Two seemingly wonderful people meet, fall in love and get married.
Each person has his and her own likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, quirks, pet peeves, personality traits, you know, all the stuff that make us uniquely individuals.
He likes everything about you! She likes everything about you! Well, almost everything.
You vow to honor, love and obey.
HONOR in my eyes, in the context of marriage, is to hold higher than all others. Respect above all others and to place on a pedestal. Yes, my king.
LOVE in my eyes is to jump in with all fours -- both arms, both legs. Look up the word in the dictionary.
LOVE has a big sign hanging from the capitol L that says timid and immature need not apply for marriage licenses. This is strictly for adults willing to give it the old college try.
OBEY in my eyes is just that. Listen. Follow. And ummm Obey!
Yea, I heard you ladies: "Obey! She is trippin." "Obey, nah, I didn't say that when I got married." "Obey, he is not my father." "Obey, I not obeying a man."
OK, whatever. But that's what you are supposed to do.
So, I'm on board with LOVE. I'm giving all I got. I'm like that empty bottle of ketchup that you didn't realize was empty until you are back from the store and you got a pot full of hot dogs and a house full of kids. You shake it and squeeze it and turn it upside down in an effort to get every drop.
Honor. I'm on board. Cooking, cleaning, washing, you got it. And umm, I'm still going to work, so I got a 'lil bacon for you babe.
Obey. I'm listening but I do have an opinion sooooo..., but when it comes down to the nitty gritty, it's all love, honor and YOUR way.
But being able to talk, provide an opinion, interject, discuss, converse -- not conversate y'all -- is crucial.
But do you have to agree to obey? I say no, butt errr ummm, do you?
It's important to understand what place comments are coming from, too. Stay with me, I'm about to explain.
I disagree with people I love all the time. Most recently, my sister said on my second time around I should marry someone who loves me more than I love him. "Nope, you wrong," I tell her. "Plus, how do you gauge love?"
Conversation over. I love her. She loves me. We respectfully disagree. She just wants the best for me, so while we don't agree I know it comes from a place called love, concern and care.
When a wife disagrees with her husband, isn't it coming from that same place called love, concern and care?
Or is a disagreeing wife "a big mouth," "negative" and "a complainer?"
I agree that at the end of the day. You can respectfully disagree. It is ok for two folks in love to not agree all the time. That is realistic. I think that will eventually prove to be more healthy for a marriage when two individuals learn to respect one another's differences in opinion.
ReplyDeleteOnce you put the covenant of marriage into biblical terms thoough...that is when contemporary women will start to rolll their necks and shuck their teeths. The female IS supposed to 'obey' the man. The man is held liable for the well being of the marriage. He is the spiritual head and the women is the neck that supports the head, holds him upright & point straight ahead. This cannot be accomplished without compliance from the women. Even in disageements, there must be a willingness to concede and let him be the man. This also empowers a man in a positive way when he knows that even though she doesnt completely agree with the decision he is making, she still expresses her support for her husband. This speaks to what the pastor talks about during marital nuptials. We lose ourselves in the subconscious bull-ish our society feeds us from the time we are aware of the dichotemy that is the relations between men and women. We think as adversaries in situations that produce conflict. We forget that at the end of the day you got to go home with this person and live, hopefully harmoniously. NO argument is worth compromising the sanctity of your home and marriage and relationship to your life partner. So to concede and accept the roles of your marriage as they are written is about losing your ego and subconscious hang-ups and finding your marital bliss in who your with.
Who cares! When it is the right person, none of this stuff matters. When you find the person who brings you the comfort and joy you wish for, you learn to get through the times you disagree. Love runs from drama and dissatisfaction, just as it should. Love is comfort and joy. Those of us who live for love know what we are looking for and what it is supposed to feel like.
ReplyDeleteRuben