Thirty-Somethings Have About 80 Sexscapades Per Year

Doin' and doin' it and doin' it well.

This is what comes to mind after finding out about statistics related to sexual encounters according to age groups.

According to a University of Chicago National Opinion Research Center General Survey in 2005, the number of reported episodes of intercourse goes down with each decade of life:

Ages 18–29: a mean of 84 episodes per year
Ages 30–39: a mean of 80 episodes per year
Ages 40–49: a mean of 63.5 episodes per year
Ages 50–59: a mean of 45.8 episodes per year
Ages 60–69: a mean of 27.1 episodes per year
Ages 70 and older: a mean of 10.4 episodes per year

Hmmmmm.

This makes me think about when men and women reach their sexual peak.

A lot of people him and haw as they age. They don’t want to get older. They don’t want the wrinkles. They don’t want the gray hair. Whew, I don’t want that gray hair. But we want the wisdom.

But for women diggity gets better as we age. In fact women later in life. The exact age is up in the air, but many think 30, 35 or 40. It varies for every woman. But most experts agree that as a woman ages, she embraces her body. She also may have finally rid herself of the good girls don’t do that mindset.

She embraces herself and is feeling really good about who she is and therefore satisfaction is optimal. Oooooweee, satisfaction is optimal ladies.

Keep in mind, however, that this phenomenon is very individual.

Men, on the other hand, peak at about 18. But what was interesting about this information is the sexual peak for me provides information on the firmness of the erection at age 18 and how it is around that time that it is at its best.

The information for women doesn’t talk about the moisture level or vaginal walls and I’m wondering why not.

I think sex is something that gets better with age. It’s like a fine wine. The older the better.

And this may make a lot of folks get a not soooo pleasant pic in their minds but I think mind-blowing sex doesn’t stop for senior citizens.
I did a story for work not too long ago about baby boomers and beyond having good, nah, great sex.

The doctor who I interviewed for the story said that people in their 50s and beyond no longer have children in the home, often don’t have financial pressures experienced younger, heck, they just don’t have the worries of yesterday because things are just different. Life is just different.

With people 50 and beyond, they have time to just lay up and around and really be intimate, really share and really have some good ole diggity.

But if folks in their 30s are having sex about 80 times a year what does that break down to about seven times a month. Does that sound about right?

How frequently would you like to have sex if you were in a committed, monogamous relationship and if you are in this type of relationship would you like to do it more.

For fun, take this have you reached your sexual peak quiz.

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Dating Is Necessary In Recession

Interestingly during tough economic times, humans return to something that comes natural to all of us.

Diggity, well ummm, sex.

This has become a major form of entertainment for couples all over – married and single.

And yea, while people may not have money to go to a movie or to dinner as often, there is a lot of diggity going on.

Condom sales have skyrocketed, so peeps are doing it. But another study shows that people are quite sure this is NOT the right time to take on additional responsibility of feeding another mouth.

But Ian Kerner, a relationship expert and author of several books, says it is important to not forego dates completely during a recession.

And because it’s likely been a while for some, I will give a lesson on what is a date. I’ve had the discussion with several people and there seems to be a bit of confusion.

There are three levels to connecting and nurturing a relationship for couples.

1. Attending family and friends functions, outings, cookouts and events.

This is not a date. Don’t get me wrong this type of time spent together will contribute to a happy, healthy relationship. This type of time together is crucial when discovering if a person will fit in. If your mom or sister really like her. If your dad or brother thinks she’s materialistic. If you are family-oriented, this type of time out together is integral to establishing a good relationship. Once together, it is also crucial in maintaining a healthy relationship.

2. Quality Time

This is not a date. Snuggled up on the couch watching a good movie. Playing video games and board games. Holding hands while walking in the park, picking up a pizza on the way to your girl’s house is not a date. It is simply spending time together. Again, it is crucial to the health of a relationship but it’s not a date.

3. Date

Going to dinner, shooting pool, bowling, seeing a movie. Bingo! This is a date.

This gives a partner an opportunity to treat that special someone extra special. It also is a sign to the world that you have a boo in your life. You want to let the world know. You want the world to know that you are busting at the seams with excitement and joy about your new boogaloo. And if you never go out in public with him or her, ummm, dat dere is a problem.

And think about this. If just spending time together is a date why do some married people have date night? Ah hah ah hah.

You also want to treat him or her because they are special. Notice, I said him or her. Yes, I believe that both men and women should be taken on dates. And yes, when you take someone on a date, you pay.

I know that peeps will disagree with me. Some people think a date is any time spent together. Ummmm, nope. A date is a special token of your appreciation for having that person in your life. You enjoy his or her company so let's have some big ole fun.

So what is a date to you? Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

I Need A Relationship Genie

I recently found myself in a situation where I really wished I could get a visit from the relationship Genie.

I had just one wish.

I made a few promises to myself after my divorce. One was not to ignore things that bother me. I also vowed to myself that I would recognize and label my feelings. Yea, sounds like I'm in therapy. I'm not but I have seen a therapist before.

Any who.

I made these promises to myself because I think acting one way and feeling another disrupts inner peace and causes unnecessary stress.

In the past, I have partly masked my feelings because I was more afraid of hurting my-ex so therefore I would suffer in silence.

If I would share something that wasn't favorable about my feelings or the relationship, it would wreak havoc on our happiness. It would be seen as criticism. It would be seen as hurtful.

Eventually, I kinda just shut down because I would feel whatever I said was going to be taken to be harmful when in fact I was just struggling to make sure my needs in the relationship were being met.

I always wondered why my ex-husband didn't say to himself, "This is my wife. She wouldn't say anything to hurt me and if it hurts me she would not intentionally set out to do that."

He never did.

I firmly believe that a person should be able to say anything to a person that they love as long as it is coming from a place of love. After all, Love equals honesty. And building a good relationship should be built on honesty and trust.

But I have discovered that the guy I have been dating for the past few months reminds me of my ex. They seem to process information similarly. It seems like both of these men feel like I say things to intentionally harm.

During a recent conversation about me wanting to go out more, I wanted to take back my words. I didn't want to deal with the confrontation or the discussion about my feelings. But I did.

I wished that the Relationshp Genie could nod her head and make him know I'm not being hurtful. I'm being honest. And yea, sometimes the truth may hurt.

But instanteously, the way I feel seems to evoke hurt feelings from him. What he is doing isn't good enough? There must be something else going on? Why haven't I said anything about my feelings before now?

Cause, I'm saying it now. And quite frankly, I've finally mustered enough courage to own my feelings, truly own them.

And this is all part of a promise I made to myself to not ignore the way I feel and I have to honor that.

I have to make sure that I don't feel one way and act another. Doing that is devestating. At least it was devestating to my peace and I can't and will not have my inner peace destroyed again.

But I can't help but think -- Is it me?

When I express the way I feel, do I make people feel attacked? Do I hurt people when I'm honest about how I feel?

