I was on the telephone with one of my gfs and she revealed to me that she’s gotten confirmation that one of her ex-boyfriends is gay.

I quickly turned to my journalism skills to find out more.

What?
Who?
When?
Where?
Why?

Danggone.

My mouth was wide open and my eyes stretched real big.

It didn’t seem like it hit her like a ton of bricks, but I was in shock. But how are you supposed to feel when you find out that one of your ex-boyfriends is gay?

All kind of thoughts ran through my mind. He is smart. He is fine. He dresses well. Owns his own home. Has a good family. Has a good job.

I'm not saying that homosexuals shouldn't have all that but that's what I was thinking.

One of my gfs teases me until we laugh to tears about one of my ex-boyfriends being learning disabled. One of the reasons I stopped liking him is he didn’t have any get up and go about himself. No motivation. No ambition. Nuttin.

I thought it was lazy but it wasn’t. Now since my gf has gone on to get extended education and training in special education, she says he had all the signs.

So now you tell me.

But back to my gf and her ex-boyfriend being gay.

She said, "I always thought he was either bisexual or gay because he was extremely open sexually.”

Whew!

What immediately jumps in my mind is guys' desire to have anal sex. Schucks, are bootie lovers gay? I’ve read that it doesn’t mean that, but does it?

She continues talking while my mind is jumping from one thought to the other.

"And his mother used to wonder why he wouldn’t settle down because he met a lot of good women," she said.

Dang!

I’m still trying to pick my bottom lip up off the floor.

She soon went into how she got confirmation.

"Someone saw him and said his wrist is broken," she said.

No, not broken fa real but that he uses it more in conversations and gestures.

Wow!

I believe my gf dated this guy for about a year. I remember them even going on a vacation together.

I’ve heard stories about ex gfs and even husbands coming out the closet but to have someone close to me say that it is part of her life story threw me.

After I pick my lip up off the floor, I begin wondering why he had not figured it out earlier? Why was he trying to be something that he wasn’t? Why was he sleeping with women and really liked men? What are the signs? What are the signs? What are the signs?

The last thing I wanna do is date a guy who really likes men.

Yikes!

Have you ever dated someone and you thought he or she was gay or lesbian? Why did you think that? Do you have a good Gay-Dar? What is a telltale sign that someone is gay?

Share your thoughts with me here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Licking Lips Means I Like You

Actions speak louder than words but body language, if you know how to read it, can tell it all.

I've been told before that body language doesn't mean anything, but that is wrong, wrong, wrong. It means everything.

If you are talking to someone, don't you want him or her to look at you and seem interested in what you are saying?

A person's body language indicates if you have someone's attention.

But more than telling if someone is listening to you, it can tell you how a person feels and what that person wants you to do.

If you wanna know if someone is interested in you, watch their lips.

Wow!

An image of LL Cool J just popped in my mind, licking those big ole lippy lips.

And the lip licking may be why he has the name Ladies Love Cool J.

Really, lip and mouth activities are the biggest clues, ummm body language, that someone is interested. This includes licking lips and biting lips.

But women also play with jewelry -- earrings, bracelets, necklaces. And not just crossing, but intertwining legs is another sign that she is interested and wants to be approached.

A huge clue that women give is playing in their hair. If she is twirling her hair on her finger and running her hands through her hair -- Bingo! She likes you.

For men, the body language is a bit different.

A raised brow look with flaring nostrils from a guy means I like you. This look says I'm very interested.

I've gotten this look before and wondered if the guy was a goofball.

What is he stretching his eyes for, I thought.

While a woman is flipping, flopping and playing in her hair, guys will touch their lapel or tie. Basically, he is trying to make sure he looks good.

But not only is he checking out himself, he is checking you out. When you walk, he is visual voyaging. He is scanning your body and considering you as a sexual partner.

I'm sure you guys and ladies know the look, it's that uh-huh, oh-yea, I-can-do-you look.

If he is sitting across from you ladies, he will flash you a crotch shot.

Yep, a crotch shot. He will spread his legs.

And you thought only women did that. With this language, he's trying to show off his package.

