Getting An In Love Tattoo

I recently heard that Khloe Kardashian and her new hubby Lamar Odom have gotten matching tattoos.

They got each other’s initials. He got K on his hand and she got LO on hers.

She made the announcement on her blog, writing:

"I'm definitely a believer in tattoos as long as they are thoughtful and have significant meaning, which all of mine do. On my wrist I have 'I love you' in my father’s handwriting and on my lower back I have a cross and angel wings with 'Daddy' written above it in honor of my father and now I have my husband's initials 'LO.'

"Tattoos are something you’ll have for the rest of your life so it’s important to get one that truly means something to you."

I’m not a big tattoo person, but I do have a small pink tea rose on my back and there’s nothing wrong with a guy who gets some ink on his arm. I don’t like it, however, when people get carried away.

I hate to see a woman with tattoos all over -- arms, thighs, calf, ankle, foot, boob, back.

And a man with a bunch of tats isn't sexy after about three or four.

Oh, and the neck tattoos, whatda, whatda, whatda? Ummmm how do you expect to get a professional job with a tattoo on yo neck?

Any who.

I would like to get another tattoo, but it absolutely has to be somewhere that I can cover it up if I don’t want it shown off. I'm thinking that within the next year I'll either have a peace sign or those little bitty hearts inked on my lower back or arm.

But after hearing about Odom and Kardashian, I started thinking that a previous idea I had for a tattoo was a bad idea.

My ex-husband has "Everything You Love" tatted on him in Edwardian Script letters.

This is his signature toast when throwing 'em back.

I wanted for a while to get EYL on me.

I’m afraid of needles, yes, afraid and have a very low tolerance for pain so it never happened. But oh my gooodness, what if I had gotten tatted on me something that represents what he says all the time. Yikes!

When someone would ask me what does that mean, I can just see myself scrambling for an answer. Ummm my ex-husband used to always toast and say, "Everything You Love so I got a shortened version of it tatted on me."

Or if I would neglect the truth I would say, "It means Love You Everyday backwards."

I haven’t been one to jump on Odom and Kardashian for jumping the broom sooooo sooon. Heck, I have my own problems so if it works for them -- wonderful.

But the tattoos on their hands to me is a bit ridiculous. At least they could have gotten them on their butts. And really a tattoo on your hand?

Yea, I get the whole joined in union thing and it would be slickadocious if in fact the divorce rate wasn’t soooooo high.

Would you get a tattoo representing someone else on your body? Tell me.

Kissing With A Cold

With swine flu and the flu going around I got to thinking about how much I hate for my coworkers to come in to work sick.

And for some reason in grand style my mind jumped to how the swine flu fears may be affecting love lives.

I have the sniffles and my nose has been running for the last couple of days.

I'm standing in one corner of the boxing ring and a cold is standing in the other. I'm jabbin' and uppa cuttin' and bouncin' around on the balls of my feet. Oh, I'm dodging the blows.

I'm using hand sanitizer. I'm washing my hands more than usual. I'm using medication just in case.

I even told someone I met at work that I would rather not shake her hand because I may be coming down with something.

But then I gave my babe a smooch later in the evening. Heck, I didn't think about it until he pulled back and said you feeling better?

Yea, I was feeling better but I forgot I might be coming down with something.

How do you handle when your significant other is getting sick or sick?

Do you say, "Nope, I don't want a smooch babe because I don't want your cold" or do you just go in for the kill without a care or worry?

Tell me.

Money, Marriage And Making More Than A Man

I spent my weekend in New York Cith with gfs and shared many laughs and libations. We also did some shopping and sightseeing.

But when four women get together, it is not complete without talking about relationships, soooo of course we talked about how to have a happy relationship or a happy marriage. And then we talked about being in a relationship when a man makes more money than the woman.

Oh, it was a goooood conversation with various perspectives.

And I love to have conversations with people who have strong opinions because I have strong opinions, particularly on how to have a happy relationship.

Yea, I'm divorced but my peeps have been married for 50 years so I have in me what it takes. Heck, at least I think so.

During our passionate conversations, we seemed to return to finances each and every time.

One scenario included should one person get more when shopping when they don't make the bulk of the household income?

My answer was if a married person is going shopping, that couple should decide on how much should be spent and that no one deserves to get more because one makes more money.