Thinking this made me sad. It made my heart full. It made me think that being honest and open about your feelings in a relationship is just a sham.

People must not really tell people anything that can be misconstrued as negative at all in a successful relationship?

Women must suffer in silence. They must not get their overall relationship needs met because if they say something the fella in her life is going to think that she is a complainer. That she isn't happy in the relationship.

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Attention-Starved Women Get Sick

I’ve seen it happen. Yes, yes, yes, I have.

Some women have an ability to get sick in order to get attention from their boyfriend or husband.

You’ve likely seen the sicko in action. She gets sick at the family reunion, at the reception, at the family picnic. Heck, she gets sick all the time.

I personally know a few women who are attention starved, and I’ve never been able to quite understand why they do what they do.

It seems like every time the guy in their life is beginning to have some fun, having a few beers or getting ready to really have a good time, she gets sick and needs medicine for a migraine or wants to leave early.

Uggg.

It really bothers me each and every time I see this happen, but I remind myself that is not my problem, so mind yo own bitness.

But I have come to the conclusion that there are people in this world who want attention. They don’t care if it is good attention or bad attention as long as it is attention.

A grown woman acting like she is gravely ill at each wedding reception or party she attends is like a teenage boy cursing out a teacher to get attention from his parents. It just don’t make no sense.

Any who.

Don’t get me wrong. I like attention. All women do. Heck, men do too.

There are a few other ways that attention-starved women attempt to get attention.

They cry for no reason.

Schucks, they don’t realize that this is actually desensitizing their mate. Heck, it is desensitizing everyone around them. Nobody wants to be around a crybaby. Suck it up. STOP!

Self pity is another one. These women say, "I look soooo fat," or "I look sooooo ugly."

Yep, this is an attention-seeking stunt. If you are fat, exercise and if you are ugly, ummm, I don’t know.

Oh, I got it. Find someone who thinks you are attractive. LOLOLOL

An attention seeking stunt that is also part of the high-tech world is messages and updates on Twitter and Facebook. Messages such as "feeling weird about today," or "terrified to know."

Yea, we are likely all guilty of doing something like this. And I think it's OK in small doses, but if every update is wooooo is me, meeeez soooo pitiful then you are in need of attention.

So do you think you get enough attention in your relationship? Do you crave attention from others? Do you know someone who gets sick at functions?

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwong@gmail.com.

Touching His Arm Causes Romantic Anxiety

I read a bunch of bullshiggidy about relationships and how men relate to women and how women relate to men.

I probably should have studied psychology and become a therapist. I can see it now Chardonnay Chats or Go Ahead and Whine With Wine session.

Any who.

I've always had books about relationships and sex. Some are "The Joy Of Sex," "The Five Love Languagues," "First Year Of Marriage," "Relationship Rescue" and "How To Be A Great Lover."

I stumbled upon a little bitty book or maybe I should say pamphlet called "The Pink Bible: How To Bring Your Man To His Knee!"

First off, I have no idea where the little book came from but I used to belong to a book club so maybe it is one of the books that was sent to me automatically.

When I found the book, the title took me by surprise. What the heck?

But then I started reading the 18-page book.

One section is called "Baiting The Trap."

"When hunting men, you are the trap. Presentation is crucial. Portray yourself as more conservative than you are. Perfect the naughty librarian persona. Make him imagine what you'd look like with your hair down, your glasses off, your jacket discarded. Set him up with wide-eyed innocence and then ambush him with glimpses of a more mischievous attitude. Your mystere will capture his curiosity."

Hmmmm!

It continues, "Always leave a trail of scent behind you. Of the five senses, smell is the strongest, and penetrates deepest into the subconscious. Use plenty of lotion. If you don't smell like fruit, he'll find someone who does."

Hmmmmm!

"Keep your lips looking shiny -- men love shiny things."

Then it goes more into an active way of capturing the guy of your dreams. It refers to the brush-brush grab and the Grip. This is when it got really good to me.

"To use the brush-brush-grab, walk alongside the intended victim so that your elbows nearly touch. Swing your arms so it brushes his twice, then seize his hand. The rush from this surpise contact will have him melting between your fingers."

Oh, really. Really, ummmm really.

And then the author gives the description of the Grip, which guarantees he will ask you out.

"Touch his pronator teres, a short muscle found just below the elbow. Massage it with your index and middle finger, your thumb nestle above."

Then the book says these two activites "cause severe romantic anxiety and sometimes lead to a premature proposal."

Really. Just touching a guy's arm can get him to put a ring on it.

I've heard a few old wives tales, such as a woman putting their uggh (I can't even write it) in spaghetti to make a man wild.

I've heard that good diggity can make some men wild. Money of course can make some women and men fall crazy in love.

Is there anything that makes you crazy? Ladies, would you try the brush-brush or the Grip?

Share your thoughts here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

How Soon Is Too Soon?

If you meet a person and he or she has diggity with you on the first night is that a sign that the relationship is doomed to fail?

I say yes.

And I know a lot of people may argue this point with me.

A relationship is not built on and cannot be built on headboard bangin’, wild diggity. Now, I’m not saying that this is a terrible component to a good relationship but I just think that wild and crazy sex between two people who don’t know each other will be just that – wild and crazy diggity.

Any who.

I can’t say that I’ve never engaged in diggity sooner than I think I should have in the past.

As a teen, I thought long and hard before I became sexually active.

I remained a virgin until I was 17 and that’s something I’m quite proud of.

My mother told me that sex didn’t just involve feeling good or sexual pleasure, but it involved responsibility. This included using birth control and condoms for protection against STDs and pregnancy. It also included responsibility of my very own actions, which would undoubtedly have an affect on me emotionally. She also told me that my body was like jewels and don’t go around giving everybody your jewels.

I had friends who were having sex when I was 14 and 15, but I didn’t care. I have never been a follower so their decisions had nothing to do with my decision. Period.

Yea, I was intrigued by the whole idea. I was curious as heck but what my mother said resonated so deeply that I knew that I wasn’t emotionally mature enough to handle a sexual encounter.

As an adult, I believe my feelings of sexual encounters still remain. Honestly, I have never wanted to be the girl that a bunch of guys could say, "Yea, I slept with her."

I have been and remain totally repulsed by the whole idea.

Have I made a few mistakes? Yea, and those mistakes drive home the point that sex should be between two people who really care about each other. And it takes time to even know if you care about a person. It does not happen in one day or one night.

Nowadays, it seems that for many people sex is just sex, a romp, fun, an adventure, something to do.

There are women and men who don’t mind having friends with benefits, teens who don’t mind saying that they have a buddy.

But I think that when people are dating, it is better to like the person, care about the person before diggity is introduced. And finding out what you may like or dislike about that person takes time.

I’m not saying that one-night stands should be outlawed because they shouldn’t.

I do think that if a woman is looking to have a meaningful relationship with a guy she needs to get to know him first and he also needs to get to know her. Too often people give in to urges only to find out later that it wasn’t even worth it.