Perhaps showing you what he would like to give you. :)

So how does your body language indicate that you are interested? Do you lick your lips or sit with your legs open? Or tell me what gets your attention? Or has anyone every walked by you and dropped something to get your attention?

Take a quiz about body language.

Share your thoughts here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Sex In High Heels

There's nothing better than a foxy pair of stilletos. Whew!

It's just something about that pair of ooooweeee heels that will make a woman poke her chest out.

Vavoom!

Toot out her butt just so.

Oh yea!

And the walk.

You know the walk I'm talking about.

Hips sashaying from side to side as she glides across the floor.

I remember setting up a day spa in my nephew's living room so that he and his wife could have a very special evening. I asked him to give me five things that he loved about his wife. It was part of the decorations I used for the day spa of love -- ya dig!

"I love that she is loving," he said and just rattled off a few more.

When he said "the way she walks in heels," I tilted my head and looked at him out the side of my eyes and said, "Gone, Boi."

He's not alone in feeling the way he does about a woman in heels. Men like women in heels.

I mean really, who looks supa sexy in a pair of tennis shoes? Cute perhaps in a pair of tennis shoes but not sexy.

Picture this. A cute short lil black bedroom number that dips just so in the back. The girls are perky and maybe even a lil cleavage is showing. The silky sheer material falls just below the Va-jay-jay in the front and bootie in the back.

Your vanilla, caramel or chocolate legs are silky smooth and you have on a pair of ballet shoes. Ummm, nope that just doesn't look right.

Those flat shoes just killed the visual and the mood.

A nice pair of black or red heels makes that visual picture perfect.

Ladies, I'm gonna go ahead and assume that the footsies are right and the hairdo is on point, OOOOK.

But back to high heels.

Wearing heels is a sexual prelude.

Italian researchers have found that women who wear a heel of one to two inches may have more fun between the sheets.

Who knew -- Heels equal good diggity.

The researchers said the body posture adopted while wearing heels "improves the pelvic floor muscles, which help to create mind-blowing sex."

Mind-blowing sex! Yep, mind-blowing sex!

So ladies head to your closet sometime this weekend and grab your fave pair of heels. Fellas, go to the nearest shoe store and surprise your sweetheart with a pair of foxy, strappy high heels.

After the high-heels are on those footsies, hold on and be prepared for a ride that the Italian researchers call "mind-blowing sex."

What are your thoughts about high heels? Do you think that heels make you or your girl supa sexy? What about the way you or she walks in heels?

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Falling In Love Is Like Skydiving

Does love just happen or does one choose to participate?

I believe that one chooses to participate to love or fall in love. I think a person has to be open to love. I believe that a person has to make a conscientious decision to love and open one’s heart to fall head over hills.

I’ve never skydived but I believe it is like that.

You have to build up enough confidence in yourself to take the plunge and then you have to trust and believe that the parachute, which in this argument would be the other person, will keep you safe and protect you until your feet are on the ground again.

I hope I'm not going to deep.

I have many interesting conversations with people after they read my blog posts and the whole concept of my idea of love and falling in love came up with one of my loyal followers.

He and I have great conversations about life and ummm love. We are in similar places in life. He is going through a divorce. I am divorced. He does not have any children. I do not have any children. As a matter of fact, our birthdays are within days of each other's so we are Kindred Spirits. We think alike on a lot of things but not on the concept of love.

I believe it’s a choice and he believes it is spiritual.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe falling in love is magical. It’s like being high on a drug. It’s like an out-of-body experience, but I think to say it is spiritual makes it seem like we don’t have any control in the matter.

My Kindred Spirit believes that you don’t have any control. It is all about a connection that is stronger than you. It is a connection that just happens.

There’s all kind of research about love and falling in love.

One theory is that love comes in three stages.

The first is romantic love. This is the strong physical attraction that sets the stage.

The second stage is the physical attraction stage when you daydream about that person. This is when dopamine, nonrepinephrine and serotonin are racing through your body and brain. The infatuation is wearing off.

The third stage is the emotional attachment. This is the commitment stage. You see both the negative and positive traits of your partner and choose to stay.

Hmmmm, back to making a choice. Taking a chance.

On the other hand, there’s an area in the brain that lights up while undergoing an MRI if a person is in love, one study has found. So this would support it being out of one's control.

