Ladies, Be Quiet!

When I started looking for a place to live, it was crucial that it be dog-friendly. I have an 8-year-old chow-sheltie mix and we are a package deal. I call us the Darlene and Carmen special. You take me, you take my dog. You like me, umm, you better like my dog.

I looked all over the city. Surprisingly, there weren’t many places that were dog friendly in Cleveland’s eastern suburbs. I can’t say I blame landlords because if dogs are not taken care of properly and housebroken, things could get messed up and funk-a-dunk stanky.

When I met my landlord, he explained that single women lived on each side of my unit. He said it was quiet. Although dog-friendly was most important, the noise level was also a concern since a few days a week I am at work at 6 a.m. OK, 6:10.

He said it was a quiet area and that he would take care of plowing the snow in the winter and cutting the grass in the summer. Ahright, that sounds good to me.

And then not only was the landlord accepting of Carmen, the unit had its very own entrance. This is like striking gold for a dog owner. Taking long walks down hallways when nature calls is not the move. When you have your very own entrance, you can stand in the door in your robe.

OK, I have my very own entrance. It’s dog-friendly and quiet. He provides snow removal and lawn care. And oh yea, it’s centrally located for work and play. And umm, I forgot the rent is just right for my pocketbook.

But when the landlord said there are two ladies, albeit single ladies, that would be living on both sides of me, I should have understood what else that meant.

Ummm, first off when I said it’s me and Carm. It’s true. It’s me and Carm who reside in the unit on most days and nights of the week.

Nope, not for my neighbors. One has her daughter and her daughter’s daughter so I hear “Didn’t I tell you to go to bed.”

OK, I can deal with this.

On the other side, it’s the woman and her daughter and her daughter’s son.

But OK, OK, I can deal with this.

It’s sorta like the 80-20 rule that many use in relationships but I’m applying to life. You can get about 80 percent of what you want most of the time. If you think you have 100 percent – give it a month or two. Things will change. :)

Fuhget the crying kids who don’t want to go to bed.

I don't hear it most of the time cause when my head hits the pillow, it’s lights out and my heavy breathing begins. Yep, heavy breathing, no snoring.

On a recent weekend night, I was a bit restless.

Ahright, I’m gonna lay on my stomach. Nah, my side. Shoot, my back. OK, OK, my side. Nah, my stomach.

Any who, I couldn’t get to sleep.

But then I was dozing. You know, that sleep when you don’t even realize that you're sleeping?

It was just at that moment, I heard “Ah, Ah, Ah.”

Nah, nah.

“Ahh, ahhh, ahhhh,” I hear again. And as I try to get my wits about myself by rubbing my eyes and stretching, I think I hear a bed squeaking.

Nah, nah.

“Ahh, ahhhh,” female voice. And then dude asks the classic question, “You like that, baby?”

“Ummm, NO!” I do not. These walls are too thin.

OK, I grab the remote to increase the volume, and danggone, my remote ain’t set up right. Grrrr, so now I gotta get out the bed to turn up the volume.

OK, volume up and the oohs and ahhhs are down.

But then while I’m lying there, I’m thinking about my own behavior.

Conversations and ummmm…. I grab my pillow and cover my head thinking, “What the freak!???”