And that's likely because the largest sexual organ is the brain and the brain hasn't been stimulated because you don't even know the person you just had diggity with.

Additionally, sex changes relationships. People may say that sex is just sex, but that is because that person has likely desensitized him or herself because sex is the only thing that they have been fortunate enough to get. They haven’t had a meaningful relationship that involves caring, sharing and mutual respect.

And plus men like a chase -- sexually and mentally. If you succumb to the sexual chase so quickly then you gotta have yo mental game ret2go. LOLOLOL

So the big question is how soon is too soon? And if you have an encounter on the first night or quickly with a person, do you assume that this is how this person has been in the past?

And yea, quickly is subjective. What is too soon for you?

Share your comments with me here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Love Is Not Enough For Lasting Relationship

Breaking News! Breaking News!

Love is not enough to keep a marriage happy and healthy.

Yep, a study of about 2,500 couples found that love may cause two people to be together but it will not make their relationship last.

Interestingly, the research is entitled, "What’s Love Got To Do With It."

I’m sure the study cost a lot of money and I could have given them the information for half price.

Any who.

The researcher says it found that a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife is twice as likely to get divorced, as are husbands who get married before they turn 25.

Children also influence the longevity of a marriage or relationship.

A couple’s parents play a role in the relationship and not necessarily because a woman may not get along with her mother-in-law. It’s based on the parents relationship and if they have ever separated or divorced.

Well, I think this really matters, but my parents have been married for 50 years. I have three siblings and two of them have been married for more than 20 years and my oldest sister got a divorce and remarried.

So I guess there still may be hope for me.

But whew, the study also found that people in their second or third marriage are more likely to separate than people in their first marriage.

Yea, I could have used the cashola.

I really could have told them this.

After a divorce, the tolerance for bull shiggidy drops to zero. For me, I’m sure. Yes, I know fo sho, fo sho, fo sho that some things I just ain’t dealing with.

Get it! Got it! Good!

I think a good marriage has a lot of components, but most of all I think it requires a forgiving heart and eager ears. It involves nurturing and caring and excitement and laughing and a lot of sex.

But then one part of the study made me scratch my head.

If you smoke you are more likely to have a relationship end in failure. What the fudge? What does smoking have to do with it?

Now, I can see drinking because people speak da trufe when drunked up.

I banned myself from drinking Vodka during my marriage because Vodka was the truth juice. Heck, my most honest thoughts entered my mind after a few shots of Vodka. And ummm, sometimes came out in a not-so-nice manner.

And then the study goes on to say that the woman’s employment status and the number of years the couple have been employed don’t play a role.

What! What! What!

A J-O-B gotta make a difference in whether a marriage or live-in situation fails or succeeds. Ummm, ummm, ummm the researchers must not have heard of "No romance without finance."

What do you think of this study? What is the most important characteristic of a successful marriage in your mind? What does it look like?

Share your comments with me here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

On A Date Please Don’t Ask Me For Singles

I don’t know why it bothers me, but I get really irritated when I’m out with a guy and he asks me, "Do you have any singles?"

"No, I do not," is usually my answer.

It's usually being asked to pay the tip or pay something.

Plus, if he has a five-dollar bill, he has singles. He just needs to ask for change. That’s the way I see it.

I’m not really sure what this indicates. Sometimes I think it is a sign of cheapness.

Other times, I think he just doesn’t know any better. His dad or men in his life must not have told him that when he is on a date, he should treat a lady like a lady and ummm part of that is not asking her for singles.

One of my craziest dating experiences was having someone give me a $5 bill.

Hold on, hold on.

He folded it like a ring and put it on my finger. No lie.

I thought it was very sweet. Wow, how sweet I thought it was. Corny but sweet.

But those good feelings didn’t last long.

As soon as we got into the cab to come home, he looked over at me and said can I get that 5 so that I can pay the driver.

Uggh! Ugggh! Uggggggh!

I turned on my phony baloney smile and gave him the $5 bill, but I was soooo turned off. Good thing we were getting ready to go home cause I was like yuckola.

How are you gonna give me a money ring and then ask for it to pay for the cab ride?

I do something that my bf disagrees with. I usually don't say anything. I don’t mutter a word.

Yea, I’m outspoken but sometimes it’s just best to keep your mouf closed so that you can learn.

You can learn a lot about a person by just observing and listening.

Plus, if I end up saying something does that really change the way I feel when a guy asks me for singles.

I tell my gf that dating and how a guy treats a woman on a date is a precursor to things to come. It shows how a man will provide or protect a woman -- period.

If he treats you like a lady, by opening doors, helping you with your coat or sweater, pulling out the seat for you, ordering your food for you, those are signs of good things, heck, great things to come.

If he allows you to walk closest to the curb, asks you if you will pick up the tab, wants you to drive him around and asks for singles, be cautious.

Well I’m cautious.

Have you ever been asked or do you ask for singles while on a date? Does it bother you? Do you help a woman with her coat? Are you turned off when a guy asks you to pay the tab?

Share your comments or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Wrapping Up Hair At Night Is Not Sexy

I had the most interesting conversation with a light-skinned black male over the weekend.

He was a double-take type of guy, but I’m a brown-skinned type of gal so the double-take was just for amusement.

Let me set the scene. I’m with a guy that I’m dating and two of his friends meet us at a bar. I’m the only female but whatever. That doesn’t bother me.

I have a berry mojito so I’m cool and the gang.

Any who.

When he started talking about meeting various types of women in different cities, I turned on my bionic powers to catch every word.

“Dallas – got ‘em.” He was talking about beautiful women.

The conversation just seemed like an overflow of testosterone actually and didn’t offer any real value, any real edumucation. Just men being men.

He goes on and he was like the Energizer Bunny talking, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

He told a story about being on a trip somewhere and he had an opportunity to hook up with four beautiful women and for once in his life, he said he was scared. He didn’t want to have them all meet him back at the hotel, so he was trying to figure out what to do.

This offered a bit of value. It showed how guys really can’t think on their feet.

I’m sure women can figure out a way to entertain four guys – at least three. Tell one you have had too much to drink and will meet him for breakfast. Tell the other one let’s leave right now. And if really curious, curious and a horndog tell the other one to meet you at 4 a.m. Voila! LOLOLOLOL

Any who.

He brags a bit about how he was able to rearrange things and work it out.

Yea, OK, OK, uh huh, OK.

He then begins to talk about the type of woman he likes. He said he likes exotic-looking women. He said he does not date women darker than me. Ahright, I'm light-skinned.

I turned the bionic powers back on. I’ve got to hear this.

"Really," I say.

"No, I don’t. It’s just what I like," he says.

I love that he is unapologetic about it. Kinda cocky, but hey, it is what it is.

He goes on about nice hair.

"I love nice hair," he says.

OK.

But then he just let’s loose. I hate when black women put that weave in their heads.

Oh my, oh my, oh my.