This sent shockwaves through the crossover vehicle that we rented so that we could be all over New York City for the weekend.

I'm sure people who saw our vehicle thought it was a neon sign with four foxy ladies lighting up like blinking lights on a Christmas tree as we explained our points of view.

One gf thought the person who makes the most money should get the most so for a while only two blinking lights were going off until that conversation was complete.

I was accused of feeling the way I do because I have never been in a relationship with a man who made less than me.

Well, shoot dat ain't my fault. :)

Any who.

However, my perspective is not arrived at because I have always made less. My opinion is centered around everything being fair and balanced with two people. One person has to make more. Yea, it would be great if singles could meet someone who made the exact amount, had the exact amount of debt, had the exact amount of savings, etc. But it's not going to happen.

Because I have accepted that, I believe that people bring things to a relationship that are far more valuable than cash to a relationship. Don't get me wrong. Cash is a must, must, must.

But what about if someone has cash and treats you like a dog? Would you be in that type of relationship? Absolutely not, so it's clear that a good relationship includes many components. A person may be kind, patient, understanding and thoughtful.

The conversation ended with each of us standing firmly by our positions.

I say if one person has $3 and another has $5, then that couple has $8. If a person continues to think about how much he or she has contributed, there will be deep-seated resentment and bitterness that will plague the relationship.

In my eyes, a person who is constantly thinking about how much he or she contributes is selfish and should really stay single. And ummm love is not selfish.

What are your thoughts? Tell me.

Yelling Out Wrong Name During Sex

I’ve heard stories of people yelling out the wrong names during diggity. It has never happened to me but I think I would be mortified. I also think that there would be a major problem, particularly if I thought I was in a one-on-one relationship.

But there are many things that are said during sex, and sometimes they can be funny.

I gotta cramp. Not only is this funny, but it can send things into a spiraling outta control laughter session.

I once had a person tell me that he loved me, and that really messed things up. Those were the longest few minutes of my life.

I kept thinking to myself this guy is crazy. I wanted him gone, vamuse, beat it, kick rocks. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, go to jail.

But I think this guy was trying to play mind games. And I also think he thought I was vulnerable and was about to get some stuff over on me.

Aaaant wrong answer.

The next day, I had to ask him if he made a mistake. And he would not back down, he said he loved me fo real fo real fo real. I had only been dating him a few months and of course I didn’t believe him at all.

But this leads me to another point. I think people talk shiggidy during diggity.

I love you. I love this DI. I love this Va-ja-jay. You are the best. You feel sooooo good. You drive me crazy and so on and so on and so on.

But talking during sex is like seasoning on food. If there’s too much seasoning the dish is ruined, soooo if there’s tooo much talking the diggity gets a D-.

And then asking questions during diggity? I’m wondering do people think that they are actually going to get an honest answer.

Research at the Diggity Institute, yep, the Diggity Institute, finds that answering questions during diggity is sure to lead to a lie.

I like a little talking, yep, I do, but I don’t want to have to think soooooo no questions please that will cause me to ponder. LOLOLOL

“Whose P*$$# is this?” is likely to make me fall out laughing, too. And the man who taught guys to say this should have his A$$ whoooped.

It's your's baby, It's your's big daddy and heck most of the time the man isn't out of the girl's bed two days before somebody else is in it. I'm just sayin....

Do you like a bunch of talking during sex? Do you like to be asked questions? What’s the craziest thing you have ever said or heard?

Your Halloween Costume Says Something

I absolutely love dressing up.

Shoot, if you don’t watch me I will put on a Mardi Gras mask and some beads and pretend I’m in New Orleans.

Any who.

This time of year people are trying to figure out what or how they will dress up. Will it be scary or sexy.

More times than not, I go for sexy. I usually do stuff like a cat, Playboy bunny, French Maid, but I have also dressed up as a little girl and even as a ghost and even Elvis for work-related projects.

But psychologists say that when you choose a costume you live a fantasy and you show others a part of your inner self.

Interestingly, psychologists found that people who dress up as French maids, hot nurses or prostitutes may be repressing their sexuality.

Whatda? Whatda? Whatda? Could I be repressing my sexuality?

And then the Pimp and Ho costumes represent inner struggles.

Costumes that are linked to a current event means that the person is just showing off their knowledge of current events.

