How To Answer: Why Aren't You Married?

For some odd reason, I have gotten this question several times over the past few weeks. It's always been interesting to me that people are so concerned about another person's relationship status.

For some, it let's them know how close they can get to you. Are you available? Can you two date? For me, that is usually those guys wondering if there is a possibility. Ummm, nope!

But for others, they are trying to determine if they can trust you. This is the group that I deal with the most. This is usually women who are part of or interested in being part of my self-love female movement.

There are a few people in my life who want the best for me and are asking the question lovingly. You can always tell by their tone. It's that I'm excited that things are going so well for you, so when can I celebrate this love you have found with you tone. :)

But then, there is another behind-hole segment of the population. They are only asking this question because they want to tell me in an indirect way, a passive aggressive way (I have a disdain for passive aggressive behavior) that if I am all in love and my relationship is all that, I would be married.

When dealing with all these types, I smile. And that is what you should do when you are being quizzed about your relationship status during the holidays or at any time.

First, it is your decision to even discuss your personal business with a family member, friend or associate. Second, it really isn't any of their business unless they are ready to finance a $20K or $30K extravaganza for you. Third, it isn't any of their business and fourth, it isn't any of their business. LOLOLO

If it helps you, I tell folks that MY journey is for happiness and if marriage becomes a part of that, great! It makes nosy people back off and it gives them something to think about.

Some people get things confused. They think that being in a relationship equals happiness, so of course this type of mindset leads many to believe that marriage equals happiness. It does not. Marriage does not equal a good relationship. Marriage does not equal love. Heck, marriage does not equal anything.

Well, it does equal that you are the beneficiary if he happens to kick the bucket. LOLOLO

So as you run across people with the "When are you getting married?" "Why aren't you married?" "When are you going to settle down?" Smile and come up with a great but vague response that provides the amount of information that you are willing to share. And if you do not want to share be direct and say, "I do not want to discuss my personal relationships with you." Remember to smile.

Don't let it put you in a bad headspace either. Most of the time, people are just nosy and their life is boring and you are interesting. Don't let anybody push you to do something you do not want to do or be with someone just for the sake of having somebody to be with so that you can shut them up! Don't do it.

Don't feel bad about your current circumstances either. If you are single, walk in your singlehood with confidence. Walk boldly. Do not let anyone make you feel like a relationship would validate you. Celebrate your life right where you are.

If you are in a committed relationship that has not led to a ring quite yet, enjoy nurturing that relationship. Enjoy your partner. Enjoy where you are right now. You will never enjoy this stage of your relationship again -- never!

And if you are married, get tuned in to your mate. Understand him. Study her. Make your marriage a happy place. Make it a place of patience, love and understanding. Have fun together. Talk to each other. Make time for each other. Devote yourself to being a good life partner.

And if you are making a mad dash to marriage, ask yourself why? Do you want to be married and have an enjoyable, happy, fulfilling life with someone whose life's goals are aligned with yours? Or do you just want a body in your bed or a ring on your finger? Heck, do you just wanna be able to say, I'm married!

Think about it! Happy Thanksgiving!