I try, yea, I really do, but I can’t defend this point. I hate it too. I do understand that some women need assistance, and I managed to get that out of my mouth but I hate it too. What’s wrong with what God gave ya?

His next point was black women don’t work out. Oh my, I have a hobbled leg to stand on here. After all, black women comprise the largest overweight group in America.

But I work out so I go from that angle.

It’s difficult for black women to work out because it’s a hair thing. Our hair gets really messed up when we work out, especially when we sweat in our heads. This, too, often causes black women to be lazy about the maintenance of their hair and just get weaves or braids.

Whew! I feel a little better about the whole thing but this guy is really on to something that I think every black woman needs to hear.

Still he says, "I like nice hair."

Then he says, "I hate those hair wraps."

Oh wow! It is absolutely necessary for a black woman to wrap her hair at night if she wants to preserve her hairdo but oh my goodness, he is sooooo right.

Satin bonnets, doo-rags, scarves are soooo unsexy.

I mention to him that when I entertain for the evening, I actually go to bed with my hair down and then get up in the middle of the night to wrap it.

It’s truly a preference on how I want to look in bed and a foxy little nightie and a satin bonnet don’t equal diggity. I’m not saying that a fella will turn IT down. I’m just saying it doesn’t make you feel the sexiest and doesn’t look the sexiest.

But that's just me.

So what is the answer? Or is there an answer? Or should a man who dates a black woman just know that wrapping her hair is par for the course? That working out often destroys a hairdo?

Share your comments or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Men Like Meat On Bones

Men like curves.

Don't nothing like a bone but a dog.

You've likely heard a few sayings about men and their preference for a woman's body.

Despite this perspective, women work out like maniacs in search of the perfect physique.

And hey there's nothing wrong with staying in shape and staying active, but I do believe that there is a bit of truth to having a little bit of meat on your bones.

I have a personal test that determines if there is a need to lose poundage.

I call it the Pillsbury Girl test. It's when I take a photo and I look extra puffy, like I've just come out the oven.

And then there's the Toilet Test. When you sit on the toilet and this is really private time and your stomach grosses YOU out. It's time to make some changes.

I've lost about 15 pounds in the past three months and I feel like a new woman. I'm wearing clothes I haven't worn in some time and heck I just look foxy fabulous, if I must say so myself.

Any who.

One of my co-workers constantly reminds me that I should not want to lose too much and begin to look like a man. No curves, no nothing, he says.

I respect his opinion and it's not any flirtation involved in the comment. He's just being honest about how he thinks some women get carried away.

On the other end of the spectrum, are women who believe that fat is foxy. It is not, at least in my opinion.

I absolutely hate to see pockets of fat on legs and booties through white pants -- uggg. I absolutely hate to see women with big ole bellies wearing tight T-shirts giving the illusion that they are 5 months pregnant. I absolutely hate to see women with thighs that are really the size of a small child.

Nah, every body isn't meant to be a size 6 or 8. In fact, the average woman is a size 12 or 14.

I'm definitely not a 12, but I did peak there at my highest weight. I really didn't like weighing .....

I have always said that I want to be a perfect size 6. I've been a perfect 6. I wear a size 6 shoe and I'm teetering on size 6 and 8 these days.

It feels absolutely wonderful to be able to put on a size 6. I love it.

Some of my clothes are still a bit snug so once I lose just a few more pounds my blue Raulph Lauren suit and my favorite pair of Levis will fit just right.

After all, men like a lil meat on the bones. And I think with my 5'1 frame, a size 6 will be great.

What prompts you to want to lose weight? What is your perfect size and why? Fellas, what do you think is the perfect size? Give height and weight? Or does size matter?

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Get 'The Big O'

Reaching an orgasm ain’t easy for most women. And they are off into the distant future if a woman is involved with a guy who could care less about mutual satisfaction.

I’ve had a few experiences in which I wasn’t sure if he cared.

And there is nothing more irritating than someone getting off and rolling over.

Yea, I have rubbed a shoulder or back in my day but I really wanted to give the ole heave-ho out my bed. Whack! Bam! Get da Fudge outta here.

But women should take more responsiblity for reaching "The Big O."

I came across interesting information about younger females reaching orgasm.

• 47 percent climaxed for the first time through masturbation
• 32 percent through sexual intercourse
• 20 percent through petting
• 1 percent while sleeping

Sleeping! Sleeping! Sleeping! That’s some good sleep that I’ve never had.

But sex experts suggest practicing on your own, ummm masturbating, if you can’t reach an orgasm.

Women are achieving orgasmic success with vibrators, another study has found.

It appears that woman are heeding the call to practice because there is a lot of buzzing going on across America.

A study finds that more than 50 percent of women between 18 and 60 years old have used a vibrator.

But the study that will be published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine also goes on to say that 45 percent of the men surveyed said they have used a vibrator both solo and during partnered sexual activities.

Hmmm, I didn’t know that men used vibrators soooooolo, but OK.

But back to women searching for an orgasm.

Experts say, "Masturbating helps you to learn just exactly which pressures and rhythms you need in order to bring you to orgasm. In particular, you need to explore your own body in order to find out precisely how to stimulate your clitoris."

The article continues that, "Learning to love your own body should be a delicious experience."

Delicious. Delicious. Deeeeeeelicious.

And there’s a video called "Selfloving" by Betty Dodson that will help in this effort.

But did you realize that based on the time of the month not only determines your horndog level but also your ability to reach a climax?

Whew! I, I, ummm, I didn’t know that.

Half-way through the monthly cycle, most women are highly orgasmic.

And hopefully, you are intelligent enough to know that a monthly cycle includes ovulation and menstruation -- not just the period. If not, you must have flunked health. But fellas if you flunked, I'm gonna give you a refresher.

It is necessary to have clitoral stimulation for a woman to reach an orgasm. And ummm, a few other things.

The experts say:

• Remember that most women need stimulation of the clitoris. This is the part of them that would have turned into a penis had they developed as males - and it's just as important to women as the penis is to a guy.

• Remember that love, romance, cuddling and a good atmosphere turn women on in the early stages of a sex session just as much as your caresses do.

• Take your time.

• Caress her breasts - a few women learn to climax through breast fondling alone.
• Give her oral sex. Most women adore this and some claim that they cannot come unless a man 'goes down' on them.

• Don't be too proud to ask her to show you what she wants.

• Have some sex sessions where you encourage her to take the initiative and to decide the agenda.

• If you lose control and come before her, do try to summon some energy to kiss and stimulate her so that she can climax, too.

• Do tell her that she's marvelous, sexy and beautiful.

Have you ever wanted to kick somebody out your bed because they were sooo selfish? Or have you never allowed someone back because he was sooo lousy.

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

I May Discriminate Against Divorcees

It's really interesting to me how I look at other divorced people.

I can't help it. When I meet someone who says they are divorced, I instanteously think -- "What did he do to mess up his marriage?"

And yea in people's minds, they might be asking the same question about me.

