He Thinks I'm A Makeup Monster

I recently put on my makeup on the way to an event in the vehicle of the guy I'm dating.

Dab, dab, rub-a-dub dub. Foundation and powder on. Check.

Brushy, brushy, brush. Mascara. Check.

And a one and a two. Lip gloss. Check.

"You don't need all that," I hear.

I'm lookin' straight in front of me, like I'm driving.

I have not turned my head, but I am glarin' at him through the left corners of my eyes.

"You right. I like it though, so shut yo mouf," I respond and smile with my glossified lips.

Suddenly, he becomes the makeup inspector. "You didn't even rub it in good. I can see the line," he says.

"Boi, if you don't stop we gonna have a case of busted lippy lips up in this truck," I respond.

I fix it and then he continues jackin' his jaws.

"You really don't need all that and I don't like it when all that mess gets on my shirt, especially when women hug me and I have on a nice shirt at church," he says.

For a second, I thought about tuning him out and I was playing the telephone hold music in my mind. It's a tune called yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, ya to the beat of the rap song youda, youda best, youda, youda best, best I eva had.

But then the angel on my right shoulder says hear him out, at least hear him out, D.

I respond, "Well, it's not like I think I need it. I just like the way it gives me a finished, ready-for-the-world look."

"You mean that dry look," he says.

What! What! What! What! What!

Dry look, dry look, I'm thinking.

"Boi, no you didn't say dry look," I snap back, but I can't even be mad at him so I actually laugh.

The way men and women think are soooooo danggone different that it tickles me.

Clearly, I do not think my makeup makes me look dry. Ummmm dry is not good.

"You really just need that eyescara and lip gloss," he says.

Just at the moment, I could not contain my laughter.

Eye-scara, nah, not eye-scara.

I hollered with laughter, "Eye-scara."

Tears were rollin' down my face, "Did you really just say eye-scara?" I ask through my laughter.

But then I think that may have been a Freudian slip. He may think I'm a makeup monster. Eye + Mascara + Monster = Eyescara

He might really think that my lil dab a dab and rub a dub and brushy, brush is toooooo much.

I'm not sure about not wearing anything on my face, but I may think about wearing a lil less, perhaps a bronzer instead of foundation. And oh yea, lip gloss and eye-scara. LOLOLOL

What are your thoughts about makeup? Do you like it or not? Do you hate when it gets on your clothing or does it not really bother you?

Ladies, take this quiz Do you wear too much makeup? My result was a well-balanced beauty.

And ummm, ladies don't throw your eye-scara bottles LOLOLOL at me but would you stop wearing makeup if your fella tells you he really doesn't like "all that" or "you don't need all that."

And would you tell one of your gfs that she wears too much makeup?

Share your thoughts here or e-mail me a choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.