Princesses represent a loss of innocence or beauty.

Animals represent strength.

Clowns represent whimsy, playfulness and youth.

Evil costumes allow people to express their dark side without any guilt.

So when you head to the store to pick up your costume, pay close attention to your choice because it says something about you.

And then be even more observant when you head to the partaaaay.

Take a quiz to find out what your Halloween costume says about you.

And then tell me what you plan to be this year.

Serious Dating Halts At Halloween?

One of my gfs told me that there is a moratorium placed on dating between Halloween and Valentine's Day.

Well, maybe not on dating but getting toooooo serious comes to a screeeeching halt.

This is because if you meet someone during that span it will be awkward trying to figure out if you should buy a gift for Christmas, where to spend New Year’s Eve and if you really should go all out for Valentine's Day.

Initially, when she first said it I laughed and laughed and laughed. I had never even considered such a thing. I’ve spent the past few years during this time married so maybe that’s why.

Well, last year I didn’t spend the holidays with anyone special but my holidays were fantastic with my friends and family. I love Christmas Eve because it is my parents anniversary and this past year my parents celebrated 50 years of marriage. Additionally, I had the cutest little pink Christmas tree.

Any who.

Could it be true that if you don’t meet someone before Halloween that you should just hold off until 2010?

Think about it for a minute.

If you are dating and meet someone in early November, wouldn't it be too soon to take the chickypoo or fella around your family for Thanksgiving Day and heck even Christmas?

And if children are involved, I definitely think that there should be a few months involved before being introduced, but that is another blog. :)

But if you meet someone after Halloween, should you even want to spend the holidays with them?

I believe there is a natural instinct to want someone to share the holidays with and not just being booooed up on Christmas morning and New Year's Day morning.

It becomes apparent when you go to holiday parties or events that you are single when you are single. It is during this time that I think most people realize if they are lonely or alone during the holidays.

Yes, there is a difference. Lonely is when you truly want someone in your life – almost desperate. Alone is when you are specfabulous with no one at your side. :)

And then some people think that the holiday season is primetime for breaking up. This is because it eliminates the need to purchase a Christmas gift or be bothered at all during the holidays. Could this really be true?

And should people really hold off until the 2010 if they don’t meet someone soon?

Tell me.

Too Hard To Please = Alone

I had a conversation with a guy lately that made me realize that no matter how you twist or turn it some folks just cannot be pleased.

I felt it before talking to him but after talking with him, I was sho fo sho fo sho.

He was sexy and arrogant. I'll be the first to say, I do not automatically feel like ugg when sexiness and arrogance walks into a room.

There is something about a confident man, so my confidence meter may sometimes get it all mixed up -- cocky, arrogant, confident -- they become a blur.

I remember hearing a girl in the hair salon say this about another guy. I thought she was being a bit presumptuous but she is right.

I think you can almost look at a person and tell right off the batty bat ummm this is a hard guy or chickypoo to deal with.

And I also think that the harder someone tries to please a person like this, the harder they become to please. I hope that makes sense.

Heck, these people stood in the I like being alone line twice or sumptin cause that is what is going to happen to them.

But because this guy was a friend of a family member and I am outspoken I told him he was hard to get along with.

But he agreed!

We went on playing out relationship scenarios so that he would know why I said what I said.

I asked how he would respond if a woman prepared a meal for him and it's not what he wanted.

"I wouldn't eat it because she should have asked me what I like," he barks.

Wowsa Yowsa, this cat, I mean dog, is going to be alone or make some woman's life miserable, I think to myself.

Then he tells me the size woman he prefers. I'm 135 and 5 foot 1, but he tells me that if he was dating a woman my height she should be about 145. OK. Some folks just like what they like.

The size thing I can't argue with because I do not like guys with big bello bellies. LOLOLOL

"And then no weave," he interjects. "At least not one of those crazy weaves. I hate that stuff."

I'm with him on the weavy weave. I think women need to put a freeze on some of these crazy looking weaves.

But then I ask, "Do women actually try to please you?"

He said, "Yes."

But then I keep going and tell him, you might want to think about the character qualities that a person possesses and not be soooo demanding because you may end up alone with your list of criteria and your demanding attitude.

"I don't care if I end up alone," he snaps. "I'm not settling."