I really give generic answers to the questions inquiring what went wrong in my marriage. After all, how do I look revealing the innermost secrets of my marriage to a stranger.

And it's not that I'm secretive, I'm selective. The more I talk about what went wrong, the more I reveal my insecurities and vulnerabilities.

Heck, who wants to really do that.

And plus, a person has to be worthy to know more about me. I'm not just going to be jackin' my jaws for the sake of jackin' my jaws.

Anywho.

What I find most intriguing about a person who is divorced is how they speak of their ex. Mainly, do they make the problems in the marriage seem one-sided? It was all the other person's fault. It really takes two to tango. I'm all for 50-50 responsibility for failed marriages.

But if the assumption is made automatically, instanteously that a divorcee has some sort of issue that caused that particular marriage to fail, should the same type of assumption be made for everybody.

After all, we've all been in some sort of relationship, longterm, live-in, engaged and some folks have even been jilted at the altar. I have a cousin who did this to his soon-to-be-wife.

He called and said he wasn't coming. That's it.

With that said, is it fair for me to look at a divorced man and think he has more issues than a single person? That's divorcee discrimination isn't it.

Well, I'm an equal opportunity discriminator then.

I can't help but look at never married guys and wonder why hasn't he ever gotten married? Why hasn't he ever settled down? Sometimes, I think hmmmm maybe he's gay. But other times I think there must be an issue there, a deep issue. But is this fair?

And jilted at the altar, oh wow. I'm sure I would be momentarily cockle doo doo crazy if someone told me they wanted to marry me and never showed up on our wedding day. So should I look favorable on a guy who realized he was getting ready to make a mistake? Or should I mean mug him?

And if I look at divorcees like they have issues and singles like they have issues, who is left? Heck, maybe widows. But they would have issues. Yea, they would have to.

I guess we all have issues.

Do you have a dating preference? Do you raise an eyebrow to people when they say they are divorced? Do you look at 40 year old men and women who have never been married and say, Wowsa Yowsa something is wrong with him or her? Do you think two divorcees are a match made in heaven because they've been there?

Share your comments with me here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

His Soldier Became A Commander

One of my friends who is recently divorced asked me not too long ago have I experienced any problems sexually since my divorce.

Ummmm, nope.

And then I asked, "Have You?

He told me that he got into a situation and his soldier would not stand.

What! What! What!

"Your soldier wouldn't stand?," I ask.

He says it stood but that he just couldn't perform.

I didn't want to hit him over the head, no pun, intended with questions so I just waited for him to share more of the story. But I wanted to know had this happened before?

Sometimes peeps act like things are new when all along there have been signs.

But he said that he was having difficulty because he had been with his ex for 14 years. He was experiencing difficulty because she wasn't his ex. Hmmmmm, OOOOOOK.

But the soldier doesn't work, I want to ask.

Instead, I said, "I'm sorry that happened."

And I was. How depressing! You are divorced. Your world has been turned upside down and your DI will not work. Whew, that's worst than the divorce -- a dead DI. LOLOLOL

But then I talked with my friend again and he happily reported that he had met someone and things were sexy, sizzling and hot to def.

Ooooooweee.

Tell me more, tell me more, I said as I felt like I was in "Grease."

And he did.

Standing numbers and legs wrapped around this and that, and my eyes were big. Wow!

I thought I needed a cold shower.

Gone boi, gone boi, gone boi!

He said he hadn't lifted any weights lately but he was glad that he still had it.

And oh yea, the girl is sexy and smart, he tells me.

"I'm sooooo happy that I still have it," he says.

One of my eyes gets slightly smaller as I mouth, "Me too!"

But really. I was and am very happy for him, so I joke and say the soldier took a stand, huh.

"No, the soldier has become a commander," he responds.

Gone boi, goooone.

While we were talking he got a message from Ms. Sexy and Smart. She wanted to see him again that evening and he was over the moon excited.

Before our conversation ended, it became even more apparent to me that men want the same things that women want.

Heck, they get just excited about diggity and the possibilities as we do. They want to be wanted just as much as we do. They want to be desired just as much as we do.

Do you think men and women really want the same things? Have you ever had a situation that made your Va-ja-jay or DI not cooperate?

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

My Bed Was Wet

Oh, I liked him. I really, really did but there are some things that are just an automatic turn off. And even if you want to twist your own arm and turn it back on, it just doesn't happen.

We had been dating for a couple months and I liked him. I did, I did, I did. We talked liked crazy and laughed and had a really good time together. We had good chemistry.

I would get excited when I saw his number pop up on my phone. Really.

Any who.

One night he called after he had been hanging out with his friends and said he wanted to come over.

He got a swift "Sure, come on."

And before you go saying it was a bootie call, it wasn't.

When he got there, I could tell he was a bit tipsy but I didn't say anything because I am not the alcohol police by any means. As a matter of fact, I tried to go to the Alcohol Academy and they kicked me out after they found a case of chardonnay in my room. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Soooo, I know sometimes a person can overindulge.

As soon as his head hit the pillow, he was out like a light.

I wasn't upset at all. I laid there and watched a lil bit of TV and then I finally dozed off.

In the middle of the night or early that morning, I felt something wet.

What? What? What?

Hey, hey, hey, whatchu doin? Are you peeing in my bed? Are you peeing in my bed? I said as I jumped out.

Sho nuff, this clown was peeing in my bed.

I don't know if he was dreamin' or what but he peed in my bed. It was still very early in the morning, like 5 a.m. on a Saturday or something like that.

And because he was a bit hung over or embarassed or whatever, we ended up just folding my mattress cover and egg-like mattress cushion thingamajig in the corner and laying on the floor.

But oh boy, when he woke up, I had to make it clear, crystal clear that he needed to buy me another mattress cushion and cover.

I'm not sure if he asked me not to say anything about it or I just didn't want to embarass him to all of my friends, but whatever. I called up my neice who is 9 years younger than me and just clowned him.

Then I called my BF and clowned him and then my other gfs and just clowned him.

I would holler with laughter each time I told the story.

I couldn't believe that something like that actually happened to me.

What the fudge!!!

What's the craziest thing that a person has done that has automatically turned you OFF? Have you ever had someone you are dating pee in your bed? Have you ever peed in anyone's bed. Would it turn you off?

Share your comments or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Cell Phones Can Make Or Break You

It's a new day with relationships because of technology. This includes cell phones, facebook, twitter, and email.

Some is good and some is bad.

It's exciting, oh boy, is it exciting to get enticing or provocative text messages. MMMMM, did he really send a pic of his DI. hehehehehehe

But what if your 20/20 is not supposed to be looking at another DI or Va-ja-jay because you have someone who thinks you belong to him or her?

Text messaging has caused many relationships, including marriages, to come to a screeching halt.

One of my gfs told me a story about her relative, who is involved in divorce proceedings, finding photos and video, yea video, of her husband and another woman during diggity.

