It's Sunday. It's raining and the sun isn't shining. I have a cough, and I didn't push my way out the door to early-morning service. "Shame on you," I hear in my head. I snap back, "The Lord knows my heart."
And HE really does.
I've shared with some of my very good friends that a heart after a tough relationship and divorce is a bit battered and bruised. The description I provide is that my heart has a couple stitches and a few Band-Aids on it. Some laugh at the mental picture I provide while others really understand the pain I've experienced.
I've taken a few blows over the years, and I can't pretend it left me unscathed. Whew, words hurt!
In relationships, people always say things that they don't mean. But sometimes it's just downright cruel. It is like being in a battle of words. Oh, what you say! I gotchu. And then more mean words are hurled about like frisbees, but there's nothing fun about it. And when it's over, there's another bruise on one's heart. This one isn't dead center, but a little to the left.
We reason on a very elementary level "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." But who was the liar that came up with this? It should be: "Sticks and stones hurt my bones and words hurt me even more."
But I guess that's no way to make a kid feel tough on the playground or an adult feel tough in life for that matter.
Going to church in many ways helps to heal my heart. It also keeps God and the Cardinal Rule "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" front and center in my life.
Everytime I go to church and hear my pastor's sermons no matter what the topic, I can feel the itchiness of my heart's wounds. Oh, they are healing.
And while I estimate my capacity to give love at about 75 percent, one day soon I will be one-hun again! I mean really -- can you imagine giving someone a heart that has stitches and Band-Aids on it? :)
When I give my heart, it will be shined all up and my battle wounds will be covered with tattoos that say, Live, Laugh and dare I say LOVE!
Live, Laugh and Love. Words to live by. I believe what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. I bellieve that my heartache has actually expanded my ability to love. "Because even in defeat there is a lesson learned, therefore, a victory for me" lyric from Jay-Z's 'blueprint' album. I relate this to quote I read "God takes us through turbulent waters not drown us, but to cleanse us". I think of this when I reflect back on my failed relationships. I think of the happiness I share with my fiancee now and know that I was supposed to experience that pain and heartache as a means to appreciate the women I have now. As I take off those band aids, it all makes sense now.
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