Well, ahright, ahright. I'm going to close my mouf and shake my head and worry about my own business.

Some people just cannot be pleased.

Do you know somebody like that? Tell me.

Men Not Made To Be Monogamous

I’ve recently had some interesting conversations with someone who got caught cheating on his wife.

She gave him the heave-ho out the house. He cried and cried and cried.

But his situation made me revisit in my mind why the heck do people cheat.

In most cases, I think women in these situations go through a range of emotions that causes them to feel like they failed somewhere but I don’t think so.

I think that men who cheat are lacking something within. There is a deficiency that no one can really feel.

I see it like a rock hitting a windshield and causing a small hole. Eventually if that ding isn’t repaired, it’s going to spread across the windshield.

Yea, it starts out really small but whew it can cause hella damage to a windshield.

And I don’t think this applies to just men, it applies to women too.

I think inner turmoil is present if people tend to cheat in their relationships.

Although I see this as the No. 1 reason I do believe there are other things that cause people to cheat.

Sexual dissatisfaction can sometimes cause a person to tiptoe. Because who wants to be involved with someone and the diggity is terrible.

I’ve talked to people who have said I like him or her but the sex is just OK. Well, OK, is going to come back to haunt you. It needs to be hanging from the chandeliers specfabulous if you are driven sexually. :) Soooo you really need to know what drives you.

I also think that an emotional disconnect can cause a person to cheat. If two people aren’t talking about how they feel, what they want, what makes them angry or sad or happy, the siren is going off and they just have not heard it yet.

Surprisingly, an askmen.com article pointed to the same two reasons.

The article says that people should ask themselves what is stronger in his or her life -- the need to be emotionally connected to a person or sexually connected to a person?

But then the article goes on to say that it is not a man’s biological nature to be monogamous. Heck, it says humans are not monogamous by nature. I’ve heard this and heard this and heard this, but I can’t buy it.

But because this is something to keep in mind, I’m gonna buy a few wigs and introduce a few characters to my relationship. LOLOLOL

But seriously, can it be that natural human behavior is not to be monogamous? Wow!

Not Soooo Wet Anymore

The first time diggity is usually wowsa yowsa. Well, sometimes it's wowsa yowsa.

Sometimes it is get yo butt outta here. LOLOLOLOL

But it’s not all on the size of the DI. It’s the moisture.

I had the most interesting conversation with a guy recently who said, "Don’t nobody want a dry PU$$*."

But this got me to thinking on who's responsibility is it to get it like it is supposed to be. Is it on the girl or the guy?

Should the girl just automatically be wet and ready at all times or should the guy have to get the engine running?

My answer is a mixture.

And for the record, I think it is terrible, awful, appalling, dead wrong for a guy to just roll over in the morning and stick it in and get to humpty humpin'. No foreplay, notta, nuttin. In this case, if you get dry, you deserve it.

Any who.

Other scenarios began to enter my mind. What about if things aren't as waterfall as they used to be, you know, in the beginning?

One of my friends asked me if my girl doesn’t get as wet as she used to is there a problem in the relationship? Well, my answer is twofold. There may be something stressing her out and she's distracted or you just may not be on your J-O-B. ;)

I think it is in the best interest of couple's to learn, study and master their mate's body. A girl should know what gets her fella going and a guy should know what gets his girl going. If you are doing what turns you on, annnt – wrong answer. You should be doing what turns her on. And vice versa.

To me, this is why sexual chemistry is key. Being wildly attracted to someone helps. If a couple is vibing sexually, they know each other. They know each other. LOLOLOLO They know each other.

But I do think there are things that can be done to get the engine going in advance, advance, advance so that the waterfall will be beautiful. Fellas, foreplay begins waaaay before you lay eyes and or even hands on her.

Sex starts in the brain, so if you want it wet and wild, do what it takes.

Send a sextext.

Send a photo of your DI and put a Post-It note next to it that says “All Yours.”

Put a note in her lunch bag.

Hang a sign in the garage that says: “There’s A Meeting In The Bedroom.” She’ll see it when she pulls into the garage and things will be on and poppin’ with no stoppin' :)

Run her bath water.

Wash her hair.

Send her flowers, and if you are low on cash give her one rose.

Cook her dinner wearing only an apron and make her watch.

