There are several stages to a relationship and all make a healthy, happy bond.
During recent conversations with friends, however, it seems that everyone wanted to stay in the honeymoon stage because it seemed like people thought the honeymoon was the best stage.
This conversation involved a friend who shares a lot of the same views as I do. But on this, we disagree on how long the honeymoon stage lasts. I say up to about 6 months. He says up to about a year.
After researching the stages of relationships, I discovered that Stage One is considered the Attraction and Romance Stage and it can last for a few months to a few years depending on the couple.
In this stage that many call the Honeymoon Stage, some of the characteristics include spending a lot of time together, being in love, avoiding conflict and you can’t imagine being apart from your lover.
According to Dr. Susan Campbell, author of "The Couple's Journey," there are five stages.
In stage one, everything is love.
"Romancing takes up a lot of energy with all the courting and pretensions and trying to be the same and eventually you begin to tire," she says.
Wowsa Yowsa. I like Dr. Campbell. She tells it like it I-S is.
Stage Two is when reality sets in. In this stage, the Power Struggle Stage, you see flaws in your partner and behaviors that you don’t like.
Remember, you are not going to love everything about him or her.
"There is a pulling away from each other, a need for space, a chance to breathe...all of which is quite normal."
All the wild sex has worn folks out. LOLOLO
I’m not sure if my past has anything to do with it, but I recognize flaws even when I have butterflies in my stomach. My relationship motto is: "It is what it is."
Thanks, but I’ll pass on the disillusionment in my coffee.
The experts say, "The romance stage features many endorphins running through your body that gives you that "high" sensation. Your body can’t keep this up forever, and so in this stage your elation begins to level off. You might even wonder if you are still in love."
Stage Three is the test-a-roni.
It is the Stability Stage. This is when there will be arguments, but if there is strong communication a couple will breeze through this stage without a break up or divorce.
It is then that the couple is aware of each others personal world instead of just his or her own and the difference is okay. It is finally clear you are not going to reshape your partner. Clear boundaries are determined, Campbell says.
This is when it gets real, real, real good. You’ve been through good, good, good and now it’s time to sprinkle in some of that bad. After all, you have accepted the personality flaws and the annoying behavior.
And I don’t think that people pay attention to the pastor when exchanging wedding vows when he or she says, the good and the bad. Cause ummmm, there’s gonna be bad.
I’m not being negative. I’m actually an optimist, many may even say an idealist but there is going to be bad.
My mother always told me that the bad should not outweigh the good. When it does, Houston we have a problem.
But ponder this, isn't it easy to have fun with a person? It’s easy to go through the good times. That’s a breeze.
The way a couple weathers a storm speaks volumes of the true bond and a commitment to each other.
This is when big girl panties and big boy Tims are necessary. Put em on and let's do work.
At Stage Four is when commitment sets in. It is the Commitment Stage. The fantasy stage is gone and folks have accepted the growth of the relationship. There is a true connection.
"In this stage you are wide awake, making clear choices about yourself and your partner, based both on individual differences and those things you have in common," Campbell says.
You may, however, feel a little bored at times as the chase is definitely over. You may also miss the honeymoon feelings and wonder if those feelings can be found in someone else.
Stage Five is where most couples never get to. It is the co-creation stage.
And nah, not just making babies -- co-creating a life together. This includes projects, church, business ventures and children.
This is when life is good, good, goood. This is what my parents have built over the last 50 years. And it's goood, it's gooood, it's real gooood.
If you are already married, here’s an article about the 7 Stages of Marriage
But what are your thoughts about the stages of a relationship? Is honeymoon the best or co-creation? Where are you in your relationship?
Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.
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