Touching His Arm Causes Romantic Anxiety

I read a bunch of bullshiggidy about relationships and how men relate to women and how women relate to men.

I probably should have studied psychology and become a therapist. I can see it now Chardonnay Chats or Go Ahead and Whine With Wine session.

Any who.

I've always had books about relationships and sex. Some are "The Joy Of Sex," "The Five Love Languagues," "First Year Of Marriage," "Relationship Rescue" and "How To Be A Great Lover."

I stumbled upon a little bitty book or maybe I should say pamphlet called "The Pink Bible: How To Bring Your Man To His Knee!"

First off, I have no idea where the little book came from but I used to belong to a book club so maybe it is one of the books that was sent to me automatically.

When I found the book, the title took me by surprise. What the heck?

But then I started reading the 18-page book.

One section is called "Baiting The Trap."

"When hunting men, you are the trap. Presentation is crucial. Portray yourself as more conservative than you are. Perfect the naughty librarian persona. Make him imagine what you'd look like with your hair down, your glasses off, your jacket discarded. Set him up with wide-eyed innocence and then ambush him with glimpses of a more mischievous attitude. Your mystere will capture his curiosity."

Hmmmm!

It continues, "Always leave a trail of scent behind you. Of the five senses, smell is the strongest, and penetrates deepest into the subconscious. Use plenty of lotion. If you don't smell like fruit, he'll find someone who does."

Hmmmmm!

"Keep your lips looking shiny -- men love shiny things."

Then it goes more into an active way of capturing the guy of your dreams. It refers to the brush-brush grab and the Grip. This is when it got really good to me.

"To use the brush-brush-grab, walk alongside the intended victim so that your elbows nearly touch. Swing your arms so it brushes his twice, then seize his hand. The rush from this surpise contact will have him melting between your fingers."

Oh, really. Really, ummmm really.

And then the author gives the description of the Grip, which guarantees he will ask you out.

"Touch his pronator teres, a short muscle found just below the elbow. Massage it with your index and middle finger, your thumb nestle above."

Then the book says these two activites "cause severe romantic anxiety and sometimes lead to a premature proposal."

Really. Just touching a guy's arm can get him to put a ring on it.

I've heard a few old wives tales, such as a woman putting their uggh (I can't even write it) in spaghetti to make a man wild.

I've heard that good diggity can make some men wild. Money of course can make some women and men fall crazy in love.

Is there anything that makes you crazy? Ladies, would you try the brush-brush or the Grip?

Share your thoughts here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.