Happy Relationships!

Sweetest Day Is Coming

Love is in the air, and it’s that palpable love that's in the air at Valentine’s Day.

This is likely because Sweetest Day is coming and it's also boo hunting season. :)

Cards are in the aisles, balloons are floating in the air and then concerts are being touted as the perfect Sweetest Day date.

Many people involved in relationships are going to do something: fix dinner, catch a movie, go out to dinner, something.

But this day for couples is only celebrated in parts of the Midwest, so a lot of times people want to play it down.

Sweetest Day initially started in Cleveland, yessssir, Cleveland, as a day to show love to people who were less fortunate and sorta crossed over to a day to show love for the person you love.

But whenever Sweetest Day comes around and even Valentine’s Day, I get a bit perplexed when people aren't interested in celebrating. As a matter of fact, it almost seems to be popular to say I don't celebrate thoooose days.

They usually say:

"We show each other our love every day."

"Every day is Valentine's Day."

"We don’t do those man-made holiday's for couple's."

Shut da fudge up!

Yea, if you have someone special in your life you should show your love everyday. Yea, you should, but do you is the question.

Folks get up on the wrong side of the bed from time to time and love is no where to be found. Folks say things that they don’t mean all the time and ummm love is MIA.

Peeps get on my last nerve talking that nonsense about not wanting to celebrate days that are set aside to make sho, fo sho, that you show the person you like or love that you like or love him or her.

Nah, I don’t think people have to go to the top of the town and grab a star from the sky, but a danggone card or kind gesture has never killed anyone.

I’m befuddled every time I hear the craziness. Befuddled, confused, perplexed, puzzled, astonished, surprised, alarmed, baffled.

If you don’t have any cashola to buy a card, heck leave a nice danggone note. And fellas, for a change meet her at the door naked or scantily clad.

Soooo over the next few days when I hear peeps talk about how they DO NOT celebrate Sweetest Day, I’m gonna applaud them for being stupid. Sweetest Day is Saturday.

Do you celebrate Sweetest Day and Valentine’s Day? Why or why not.

I’m A Flirt

U a flirt, I know, U a flirt, I know. LOLOLOLOL

I'm singing, "You A Jerk" and interchanging the word jerk for flirt. :)

I recently found myself in a world of trouble because I was accused of being a flirt.

And OK, OK, OK, my name is Darlene and I can be a bit flirtatious. LOLOLOLOL

But flirting is flirting is flirting is flirting. It’s nothing to me, notta. Well, it is fun.

The guy I’m dating does not, hear me, does not see flirting as fun. He thinks it is a bit disrespectful.

Wowsa Yowsa, cause meeez not being disrespectful at all.

But when does flirting actually cross the line? Is it when it is in front of your boo? Is it when you touch? Is it when you act on it?

Shoot, I thought flirting was healthy.

I mean my mom always told me you don’t want to be with somebody that nobody wants. Meaning, you want your boo to be attractive to others even though he or she is your boo. You want others to crave your boo, like you do.

But when it’s all said and done, your boo is your boo. Right!?

Well, I’m not sure my boo saw or sees it this way because in addition to jackin’ my jaws and cheesy cheese cheesin’ I have a tendency to touch.

OK, OK, OK, my name is Darlene and I touch folks when I talk.

But I don’t just touch men. I touch women, too. So if I’m touching a woman while talking am I coming on to her.

Ummmm nope, homie don’t play dat.

But I had to read up on flirting and what I have found is that men misconstrue many signs of flirting. A woman may touch which means I’m comfortable with you and I’m listening, but to a man a touch is a signal to the Soldier to get ready for a sexscapade.

But flirting is natural. Flirting is part of human interaction. It’s a basic instinct.

In fact, there are two types of flirting -- flirting with intent and flirting for fun. Flirting with intent is when a person is attempting to select a mate.

And yea, there’s a thin line between the two but the intention to me is what is most important.

My intention was fun, fun, fun. But I don't want to make him feel disrespected.

What are your thoughts about flirting? And do you think flirting can be misconstrued?

Tell me.

Do My Undies Make Me A Whore?

I had the most enjoyable time recently reading an article about what a woman's underwear says about her.

It probably means absolutely nothing but I found it entertaining and actually laughed out loud fa real, fa real.

