I’m Still In Love

One of my gfs shared with me that she still has feelings for her ex.

"It’s complicated," she said. "We need to talk."

Her short, short story is she had been in a committed relationship with a guy for several years. She wanted marriage. He said nope, I’m not going down the marriage road. She packed her belongings and moved out.

In our brief discussion, she said she was still in love and that she was messed up emotionally.

Whew!

That hit me like a mac truck!

"What? Are you serious?," I responded.

"Yea," she said. "Just because you are no longer with someone doesn’t mean you fall out of love with him."

OOOOOK.

"And did you just stop loving your ex-husband?" she asked.

It’s about to go deep. Hold on to you seats, y’all.

No, I will probably never stop loving him. Heck, we spent 14 years together.

But I love him more now as a person, you know, as a good guy. I love him for the great memories. I love him because we shared good times together. I love him for allowing me to understand my capacity to love. My capacity to forgive. But more than anything, I love him for how I loved him. I loved him crazy.

What's the point of going through this life and never have loved!

I used to hear my parents and older relatives say, "Jeters love hard." As a kid, I didn’t really understand what they meant, but-err-uh now, I know. I love really hard.

We gotta problem. No worries. We can get through this was my attitude.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I was disappointed many times but I always felt deep down that it would be OK. Problems, Oh it’s prayer time. Bigger problem, Oh, gotta call my prayer warrior friends and family members.

Biggest problems. Be still. Do nothing but keep asking the Lord for clarity.

And I guess, I’m a little different than my gf because I did everything I thought of. Everything someone told me. My pastor told me simply "to get excited about what he is excited about."

Tried that.

Don't buy him a massage, you give him a massage with candles and all that, one of his friends told me.

I set up so many candles that I was surprised I didn't start a fire. In between each candle was a heart-shaped note telling him things I loved about him.

"I love your beard," one read.

And yea I'm telling y'all so y'all can do it. And maybe it will help! :)

Hey, Live, Love, and don't forget to Laugh.

Any who. I think I did everything that was humanly possible in my opinion to make my marriage work.

I was at a point, and I believe he was too, that we just didn’t know how to make it work. We didn’t know how to be happy with each other.

I believe we had two different pictures in our minds about what happiness, love, peace, joy, home life, companionship, and marriage looked like. It’s just that simple. It’s not that his picture is wrong and my picture is right. It’s just that they were different.

But the Be Still part is where I think a lot of people, including my gf, mess up.

Why do anything to get out of a relationship or marriage if you are not ready? Why act like you are ready to move on when you are knee-deep stuck?

I know everybody’s situation is different, but if you are not ready to move on, don’t. If you ain’t over her or him, you are not. Don’t act one way and you know in your heart that it is another. I mean really, who are you fooling?

And before you move on, try everything so that when you walk out the door you know that you did it all. You will know that you tried your hardest and you loved your deepest.

This will comfort you if regret, loneliness or sadness tries to visit.

If you have done everything possible to make your relationship work, you will greet loneliness, sadness and regret at the door and say, "Ummm, you must have the wrong address. I DID ALL I COULD lives here." :)

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.