Ummmm, first thought to enter my mind is -- is he learning disabled? Why would you take a pic of yourself in that type of situation with another person and you are in a relationship?

You big dummy!

You are missing some of your brain functionality to actually capture video of you having sex with another woman or man if you are married or in a serious relationship, I'm just sayin...

But not only is snapping a photo or capturing video of you and your new bootie or beau just dumb, so is allowing that person to send you a photo of a boobie, bootie, DI or Va-ja-jay if you are in a relationship.

I just shake my head when I hear the stories.

But is this just a new version of going through somebody's stuff and technology is just involved? It used to be that you would go through a person's thing and find pics and letters.

And then remember the pager and how folks would send a 69? If a significant other saw this it would drop a jaw because then the owner of the eyes looking would know, danggone, danggone, danggone, it's somebody else involved in this here relationship.

But what about looking at a person's phone?

I'm not going to lie, I've looked at a person's cell phone before.

I've looked through drawers and stuff before. I was much younger and ummm dumber.

But those days are ovah!

If I get the urge, I plan to cease and desist the relationship. It's not worth the heartache or headache.

If I'm feeling suspicious then I must go with my gut and remove myself from the situation. Yep, this is a promise I've made to myself.

I would rather cut off my right hand than go through someone's cell phone, so you know I'm serious, serious, serious.

You just feel soooo stupid and sooooo insecure and soooo stupid. If you find something or not.

Fudge that shiggidy!

But what technology do you find most damaging to relationships? Is it photos, text messages, e-mails, Facebook, etc.

Share your thoughts with me here or e-mail me at choosngmrwrong@gmail.com.

Eating Popcorn Can Be Sexual

I like, no I love, to hang around with people who enjoy life, who laugh and smile and emit a positive energy that is contagious.

I found myself in this type of environment during a sex toy party. And it wasn't just the interesting toys that made me smile. The ladies in attendance were really a fun bunch. One of the worst things in the world is going to a Hen party with a bunch of fuddy duddy women. It is the absolute worst!

I should also give Carey Puruczky, the Pure Romance consultant, credit because she added a dash of spice on the affair that I found exciting, interesting and informative.

Did you know that the tip of your nose is just about as sensitive as a clitoris?

Yeppers, when I put the Micro Bullet up to the tip of my nose I was shocked. Wow. Who knew? Hmmmmm.

Then the Pump It Up, a three-speed clitoral vibrator, was placed on my arm and pumped up to show me the effect. My eyes got wide -- real wide. Hmmmm.

While Carey is talking about the various products and toys, I, along with the others in attendance, flip through a catalog and of course smile and laugh and discuss the various products.

Carey comes around with something to put on our lips. She hands us a pen. And the head of the pens have little penis-shape eraser-type things on the tips. Each lady dips the lil penis into the jar and puts the tingly stuff on their lips. Hmmmmm.

It's to make kissing and ummm the other kissing more tingly, and oh yea, it makes your boobies' nips poke out.

Then there's strawberry, cherry, bubble gum and other flavored stuff to help women not gag. Yea, I said not gag. :)

And then there's stuff to put on the Va-ja-jay to give it a different flavor.

Ladies, be sure to do your very own taste test, first. Don't you sample food that you prepare? Well sample. Take your finger, yep, your finger. Sniff, sniff and taste.

Make sure it's not tart before you go adding flavor to something that is already nasty or stinky.

Anywho.

Did you know that there is a 10-speed vibrator called a Purple People Pleaser?

And yep, that's 10, 10, 10!

Heck, forget BOB, ladies. There's a TOM. TOM is a Triple Orgasm Machine.

What? What? What?

I couldn't wait to hold TOM. It thrusts and rotates and is waterproof and nice, very nice.

And at a sex toy party, you can get a tag team. Yes, there is a cock ring that is waterproof and designed to be used during diggity. It can go there or there while the real DI is there. Wowsa Yowsa Wowsa! Hmmmm.

But it wasn't just the toys that were fun.

A game that required the women to move to the next seat over when answering yes to random sexual questions was really fun and caused laughter to roar through the crowd.

Have you ever given wowsa yowsa while driving on a highway? mmmm, OK.

Have you ever had sex with two men in the same day? mmmm, OK.

Are you commando? hehehehe.

Are you a member of the Mile High Club? I wish!

Have you ever been caught by the police while having sex in a car? hehehehehe

Have you ever fantasized about a person of the same sex? hehehehehe

Have you ever had sex in the same bed with another couple? Wow!

Have you ever had a popcorn snack?

I was comprehending up until that point. What the heck is a popcorn snack?

And hey, there's no shame in my game so I ask.

A seemingly innocent woman says, "It's when you are at the movies and the guy you are with puts a hole in the bottom of the popcorn. When you reach over for popcorn, his ... she flashes a smile ... is in the popcorn." Wowsa Yowsa Wowsa Yowsa.

Hmmm, a popcorn snack. I didn't know that such a thing even existed.

Maybe going to the movies is a good date. LOLOLOLOLO.

Have you ever heard of a popcorn snack? Are you intimidated by sex toys? Do you like to use sex toys or sexual products? Have you ever been to a sex toy party?

Share your comments or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Guys Lick Their Lips When They Lie?

Sometimes it is hard to tell but if you look closely, you can figure out if a guy is lying by simply checking out his body language.

First, in my opinion, you must witness a person when they are in their sincerest mode. And seeing a person is key because there are certain cues that say a guy is lying. So ladies, don't let him get away with that lying text message.

I've never witnessed this before but if a guy wraps his legs around the leg of a chair or stool this means he is lying.

Hmmm. If a guy wrapped his leg around a chair or stool, that would not be a good look and I would be thorougly turned off. It's sorta like a guy wearing a charm bracelet. Ugggg.

Another sign is he will pause or repeat the question. Yes, I've witnessed this one before.

He would repeat the question and then make it seem like I lost my mind for asking and then grow the angriest you could imagine. I always knew that the angry monster was lying. LOLOLOLOL

I remember thinking WTF. That was a simple question. Well, no it wasn't cause he didn't want to answer because he was about to give me a big ole lie.

Additionally, this is one of those I wanna get outta here moves and I need a reason to flee. My brother told me that.

I guess guys put their hands in their pockets when they lie, according to this article on cosmopolitan.com.

The next sign seemed a bit like entrapment but hey do whatchu gotta do.

It says the guy can't tell the story out of order. Soooo this requires a woman to ask questions of out order to make him tell the story different than the way he practiced. And you know folks practice lies. Well, I know I do.

Very sneaky ladies, very sneaky.

Another sign that really made me say, yup he was a liar, is that a guy will hold your gaze to make you think that he is being sincere.

I've had one or two folks who were the stare-into-your-eyes liar. It almost appeared like their eyes had a glazed over look to them. You know, like they were drunk or something.

But one that I've nevah heard of before is a guy will flick his tongue or lick his lips before answering.

What! What! What!

