I Need A Relationship Genie

I recently found myself in a situation where I really wished I could get a visit from the relationship Genie.

I had just one wish.

I made a few promises to myself after my divorce. One was not to ignore things that bother me. I also vowed to myself that I would recognize and label my feelings. Yea, sounds like I'm in therapy. I'm not but I have seen a therapist before.

Any who.

I made these promises to myself because I think acting one way and feeling another disrupts inner peace and causes unnecessary stress.

In the past, I have partly masked my feelings because I was more afraid of hurting my-ex so therefore I would suffer in silence.

If I would share something that wasn't favorable about my feelings or the relationship, it would wreak havoc on our happiness. It would be seen as criticism. It would be seen as hurtful.

Eventually, I kinda just shut down because I would feel whatever I said was going to be taken to be harmful when in fact I was just struggling to make sure my needs in the relationship were being met.

I always wondered why my ex-husband didn't say to himself, "This is my wife. She wouldn't say anything to hurt me and if it hurts me she would not intentionally set out to do that."

He never did.

I firmly believe that a person should be able to say anything to a person that they love as long as it is coming from a place of love. After all, Love equals honesty. And building a good relationship should be built on honesty and trust.

But I have discovered that the guy I have been dating for the past few months reminds me of my ex. They seem to process information similarly. It seems like both of these men feel like I say things to intentionally harm.

During a recent conversation about me wanting to go out more, I wanted to take back my words. I didn't want to deal with the confrontation or the discussion about my feelings. But I did.

I wished that the Relationshp Genie could nod her head and make him know I'm not being hurtful. I'm being honest. And yea, sometimes the truth may hurt.

But instanteously, the way I feel seems to evoke hurt feelings from him. What he is doing isn't good enough? There must be something else going on? Why haven't I said anything about my feelings before now?

Cause, I'm saying it now. And quite frankly, I've finally mustered enough courage to own my feelings, truly own them.

And this is all part of a promise I made to myself to not ignore the way I feel and I have to honor that.

I have to make sure that I don't feel one way and act another. Doing that is devestating. At least it was devestating to my peace and I can't and will not have my inner peace destroyed again.

But I can't help but think -- Is it me?

When I express the way I feel, do I make people feel attacked? Do I hurt people when I'm honest about how I feel?

Thinking this made me sad. It made my heart full. It made me think that being honest and open about your feelings in a relationship is just a sham.

People must not really tell people anything that can be misconstrued as negative at all in a successful relationship?

Women must suffer in silence. They must not get their overall relationship needs met because if they say something the fella in her life is going to think that she is a complainer. That she isn't happy in the relationship.

Share your comments here or e-mail me at choosingmrwrong@gmail.com.