The underwear assessment said that women who wear boy shirts are every man's dream.

"They're basically your dream girl, because they're cute and playful. They can keep up with the dudes in a flag football game, and they can chug a beer faster than you can," the article says.

OOOOOOK.

Then there's the thong. Women who wear thongs want men to look at their assets, period, the article says.

Too funny to me but I'm gonna have to agree.

And then there's the granny panty. And for the record I hate, despise, detest oh did I say hate granny panties.

This comment is being brought to you by the the Diggity Institute's No Granny Panty Division. LOLOLOLO

But the granny panties' girl got the best review.

It said that she is comfortable with her body and her sexuality, although it made her bedroom seem a little dull.

And then there's commando. You might think this girlie is hot and sexy and ready for some action.

Well, she took two shots to the gut. The article says she's either super slutty or super lazy.

Dayuuuum!

I may never go commando again if that's the case.

And I guess women who wear men's underwear are lesbian.

Whatda? Whatda? Whatda?

This is soooo not true. I actually have bought a pack for those bad days and they are quite comfy.

And then there's the expensive G-string. Hehehehe. Love 'em :)

It says that a woman who wears an expensive G-string has plans to show off the panties and the thang, thang way before she leaves home. But the assessment goes on to call her a whore.

Dang, it just can't be foresight or good planning. :) Why she gotta be a whore?

I have a mix of every kind except granny in my secret drawer. For some women, their undies make them feel a certain way, well forget some women. I'll speak for meeez self. For me, my undies make me feel foxy.

Some of my gfs say that they don't like lace panties because they are itchy. Others don't like thongs because they are uncomfy. Boy boxers are tooo low on the hips. I've heard all kind of reasons.

But I have a love affair with nice underwear even if no one sees 'em.

Heck, I see 'em, and when I am standing in the mirror in just my undies the last thing I wanna see is a pair of granny panties. Uggg.

What kind of undies do you prefer? And yea read the article and take an underwear quiz.

Boo Hunting Season Has Started

When you can feel the coolness in the air, it is boo hunting season.

One of my former classmates and Facebook friends said that in a thread on FB once and I almost fell outta my seat, but I think she is on to something.

When the temperature begins to drop, it is much better to have a little body heat in the bed with you. And I'm not talking about diggity. I'm talking about staying warm.

Any who.

I have decided that the heat cannot, cannot, cannot go on until after Halloween. Yes, I'm trying so hard to wait to flip on the switch because then I only have to pay 5 months of a heating bill -- November, December, January, February and March.

And I'm hoping that things will be getting warm in March and there will not be a need for heat the entire month but there have been snowfall in northeast Ohio in April and even May. Uggggh!

Shoot, maybe I need to relocate.

But my gf may be on to something with the whole boo hunting season thing.

And heck, I thought it was summertime when folks' hormones got to raging.

But schucks, a boo in the winter is needed to keep the heating bill down. LOLOLOLOL

A boo may be needed in the summer but being all hugged up when it's 80 degrees out is not the move. Not at all.

Get on your side of the bed.
It's hot in here.
Turn the fan on.

You've likely said one of the above during the summer, but what will you be saying as the temperature drops.

I'll fix dinner.
You want some company?
What are your plans this evening?

LOLOLOLOL

Yea, if you don't have a boo. Ummmmm, it's boo hunting season. And I would guess that guys or gals with fireplaces are in high demand in the winter. :)

Do you think folks go hunting more in the winter or summer. Tell me.

Men Like Morning Sex

Poke, poke, poke.

Most women, single or married, have experienced being poked early in the morning.

And it really should not come as a surprise anymore that the soldier has stood and is ready to command.

Still, some women have a problem with morning sex because eyes may be puffy, breath may be funky and heck a day of ripping and running may make her simply want to flip back over and go back to sleep.

But ladies, don’t you do it.

It appears that morning sex is the most enjoyed, most popular, most sought after, most sought out type of sex for the male horndog.

And yea, ladies you might not be your foxiest in the morning but he wants it anyway.

It may have something to do with the morning hard-on, but for others it has a lot to do with getting the day started on a good note.

And then ladies good diggity will put a bounce in your step. You know Ms. Cheery Cheer Cheer – the woman at work who is always smiling and seems soooo danggone happy in the morning.