Research also says being in love has the same effect on the body as being on cocaine. Wow! Love is powerful.

We hear people say it all the time, "I am just in love with him or her." "Oh, I just can’t help it."

Can you? What are your thoughts about falling in love and love? Do you make a choice to love or fall in love or is it spiritual?

For fun, take a Am I In Love Test.

Your Hair Is Your Glory

When I went to a birthday party over the weekend, I saw a lot of weaves, wigs, braids and ponytails. Whew, I saw a lot of fake hair.

Black women single-handedly have made human hair makers and sellers rich.

But I don’t see many cute weaves anymore. Folks just throw anything up in there heads.

I do understand that sometimes a woman can slip into a bad hair day. I’ve had my fair share. But heck, some women need to throw out the fake ponytails, discard the weaves and wave goodbye to their wigs.

They look like furry animals fighting to take their last breath.

They don’t work. They don’t work. They just don’t work.

I do not have a relaxer so I wear my hair curly from time to time. One day after church, I went to visit my parents. My mother has long maintained that women shouldn’t wear baseball caps. She’s old school.

"Your hair is your glory," she said to me and my sisters all of our lives.

This particular Sunday morning, she complimented me. She said she liked my dress but reminded me that while the curly look was cute, I still needed to get my hair done.

Wow! Thanks a lot, Ma!

I just chuckled because I can definitely count on my mother to keep it absolutely real. She is a sweet, honest woman, not that in yo face nasty, mean make you wanna scream type woman.

But my mother is right. I can do curly, but curly is a backup.

When I’m trying to be my foxiest, curly is not the hairdo. But again, it is a good look when funds are low or in emergency situations.

But I see a lot of women who need to be my mother’s daughter for 5 minutes. Whew, she would only need 5 minutes!

“Oh baby, when was the last time you got your weave done,” she would say to some.

“Oh sweetheart, you shouldn’t wear that ponytail anymore. How long have you had it?” others would hear.

“You ever thought about just getting YOUR hair done and giving up that weave,” she would tell more.

“Those braids are not professional, baby,” she would say to all those who have spent $200 plus for their summer hairdo.

My father would chime in, "Don't no man want that mess sleeping with them at night."

Whew! But is that true.

Fellas, what are your thoughts about fake hair? And be honest. Ladies, do you think a woman’s hair is her glory? Do you think your hairstyle makes you look your best?
Do you wear a lot of fake hair? Would you stop wearing it if you were dating a guy who didn't like it? Would you ask a woman to stop wearing weave?

Share you comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

I’m Still In Love

One of my gfs shared with me that she still has feelings for her ex.

"It’s complicated," she said. "We need to talk."

Her short, short story is she had been in a committed relationship with a guy for several years. She wanted marriage. He said nope, I’m not going down the marriage road. She packed her belongings and moved out.

In our brief discussion, she said she was still in love and that she was messed up emotionally.

Whew!

That hit me like a mac truck!

"What? Are you serious?," I responded.

"Yea," she said. "Just because you are no longer with someone doesn’t mean you fall out of love with him."

OOOOOK.

"And did you just stop loving your ex-husband?" she asked.

It’s about to go deep. Hold on to you seats, y’all.

No, I will probably never stop loving him. Heck, we spent 14 years together.

But I love him more now as a person, you know, as a good guy. I love him for the great memories. I love him because we shared good times together. I love him for allowing me to understand my capacity to love. My capacity to forgive. But more than anything, I love him for how I loved him. I loved him crazy.

What's the point of going through this life and never have loved!

I used to hear my parents and older relatives say, "Jeters love hard." As a kid, I didn’t really understand what they meant, but-err-uh now, I know. I love really hard.

We gotta problem. No worries. We can get through this was my attitude.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I was disappointed many times but I always felt deep down that it would be OK. Problems, Oh it’s prayer time. Bigger problem, Oh, gotta call my prayer warrior friends and family members.

Biggest problems. Be still. Do nothing but keep asking the Lord for clarity.

And I guess, I’m a little different than my gf because I did everything I thought of. Everything someone told me. My pastor told me simply "to get excited about what he is excited about."

Tried that.

Don't buy him a massage, you give him a massage with candles and all that, one of his friends told me.

