I'm Not Sabotaging My Relationship

My bff has told me that I'm like a crackhead in my new relationship.

Yes, I want to be around him. I enjoy his company immensely and he has a way about him that is caring and easy and gentle and considerate, but that's not what she is talking about.

She is talking about the paranoia that I experience. It's like if I see a inkling of anything I don't want, what I think I don't want, what I've been disappointed with in the past, I'm up in arms like he has committed the worst crime known to relationships.

After telling her about an incident involving him not going to work and not telling me until later that evening, she blurted it out.

"D, you are like a crackhead. You are paranoid."

We laughed and laughed and laughed.

I try to explain my feelings.

"We texted earlier that day and he didn't tell me and this was totally out of character," I say.

And we laugh until tears roll down our faces.

But then after our conversation, I thought about. I may have a bit of paranoia. It wasn't like I thought he called off to spend the day laid up with a new boo. It was just that he didn't tell me and how do you go all day and not mention I'm at home chillaxin'.

I wanna call Houston and say we have a problem, but OK, OK, OK. It's nothing major. It's no reason to be all upset.

Heck, my name is Darlene and I'm scared to death of being in another failed relationship.

He has given me plenty of grief about how I feel but has agreed to be patient with my apprehensions and fears or whatever it is. Mooooah!

I'm not sure if I'm alone in feeling a bit scared of disappointment, but I'm certain that I do not want to sabotage my relationship.

He's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination (neither am I), but he makes me happy, he is respectful and I feel like we are the only two people on the planet when we are together.

I think I was getting ready to sabotage my relationship by focusing on little things and making them huge things.

But I'm not doing it.

Whenever I see an inkling of something that doesn't feel so comfy, I'm not going to take an opportunity to put on my relationship boxing gloves and point it out to him. Jabbin' him in da jaw. LOLOLOL

I'm going to think of something nice he has said or done.

Nah, I'm not saying that everything will go unnoticed. That's not possible because that's not how I'm made, but it is unnecessary to say something about every little thing that may bother me.

And then my delivery has to different. In the aforementioned situation I could have simply said, "Babe, it makes me feel like you aren't talking to me when you do that."

Because really that's all it was.

Have you ever sabotaged a good relationship or know someone who has? Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.