So all that lip action that may appear to be supa sexy really means supa liar. Check out the blog that says licking lips means I like you. No wonder we are often confused, ladies. Read about licking lips.

And sometimes you just gotta go with your gut. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck ummmmm, welllllll, it's a duck.

How can you tell when your guy or girl is lying? Do you practice your lies?
Share your comments with me here or e-mail me your thoughts.

Do Women Self-Destruct On Dating Scene?

Men have dating fears.

Is that right?

One fear is that a woman will come between him and his friends, the eHarmony article stated.

"No guy wants to start a relationship with a woman only to end up estranged from his buddies six months later."

Hmmmm.

I find this interesting because shouldn’t a full life have time for work and play and everything in between. There shouldn’t be too much of anything. Heck, I see it like eating a well-balanced meal. Everything in moderation.

But OK, if this is a fear I will accept that.

No. 2 is that a woman will soak up all of his free time.

If a woman is soaking up too much of a man’s free time doesn’t that mean they aren’t really a good match. If she wants to spend more time together than he does, isn’t that a problem.

Maybe I can’t take off these female goggles but if a guy doesn’t want to spend his time with a woman aren’t both of them wasting their time?

No. 3 is that the woman will pretend to be sane and really turn out to be cockle doodle dooo crazy. Ummmm, yea, I’m all in on this one. There are really crazy people and then there’s really unstable people, so I get this one.

No. 4 is the guy will not be respected by the woman. Whew! Hold up. Gotta keep reading.

The article said, a wise psychologist once wrote, "In a relationship, women want to be cherished and men want to be admired. Men do want their partners to admire them. Not in a ticker-tape parade kind of way, but as a quiet nod of respect for what he does and has accomplished."

OK, I get it. Women want to be adored and cherished and men want to be praised, admired and respected.

The article continued with information on how a man doesn’t want to be criticized in front of his friends.

I can see that. Neither does a woman.

The No. 5 reason is that men think that a woman will be high maintenance. The article says she’s fussy and he is concerned that she can’t be pleased.

Again, I say, this is the wrong chickypoo. Although sometimes women need to freeze with all the extraordinary demands.

Also, women should stop worrying about their hair and nails and go hiking and get dirty. Don’t worry about which restaurant, find something on the menu where he takes you and yea stop being so danggone picky.

I found this part of the article very interesting, “Knowing what men instinctively fear can be a great way to think about your own behavior and the effect it may have on your dating life."

I often wonder why women complain about not being able to find a good guy. I’m not bragging, but I really can’t relate to this. I’ve never had difficulty in the dating department. Not when I was younger and not now.

When I was younger, the guys would lose interest after finding out I was a virgin but I would just pick up my potato chips and punch and keep it movin. LOLOLOLO

So can women actually be self-destructing on the dating scene by being too demanding and scaring guys to death or is it that men really don’t want to put in the time and effort for a good relationship?

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Ladies, Become Your Man’s Biggest Cheerleader

There are four Cs to showing your love to a woman -- cut, clarity, carat and color.

Hey, Beyonce says put a rang :) on it. And ummm make that a pretty one.

But there are supposedly four Cs to loving a black man according to an article on blackplanet.com.

I really hate to write about black men specifically, but they are special needs :) And so are black women.

I do, however, believe that all women can learn from the following tips.

Being a CONSPIRATOR. This means setting him up for greatness.

Uplift him. Compliment him. Cook for him. Make him feel real good about himself, particularly when he may be down.

Then there is CO-PASTOR. The explanation of this in the article was a bit confusing but I think it means basically a woman is supposed to pray for her husband/man when he isn’t praying for himself.

Yep, yep, yep. My mom did this. But the next go round, I really want somebody who believes in praying and is seeking HIM.

Shoot, I want him to be more steadfast about his faith than me. If that’s wrong, well...

The third one mentioned in the article is CONDITIONER. This one got me to really thinking. A conditioner detangles. It alleviates dandruff. Brings gloss. It heals.

Whew! That's deep.

And the fourth C is be a CHEERLEADER.

Whew! Good googly moogly.

It says, "Every woman involved with a black man has to learn how to be a cheerleader. A cheerleader is of no consequence when the team is winning. When the team has scored a touch down, you can’t hear the cheerleaders because the whole stadium is ecstatic and excited. Cheerleaders are necessary after a tackle, a hit or an injury. Every black man yearns to have somebody on the sidelines who will cheer for him when he’s not making progress." Read the article.

I shared this with someone and he asked me to repeat myself several times because he is silly.

But really black women need to repeat this, "I need to be a cheerleader even when the team isn’t winning."

I think we, and don’t get mad y’all, give up sometimes too soon on something that may be really good. It may have something to do with black women trying to be so take charge, let me do this. I can do this better.

And there’s nothing wrong with being Ms. Independent, but also we need to try to be Ms. I Got Yo Back. It’s unconditional support. It’s unconditional love.

Hmmmm. I’m just sayin...

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Sleeping Together At Family Member’s House

There are some things about me that are soooo deeply ingrained and sooooo old fashioned that sometimes I have to pause and say danggone why do I feel that way?

Recently, I spent some time with a friend at one of his relative’s home.

I was a bit uncomfy and my friend tried to make me feel a little better about it all with a little bit of success.

My parents are really traditional and do not believe in people staying in their home in the same bed unless they are married.

This typically applied for people in their 20s.

But what the heck do you do when you are grown, ummm real grown? Hmmmm.

Go with the flow I guess.

My friend clearly thought that I was trippin' so I took a step back and realized this is the way I was raised. That’s why I feel like a fish out of water.

But what about diggity in a relative’s home and you are not married?

Awww Schucks. Danggone.

My morals and my parents were tuggin' at me. Morals and parents sittin' on one shoulder and I don't know what that was on the other. But I was listening to all of them.

OK, I’ve snuck before when I was younger. But why do I still feel like a young girl trying to sneak?

The whole phenomenon made me laugh at myself.

But then I have to remember, that a person’s family really shapes them. Probably even more than I realized.

The way I act. The way I eat. The way I talk. The way I argue. The way I show affection.

After I just accepted that I am what I am what I am what I am, I said thanks. And then said let’s get on the floor because I don’t want the bed to make any noise. LOLOLOLOL

Yes, a grown woman on the floor.

How does your family feel about couples who are not married staying together? Is my family the last of the Mohicans of traditionalist? Do you feel crazy sneaking to have diggity in a relative’s home?

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Do You Divorce Ex And Relatives?

There’s an interesting change of dynamics that takes place once a couple decides to break up or get a divorce.

Those two people are no longer interested in hanging out with each other, or talking as much to each other but what happens to the other relationships that were formed because of that relationship or marriage?

A book "Growing Through Divorce" that I read talks about how many relatives will feel like they must choose a side while others will reach out in order to maintain a relationship.

Part of the heartbreak of a divorce is the possibility of losing relationships that have become a major part of your life.

I have people on my ex’s side who still call me cousin, auntie and niece. And there are people on my side who still refer to him as brother-in-law, cousin and uncle.