I set up so many candles that I was surprised I didn't start a fire. In between each candle was a heart-shaped note telling him things I loved about him.

"I love your beard," one read.

And yea I'm telling y'all so y'all can do it. And maybe it will help! :)

Hey, Live, Love, and don't forget to Laugh.

Any who. I think I did everything that was humanly possible in my opinion to make my marriage work.

I was at a point, and I believe he was too, that we just didn’t know how to make it work. We didn’t know how to be happy with each other.

I believe we had two different pictures in our minds about what happiness, love, peace, joy, home life, companionship, and marriage looked like. It’s just that simple. It’s not that his picture is wrong and my picture is right. It’s just that they were different.

But the Be Still part is where I think a lot of people, including my gf, mess up.

Why do anything to get out of a relationship or marriage if you are not ready? Why act like you are ready to move on when you are knee-deep stuck?

I know everybody’s situation is different, but if you are not ready to move on, don’t. If you ain’t over her or him, you are not. Don’t act one way and you know in your heart that it is another. I mean really, who are you fooling?

And before you move on, try everything so that when you walk out the door you know that you did it all. You will know that you tried your hardest and you loved your deepest.

This will comfort you if regret, loneliness or sadness tries to visit.

If you have done everything possible to make your relationship work, you will greet loneliness, sadness and regret at the door and say, "Ummm, you must have the wrong address. I DID ALL I COULD lives here." :)

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

He Really Did Sing To Me

I've never had anyone sing to me, so when one of my dates put on a CD and said he was going to sing to me, I squinted my eyes and pretended to smile.

But it wasn't my face, it was my thoughts.

Sing to me?

I've never had anybody sing to me, I thought.

Dag, that's really sweet, another thought took over.

Can he sing? I couldn't help but think.

He was standing at his CD player while I was sitting on his couch. After rifling through a few CDs, he found the one he was looking for. Popped it in and then sat back down next to me.

We had been sharing a big pillow. I was lying one way and he was lying the other on the couch.

I resumed my position, but he remained upright.

"This is my favorite song," he said.

"Really," I responded. And shoot, I begin thinking. What is my favorite all-time song?

If he asks, I'm not sure what I would say. I love Gerald, The O'Jays, Usher, Teena Marie, SOS Band, R. Kelly, Jodeci, and many more but umm what is my favorite song?

Any who.

This guy actually sat down and really started singing.

Wow! I’m sooooo impressed.

And he wasn’t just singing like it didn’t matter. He was singing for real for real. I mean for real for real!

I’ve been to weddings before where people sing to each other, but heck I didn’t even know that folks actually sing to people at home.

Whew, where have I been? I’m on a trip to Sing-To-Me-City and shooot meeez likes this.

And I couldn’t help but think is this man being nice and ewwy gewey sweet or is he trying to seduce me?

Whatever the case, I do see how folks end up out of their clothes in a matter of seconds.

OK, the song is over. I’ve gathered myself. My heart isn’t beating as fast anymore, but then he started singing another song.

Oh lawd, help me.

I’m thinking, after this song, I’ve gotta figure out a way to exit the building. Maybe these butterflies in my stomach will help me take flight out the door.

What is the sweetest thing anyone has every done for you? Have you ever been surprised by something on a date? Share your thoughts with me here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Wheeee! Swingin' Sex

What folks do in their bedrooms is their business.

But what would you do if you were led to a bedroom while on a date and there is a sex swing?

Whew!

You would definitely know that the person means business. :)

But can you take someone seriously who has a swing mounted in the middle of their bedroom?

Well, my gf was diggin' a guy. She thought he was cute, had good conversation, pretty eyes, smelled good, bangin' body, you know all the stuff that get girls going.

He took her on a nice dinner date and then invited her back to his house. After enjoying each other's company, he grabbed her hand and led her to his bedroom.

The walk was sexy, steamy. They kissed and touched and groped each other, but in a good way, the entire time. They were sorta like ping pongs in a machine banging up against the hallway walls.

She said she was on fire hot for this fella, but when he opened the door and she saw a sex swing hanging from the ceiling her Va-jay-jay cooled off completely.

