On a gray Sunday, I watched several shows that touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes.
I was at home alone so no one got a chance to see the tears fall from my eyes. And it wasn't too many tears because my dog didn't pay it any attention.
Fast forward.
I’m talking to one of my gfs and telling her how sappy I had been, and wondering why I was soooooo emotional watching TV. Conclusion was it was waaaay tooo much Lifetime and Hallmark. :)
We laugh but somehow the conversation switches to guys being emotional and crying and how she does not want to see a man cry.
We laugh some more.
I tell her I'm OK with a guy crying. I’m OK with a guy being emotional because I think it shows that he is human and that he feels.
Plus, to me it's refreshing to see a guy experience an emotion other than anger.
She took the opposite stance. No crying ummmmm unless it's at a funeral.
No weaklings, no wimps, no criers allowed! It's not how the men in her family have operated, she says.
I have strong men in my family and it doesn't negate their masculinity when I have seen them cry, I respond.
My father was soooo emotional when my grandmother died that I really didn't know how to respond, but it made it clear to me that he is strong but human.
And heck, I cry and I know I'm about as strong as they come :) I'm also emotional but it doesn't mean that I'm a whimp either.
But she says it's OK for a woman to be emotional. It's OK for women to cry.
We keep going.
I pose a hypothetical. Wedding vows says good, bad, rich, poorer, etc. so if your husband comes to you with something and he's emotional and he's sharing with you his feelings, you would think less of him if he cried.
This is when I knew there was no softening her on her perspective.
She went as far as to say that she would prefer that he see a spiritual advisor or therapist instead of crying in front of her. Her conclusion was only at funerals or if the spirit moved in church.
We go back and forth like champions on the tennis court. Wham! I hit the ball. Wham! She returns it.
And then finally I realize we are sooooo far apart on this issue that we laugh and let it go.
But is it OK for a guy to cry? Is it OK for him to be emotional? How much is too much for a man to cry?
my GF told me once that a man should only cry on his marriage day, when his dog dies or when a child is born
ReplyDeleteI get a little uncomfortable when my husband cries. Its happened at our wedding, funerals and once or twice in a bad fight. I never know how to console him. I think its because we arent taught to deal with men when they cry so we dont like to see it.
ReplyDeleteTo frizzy hooker, I am one who has a problem dealing with men being emotional and crying. If it's not at a funeral (preferrably mine) then there's no need to cry. I may can give you the marriage day. But even then you are only allotted 1-2 tears maximum.
ReplyDeleteTo anonymous, it is uncomfortable because men are not supposed to be naturally emotionally creatures. That's why it's something you don't know how to deal with.