I really need to get back to blogging because this is where it all started for me. About 8 years ago, I sat in front of my computer EVERY night and blogged about something. I can't promise that I will be back every night, but I am working on getting back to the basics, back to blogging at least twice a week.
Since the last time I tapped on a keyboard to blog, a bunch has happened with Choosing Mr. Wrong. I celebrated one year of my female movement and relationship project to empower and inspire women to make better decisions in relationships. Again, it all started with blogging. I used to share my thoughts, my perspective on relationship stuff with the world right here.
So this post is not going to be any different. I sat down to blog because of something that just happened to me.
I wasted (well, I didn't, but I was the last one in the basement) a recently purchased, full bottle of detergent all over the basement floor. I didn't discover it. The man who holds my heart did. He came to me and asked, "What happened with the detergent, babe? It's all over the floor." His voice was not raised. He wasn't glaring at me with anger. He was calm.
I looked up at him, wondering what he was talking about but at the same time I had stood to my feet. I wanted to see what happened.
We both surveyed the damage and began to clean up the spill. I devised a plan to use towels. It was a mess. Plus, a whole bottle of detergent (detergent ain't cheap) was all over the floor.
As I grabbed towels and started to wipe, I thought to myself. He doesn't flip out over nothing stuff and how I love that about him.
Don't get me wrong. There have been several other times when I have seen this man operate and it convinced me that I could trust him with my pain...that I could trust him with my heart.
I made some decisions several years ago about the type of man that I would allow in my life. If you are one of my loyal followers, you know that I LOVE a man with nice arms. One of the first things I notice is a man's arms. Yep, I'm an arms girl. I like nice, strong, muscular, defined, ooooweee arms...but back to the point of this post.
I made some decisions about some character qualities, too. I told myself that I needed to date men who have a relationship with Christ. He needed to be a praying man. To have a good relationship, one must love the Lord first to even understand love.
I wanted a kind man. Of course, most women want a man who is kind. I wanted someone who would adore me. What woman doesn't want her guy to adore her?
I wanted someone who was ambitious, but who still made time for me and didn't make me feel like I was #2, #3 or #whenever he was free. I wanted him to make time to be with me. I wanted him to make time for us to nurture our relationship. I wanted him to understand that relationships, good relationships, just don't happen. You have to make them good.
But there was one thing that I said about what I wanted that I constantly remind the ladies who attend my coaching workshops. I said I wanted a man who did not anger easily. Yea, I have dated and been in relationships with men who had that quick temper. Actually, that difficult, huh, what-was-that-all-about temper. You know the type! In fact after being with a few, I changed my behavior. As soon as I would suspect or notice a 'lil itty bitty temper, this girl was on to the next one. Nope, wasn't gonna do it. I had convinced myself that it was insanity. It was insanity. You know, to keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect a different result. I have been there and done that and I have the scares on my heart.
In all seriousness, I have scars that have healed from some awful things that I have been called and some awful things that have been said in fits of anger. During those times, I would muster the courage and tell myself that I could handle it. I was tough. I was strong. I would even go back to my childhood and recall, sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. But who was I kidding? Words hurt! And for words to come from someone who is supposed to like you or love you...ouch, they hurt even more. They inflict more pain. They pierce the soul and bring about a coldness, a hardness to the heart.
But when you allow someone to talk to you crazy, to disrespect you, to flip out, to hit the roof with a fireball of anger and you do nothing, you have to recognize something in yourself. It's not just his problem. You have a problem, too. You are making a bad decision to be with him. You are sacrificing yourself. You are being stupid.
No one deserves to be in a relationship in which someone -- the man or the woman -- is talking hard, being cruel, acting nasty. It's not fair! Words hurt. Words can cut to the core. Words can replay in your mind.
It is necessary to handle someone that you love like you care about their feelings...Like you care about the way that the words that come out of your mouth will fall on their heart. You can't say you love someone and talk raggedy to them and then apologize and say you didn't mean it. And if you do it, stop! That is dysfunctional. Love is not hit the roof with a fireball of anger. It is calm. It is kind. It is caring. It is careful.
All of this just poured out of me in my Coach Dee style, but I know all too well about a heart not being handled properly. It motivates me to uplift, inspire and empower women. It makes me talk about self-love all day, every day. It causes me to interject sometimes into conversations that deal with matters of the heart. It drives me to want to spread self-love all over because if you truly love yourself, you will make better decisions in relationships. And of course, a self-love journey is a self-awareness journey.
I cannot handle fussing and cussing and yelling and screaming. I am not built for it. Yea, I am pretty tough, but I am strong enough to admit that a man who is easy to anger can never and will never consume space in my heart again. It's too hard and it hurts too much! I absolutely need to be handled with care.
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