The whole idea of a sex swing is interesting, but (and call me old fashioned) I really think this is a sexual tool that should be used between married couples. Nah, not committed couples -- married couples.

And for those who don't know, a sex swing is used so that people can concentrate on the sexual acts and not supporting body weight.

How in the heck can you start off having sex in a swing while dating. Shoot, the first time!

Oh, where, oh where do you go from there?

So what would you do? Jump on the swing and say, "Wheeeee!"

Wonder how many people have sat in the swing before you?

Get instantly turned off?

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

To Shave Or Not To Shave

Getting ready for a boooed up weekend takes work.

One of my gfs was planning to spend a long weekend with her boo and she had done the get it right, get it tight ritual. Hair. Nails. New Undies. Smell Good. Fave bottle of Libation. Oh, she was planning to be seriously boooed up.

While she was foxy in a major way, there were a few other things she needed to take care of that only her boo would see.

Legs need to be shaved. Under arms, too. Brows need to be foxy and sometimes it is necessary to take another look at that lip and chin.

But ummm she shaved her Va-jay-jay.

Whew! I remember getting the call from another one of our mutual gfs who said, "This nut has shaved her pubic hairs and she's not even sure he even likes it like that."

She didn't care how much we laughed at her. She said she was feeling supa sexy so she shaved it. What? LOLOLOLOL

We all know that hair or lack thereof in the pubic area is subjective. People like different stuff.

Some men like heart shapes and stars, and yea they sale the stencil to help you make sure it is really a heart or star.

Others like the line. Others like it just low.

And heck others like bushwack-a-doo-dat.

But my gf thought she was going to surprise her boo that particular weekend and take it all off in more ways than one.

Keeping the hair down there groomed is important because of musty rat issues but should it really be completely bare?

I've heard many tips, such as use vaseline or lotion, shave in one direction, use hair remover, get it waxed, but when that hair grows back it ummmm, itches like schizophrenia.

I have to say that I've found the best results using clippers.

But did you know that shaving and trimming pubic hair will make "genitals appear larger and more attractive."

When I read this, I started playing back stuff in my mind. Hmmmm, I guess.

If there's no stuff all around "the soldier" you would only see it and hey maybe it will look bigger. And yea, definitely more attractive if the guy has beadie bead (extremely curly) hairs.

And I guess if a woman can braid her pubic hair that may not be soooo cute.

Any who.

What is your preference? Ladies and Gents, do you want your partner/mate/spouse/buddy to keep it trimmed? Do you prefer it to be bald? Do you like the stars or hearts? Are you a a bushwack-a-doo-dat lover?

Comment here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Dating Is Fibbin' To Find Love

Why aren't people completely honest about their situation? Why do people lie while dating?

I don't think that people understand that conveniently leaving out necessary, helpful information is lying.

Stay with me.

People lie for all types of reasons. To stay out of trouble. Think of your fibs as a kid.

To preserve reputation. Think of when you didn't want to admit that you actually had sex with her or him. LOLOLOLO

To avoid hurting someone's feelings. This one is more like when a co-worker or friend has an ugly baby and you say, "Oh, she is so adorable," when you know that the kid is muggly uggly.

To increase stature or reputation. We all have one of these big phat liars in the workplace. You know, that co-worker who leads everyone in your company to believe that he is single-handedly responsible for the success of a team project.

To manipulate. These lies usually damage other peoples' reputations.

To control information. These are those indirect lies to conceal important facts.

This is the type of lie that is used the most while dating and cause feelings to get hurt.

Think about it. If you are missing a piece of information it could change the way you see something. For example, what if you spend a lot of time with a woman, who is believed to be single. But then you find out she is married to a man who travels a lot.

That would be jiggy jiggy jacked up, right?

My gf shared with me that she doesn't understand the point of guys just lying to be lying. And she's talking about those indirect lies to conceal important facts.

She said she had been dating a guy for several months. Everything was love. Ooooweee! Great conversations. Super nookie (Sex):) Wonderful!

But then something just happened. He grew a bit more distant and said he was really busy with work.

He finally, after she grabbed her Lie-Remover Tools and started talking, came clean.

"No more sleepovers," he said.

"I know there is more than that," she responded.