In fact, on the day I was moving out of our home, my nephew called my ex "uncle."

One of my cousin's after he finally saw me after the divorce said, "Cuz, I’m sorry about the divorce, but when I see him, I’m still gonna be like what's up man cause he was a cool cat."

"Great," I tell him because I know that my cousin liked my ex and just because we got a divorce doesn’t mean that he stops liking him.

There are people on his side who I established relationships with over the 14 years who make it clear that they want to stay in touch. They say they want to hang out. They want to be cool just like before.

And I encourage people on my side to maintain a relationship, if that relationship really meant anything to them.

I have to admit that it’s really hard trying to figure out what to do with the relationships that were developed before and during a marriage.

Some people have counseled me to just go on with my life.

"You divorced him, so you divorced his family."

I don’t necessarily subscribe to that mindset, but there is definitely a difference because of the whole crazy, awkwardness of it.

Some people have said there would be a reason to stay connected to his family if we had kids together.

I don’t agree with this either. A child didn’t have anything to do with the relationships that I established in his family or for the relationships he established in mine.

Interestingly, in our divorce papers, dog visitation is allowed.

What really got me thinking about the relationships established because of me and my ex's relationship is how Carmen Electra, our dog, responded when I dropped her off for visitation.

Carmen likes to ride in the car, so when we set out from our home she had her nose out the window as usual. I talk to my dog, so I told her earlier that morning that she was going to see her dad.

Yea, that’s her dad, and I’m her mom. :)

When we pulled up in the driveway, it seemed like an excitement filled her 45-pound body and once my ex appeared in the door, she couldn’t contain herself.

She had not seen him in a couple months, but it was clear that she knew exactly who he was. I hurried to move out of her way so that she could get to him.

She does a doggy cry and jumps on him as he rubs her stomach. She is excited as ever.

Nah, we don’t ALL live together anymore. But she hasn’t stopped loving him and responding to him the same as she did when he would come home from work.

It’s good to know that some people on my side of the family will be excited to see him, and it’s good to know that some people on his side will be excited to see me. I think those are true relationships that are worth maintaining.

So should you maintain relationships with people’s relatives after a divorce if you were friends before? If no children were involved, does it matter? Does it matter more when children are involved? What are the difficulties of maintaining a relationship with ex in-laws? If you love someone in your ex’s family do you stop loving them after the divorce?

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Sexual Fantasies, Wowsa Yowsa

While reading about men’s top relationship secrets in an online article, I was shocked. Heck, I was knocked off my feet stunned when I read that the fourth top sexual fantasy by a man is having another man perform oral sex on him.

Huh! What?! Huh! Huh! What?

OK, after I got over the shock, I put on my reporter’s cap, grabbed my notebook and hit the pavement to interview people.

Well, not really. But I started a crazy search for information on sexual fantasies.

What I found is that men fantasize about being with another woman, other than the woman with which they are involved. Uh huh, yep, uh huh.

Both men and women fantasize about oral sex. OK, not shocked there.

Men fantasize about having sex with two women and the ladies fantasize about sex with two men. Not shocked by the two women and one man and eyebrow raised at two men and one woman.

Men and women fantasize about being tied up and spanked. OK.

But I kept going back to the thought of a man fantasizing about another man giving him oral sex.

Wowsa Yowsa. Is this true?

Gotta read more.

Another fantasy that I read about that really perplexed and interested me all at the same time is a woman wearing a strap on with her man. Yep, her man. Yes, her man. Yes, you read a woman wearing a strap-on with her man.

I guess the fantasy is empowering and many women want to experience the whole phenomenon of entering. Wowsa Yowsa!

With my mouth wide open and eyes bucked, I continued reading. The information said it doesn’t mean that the guy is gay. OK, OK. Wowsa Yowsa!

But how can a woman want to actually put on a strap-on and get bizzy with her guy?

OK, maybe a butt plug or something to help him experience the "milking the prostate" thingymajiggy, but a strap-on and just taking over.

The thought of it makes me shake my head, but hey, hey, hey, who am I to judge.

Women want to be taken advantage of or ravaged. Women also want to pretend to be a prostitute or stripper. Mmmmmm, sounds like fun.

Men also fantasize about anal sex. Although some women get a bit put off by the whole idea, it doesn’t suggest that the guy has any "gay tendencies."

Well ahrighty then. Well, ahrighty, ahrighty, ahrighty.

Soooooooo. Yall, probably won’t share your sexual fantasies with me, but I gotta ask. What is your No. 1 sexual fantasy? Do you think there is a problem with a woman putting on a strap-on? Are you at all troubled by the thought of your man fantasizing about receiving oral sex from another man?

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.

Date Only Within Your Race?

When dating, should you seek out people who are of the same race?

Hmmm.

About two years ago, one of my family members told me of a guy she was dating. He’s nice. We have so much fun together.

She grabbed her phone and showed me a pic.

“He’s white,” she says as if she was bracing me before the pic popped up.

“Well, ahright. A redhead white boy, get down!” I say and laugh.

I’m not sure if she was seeking my approval but I reassured her quickly.

“Sweetheart, I don’t care if he is purple. If you like him? I like him. Heck, I love him. The most important thing to me is that he is good to you.”

But I think the oddity of the relationship finally got the best of them. In addition to dealing with cultural differences and regular relationship hassles, they had to deal with strange looks from people when they would go out together. And I have never dated outside my race, but I imagine that would be tough?

Heck, I would probably become a bit indignant. “You’ve never seen a black woman with a white man,” I would likely say to staring onlookers.

I might get really frustrated and do some things that I shouldn’t even admit that I would do.

Any who.

My other friend told me that she was dating a white guy and then asked me if I spat out my water?

“No, girl, I did not.”

She had an excitement about her when she spoke of the guy that I found interesting. She seemed very happy and did I assume he was black, yea, I did. But does it really matter? I don’t think so.

And in both of these situations, it is a black woman with a white man.

I’m not sure if society in general and black people specifically are more forgiving of this type of relationship.

Because of what many black women call a shortage of good black men because of jail, homosexuality, etc., there seems to be more disdain for a black man – white woman relationship.

To that end, I have a friend who shared with me that black women always look at him like he is a sellout.

“Well, that’s their problem. Fudge them. You didn’t set out to fall in love with a white woman so forget them,” I told him without batting an eye.

Again, I’ve never dated outside my race so it’s clearly easier said than done. Would I date outside my race, yea, I think so. Maybe a bit for curiosity, but isn’t that why we choose to date the people we date?

And honestly, I've never seen a white DI in person. This might be on my list of things to do before I die. LOLOLOLO

I have to admit I have more of an attraction to white guys with dark features. Delish!

So would you date outside your race or have you? Do you think black women have more of a problem with interracial relationships? Or are white women just as resentful when seeing an interracial couple? Do you look at interracial couples differently? Be honest, do you give a double take?

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com