No one really likes to argue. Some people like a good debate, but no one really likes a knockdown, drag-out argument that leaves hurt feelings and wounded egos.
I’ve had my share of arguments over the years and I’m not sure if I have always played fair.
But my arguing neighbors have made it really clear to me that arguing can get ugly, really, really ugly.
My walls are super thin. And when I say super thin, I mean super thin. I can hear everything. No, really. I can hear everything.
When my neighbors get to going at it, my ears bleed. Not literally but figuratively because I know that feelings are being hurt.
The last argument I heard was over who purchased the most groceries.
Money. Experts say it’s the No. 1 problem in many relationships. People dating are asking about credit scores to ensure that it won’t be a problem and married folks are often accusing the other of not pulling his or her fair share.
My neighbor's argument started out as a conversation.
They were talking about money and who bought groceries last. She told him that she buys more groceries than he does.
Seems pretty basic, huh?
Well, the problem was she called him a MF, and he shot back that female dog word. Whew!
I grabbed my popcorn and pulled up my chair to the wall. It’s an audio movie.
“You ain’t Sh!+.”
“B, get the F%&! Out.”
Woooooo!
And this was all over who buys the most groceries?
I’ve reached a conclusion about arguing. People may begin talking about one thing, but somehow the argument or conversation can go in another direction.
Somebody didn’t stay on the same argument road and whew things got crazy.
The namecalling and the yelling are two things I think I could live the rest of my life without hearing. As a matter of fact, if I think a voice is being raised at me, I am grabbing my sandals and saying so long sucka in Esther style from “Sanfand and Son.”
I hate yelling. I really hate yelling.
But experts offer tips about arguing fair.
1.) Do not change the subject. Argue about what you are going to argue about.
2.) Allow your partner to state their viewpoint.
3.) Do not use physical abuse.
4.) Do not make threats.
But I didn’t find do not yell. Is this because conflict is inevitable in relationships and so is yelling? Is it because yelling is natural when you get upset?
I have vowed that I’m not going to be a yeller even if someone is yelling at me. Yelling equals exit the facility in my mind.
Share your comments about how you argue or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.
You can also take a test to determine your arguing style.
I took the test and scored a 59.
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ReplyDeleteDing, Ding, Ding.....Fighting out of the blue corner weighing in at 145lbs.....Bootney Farnsworth (alright, i had a Let's do it again moment).
ReplyDeleteOk, this may sound crazy but some great advice that was given to me is to record your argument and when the smoke clears, sit down and get your popcorn ready. After listening to myself thunder away at this woman i called my queen, all i could do is wipe away the tears and apologize. After that verbal beatdown i gave my queen we agreed to implement some rules into our yelling sessions. First, we got a timer and whoever had the floor got two mintues. That doesn't sound like a lot of time but it kept us on task. Second, we held hands during the argument. This sounds weird but you are not likely to yell if you are in someone's intimate space and the touch was soothing as well. Third, was usually our deal breaker, you could not bring up old arguments. Finally, no matter how the argument went, we ended with a love making session.
Now i'm not saying that arguing is good but if they end with some heavy breathing and sweaty bodies then hey......."Those are some ugly A shoes." Can we argue now...........LOLOLO!!!
For what it's worth I scored a 54
I like that idea of recording an argument, but who thinks of pressing record!!! LOLOL and your method in yelling sessions are wowsa yowsa. Why not just avoid the yelling sessions. :)
ReplyDeleteI have a set of neighbors that have screaming matches. It is an old neighborhood, so all of the house are very close. When the electricity went out on the ENTIRE block she screamed at her husband for not paying the bill. She will berate him while he is sitting in the porch swing about raising the kids or whatever. I hope I never become a screamer or a nag like that. But I know they have money problems.
ReplyDeleteWhile it is entertaining, I am taking notes on what not to do.
Frizzy Hooker, yea it's good for a laugh or two the first time but then I'm like wow, they go at it verbally! Nah, if I gotta go all off like that and be fusssin and cusssin, I'm throwing a sack over my shoulder and running away from home. :)
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