"Something has developed with someone I have known for a while. I'm not sure where it's heading," he said.

"Thanks," she said.

"You probably were thinking that," he said.

"Was I? I don't guess."

"You're pretty smart."

"I don't play guessing games."

"You said you knew there was more...so you knew something."

"I knew you were being vague. I didn't know you were omitting."

Omitting. That is key.

She was asking and wondering and thinking, but after he decided to pursue a relationship with another woman, he strung her along for a little bit -- just in case. Why?

Why not just say, I've met someone.

Or is it necessary while dating to juggle someone you like with someone you think you like more before you tell the one that you just like that you don't want to see him or her anymore? If you didn't catch that, read it again.

I say yeppers 'cause all is fair in love and war.

I kinda see dating like interviewing for a job.

You go in for your first interview and things go well and then you get called back for a second interview. Finally, you get a call saying you have the position. There's some negotiation on the salary and benefits and you get a starting date.

Only then do you go to your current employer and say, "See ya!"

But wouldn't feelings be left unhurt and time be saved if people had enough guts to come on out with it?

How should this be done? I really like you but you have three of the five things I must have in a potential mate.

Maybe --- I have just been using you so that I didn't have to be alone.

Or should it be, I just want to continue seeing other people. I'm not ready to settle down.

I hate this happened to my gf. I really do, but I think it's better to get out of something that's not going to be good sooner than later.

Don't waste a moment, not even a second.

But even more than that, I believe he was just getting out of the way for the man who will tell my gf, "You are everything I ever wanted in a woman" and mean it.

Share your comments here about lies of omission or your dating strategy or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

My Ears Bleed When I Hear Yelling

No one really likes to argue. Some people like a good debate, but no one really likes a knockdown, drag-out argument that leaves hurt feelings and wounded egos.

I’ve had my share of arguments over the years and I’m not sure if I have always played fair.

But my arguing neighbors have made it really clear to me that arguing can get ugly, really, really ugly.

My walls are super thin. And when I say super thin, I mean super thin. I can hear everything. No, really. I can hear everything.

When my neighbors get to going at it, my ears bleed. Not literally but figuratively because I know that feelings are being hurt.

The last argument I heard was over who purchased the most groceries.

Money. Experts say it’s the No. 1 problem in many relationships. People dating are asking about credit scores to ensure that it won’t be a problem and married folks are often accusing the other of not pulling his or her fair share.

My neighbor's argument started out as a conversation.

They were talking about money and who bought groceries last. She told him that she buys more groceries than he does.

Seems pretty basic, huh?

Well, the problem was she called him a MF, and he shot back that female dog word. Whew!

I grabbed my popcorn and pulled up my chair to the wall. It’s an audio movie.

“You ain’t Sh!+.”

“B, get the F%&! Out.”

Woooooo!

And this was all over who buys the most groceries?

I’ve reached a conclusion about arguing. People may begin talking about one thing, but somehow the argument or conversation can go in another direction.

Somebody didn’t stay on the same argument road and whew things got crazy.

The namecalling and the yelling are two things I think I could live the rest of my life without hearing. As a matter of fact, if I think a voice is being raised at me, I am grabbing my sandals and saying so long sucka in Esther style from “Sanfand and Son.”

I hate yelling. I really hate yelling.

But experts offer tips about arguing fair.

1.) Do not change the subject. Argue about what you are going to argue about.

2.) Allow your partner to state their viewpoint.

3.) Do not use physical abuse.

4.) Do not make threats.

But I didn’t find do not yell. Is this because conflict is inevitable in relationships and so is yelling? Is it because yelling is natural when you get upset?

I have vowed that I’m not going to be a yeller even if someone is yelling at me. Yelling equals exit the facility in my mind.

Share your comments about how you argue or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

You can also take a test to determine your arguing style.

I took the test and scored a 59.

Texting While On A Date

A date can easily go awry and you not even realize what happened.

Things could be smooth-sailing but then all of a sudden you have a bad taste in your mouth and you just had one of your favorite meals at a great restaurant and are sipping on your fave drink.

Nah, it's not the food or drink. It's something he or she did or said.

I've always said dating is interesting. I really can't think of any other word to sum it up.

Any who.

I had something happen to me and it's likely happened to a lot of people.

I'm on a date.

Before the date we talked on the phone and this guy was nice, but on the date he pulled out a cape and turned into Mr. Text and Talk On Cell Phone All Night.

I think to myself hey, "Don't let this bother you, D."

Meanwhile, I set my phone face down and it is on silent.

One, and a two and a three and a four times I see him texting or talking.

Mr. Text and Talk On Cell Phone All Night is about to make me jump in my Civic, throw up the peace sign through my sunroof.

But dag! I didn't drive.

I'm sitting there with my big girl smile, wanting to fight myself because I do not have my roller. I think there is a lesson in this for me as well. Drive your OWN car until date 10.

I see him with his phone in his hand again, uggg.

The night is about half over because I understood how long I would be out before I left home.

Come on clock. Come on!

I'm finally in the car. Whew it's over! And can you believe I actually look at my phone and I have one measily text that says I want a kiss.

Ummm, NO! NO! NO! NO! And ummm, NO!

"You might want to get a kiss from the person you were texting all night!"

"Oh, you trippin!" he said.

"OK," I respond.

"I have a lot of stuff on my phone so I wasn't texting the whole night," he said.

"OK," I respond, thinking this clown must really think that I screw my head off at night.

Then I get the "you got jealous," jab. Get da fudge outta here. No one's jealous. You are just rude, rude, rude.

But I think texting while on a date is one of those things that a person has to feel to understand that it's rude.

So maybe I should go on a few more dates with Mr. Text and Talk On Cell Phone All Night.

I refuse to ignore the early warning signs.

If he's texting and soooo distracted this early, I'm not sure what the case would be in two months or a year.

Soooo, Neeeeext!

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Why Do People Cheat?

I’ve been getting a lot of, let’s just say interesting, e-mails lately.

They read:

Sexually explicit - Married Women Dating Community!

Would you be interested in meeting an attractive married women for an intimate
encounter with NO STRINGS ATTACHED?

This is going to sound crazy, but there is a dating site loaded with thousands
of married women right in your city that are looking to meet and date new people
this week.

PRESS HERE to meet Married women this week: (MUST BE 18 and OLDER)
http://lm2wl7service.com/eazkfbtqhzaa

Good googly moogly! How did I start getting these e-mails.

I do have to admit that it gave me ideas for my character Penelope Foster in Choosing Mr. Wrong. Meet Penelope in E-mail Piques Curiousity.

And then Noel Biderman, the founder and CEO of Ashleymadison.com, a Web site for married individuals interested in having affairs appeared on The View. He was talking about how wildly popular his Web site has become.

He said that monogamy is against human nature. OOOOK!

And I’m not quite sure where I heard this or read it but I recently came across information that said the seven-year itch phenomenon is real.

So what the heck is going on? Married people are openly being targeted to “do the nasty” with people they are not married to. Web sites and e-mails Oh my.

But what really makes a person cheat?

Are they bored? Are they no longer attracted to their spouse? Do they no longer feel connected? Has the passion fizzled? Is the wife more interested in the baby? Is the husband more interested in his career? Are their sexual cravings that are not being satisfied?

Again, I set out on a small research project.

Some reasons I found were addiction to sex and low self-esteem so there is a craving for more than the spouse’s attention. Some people like to play the cheating game because it’s fun and exciting and some may be searching for that first-hit feeling. The “first-hit” feeling I equate to a person’s first hit of a drug. This person is constantly seeking, heck chasing tail or DI, for that same exuberant first-time feeling. And ummm, I guess a lot of first times are needed.

I also read that sometimes a person may cheat accidentally.

This one had me scratching my head. But the argument is that a person may do some innocent flirting and before they know it they are in over their heads.

I’m not sure if I believe this reason. It seems a bit ridiculous to me that you end up falling on somebody’s DI or into someone’s Va-jay-jay by accident. I think it is a bit more deliberate.

But are these e-mails and Web sites making it easier for people to cheat. Or and whew, I am going to go there, do desperate women who just needs a lil piece of a man make it easier for a man to cheat on his wife.

Do women’s crafty mind’s make it easier for them to cheat and get away with? You do know that women are much better at lying than men.

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.