She started her day with diggity.

The Diggity Research Center has found that starting and ending the day with sex makes for happier, healthier humans. Well, there’s really no Diggity Research Center but I’m just sayin LOLOL

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with morning sex, but typically this type of sex has to be a little more rushed because of work and kids and just getting the day started.

So morning sex is essentially a quickie although a quickie doesn’t have to always occur in the morning.

And while I can’t speak for all women, I know that I don’t feel the foxiest in the morning. As a matter of fact, I feel my foxiest after I’ve put on some sexy undies or a cute outfit.

Also, morning sex may keep folks from kissy kissing and this may cause folks not to be as interested, particularly if someone has some funkadunk breath. But to that I say put some mints under the pillow. And if it’s unbearable go to da danggone dentist LOLOLOL

There will not be much foreplay which may be another reason that women aren’t cheerleading at the bedside for morning sex. Yea, diggity is good but women like foreplay, foreplay, foreplay.

But a quickie is a quickie is a quickie is a quickie.

So the next time, you are tapped on your shoulder, well not tapped on the shoulder but rubbed on the butt, boobies, poked just give it up.

At the worst, you will be late and thrown off all day, but at least you will be like Ms. Cheery Cheer Cheer at work and have a spring, no a bounce, in your step.

Happy Relationships!

Birth Control Hinders Sniffing Out Mate

There's been research to show that men find women who are ovulating more attractive.

This isn't surprising because we are animals and one of our missions is to procreate so during this time a woman can procreate and thus gives off a scent that makes guys hear in their heads, "Come here to this kitty, kitty, kitty." LOLOLOL

This is really true because research shows that strippers who are ovulating get more tips. For real!

Any who.

Additional research shows that the way people smell can determine genetic compatibility.

The research says the more pleasant a woman found a man's odor, the more desirable he was to her. Birth control reverses a woman’s usual smell preferences.

The birth control pill distorts a woman's perception of man's scent because her body is sorta in a state of pregnancy.

Sooooo picking a mate gets all messed up when you are on the pill. And to think all all this time I thought it was alcohol.

A researcher says that when a women is on the pill she tends to choose men who smell similar to her father and brother.

Whatda? Whatda? Whatda?

And the research says it would actually be better if she chose a person with a different genetic profile for better offspring.

This is real research that will soon be published in Live Science magazine.

And on a sidenote, women have a better sense of smell than men and sexual arousal amplifies a woman's sense of smell. Sooooo ladies, he doesn't really know that his DI's twins are musky. LOLOLOL

What are your thoughts about this research on sniffing out a mate? Tell me.

Sex Can Get Your Windows Busted Out

I talk to my mom everyday. Sometimes we talk for a few minutes and other days we have long drawn-out conversations.

Yesterday, we talked about me going back to work after a staycation for my birthday. She reminded me about the importance of a positive attitude because of a work situation. "Yea, ma, uh huh, uh huh," I say.

Then she told me about a potential tenant she has. We talked about an upcoming wedding in the family and what I was cooking for dinner and what she and my dad ate. We were all over the place just jackin' our jaws.

We were about to get off the phone and end our daily session when she told me my 74-year-old cousin had gotten his back window busted outta his car.

Whatda? Whatda? Whatda?

And then she says whoever did it also used a nailed and scratched off the paint and really messed the car up.

My lip fell on da floor and my eyes popped outta my head.

"Ma, a woman did that," I say.

"Yea, I know chile," she responds. "Women can be treacherous. And it's probably one of those young women(s)."

My mom is old school and southern so often a word is pronounced in plural when it should NOT be, so yea she said womens and chile not child. :)

Before I know it, I am leaning up against the wall in hysterics because my mother is funny.

She said that my cousin ended up putting his car in the garage after his it was attacked.

Yessss, she said his car was attacked and when she said "attacked" I doubled over.

My mother continues on to say that she told him that a woman did it but he played it down like he didn't know who could be responsible.

Oh my, by this time, I wanted to hit the floor because my stomach was in sooooo much pain from laffin'.

I manage to say, "Ma, he knows a woman did it."

And she steps on my tongue before I finish because I'm laffin so hard and says, "I know! You ain't gotta tell me. And he know too."

But I'm a little shocked that a woman busted out the back window of my cousin's Cadillac. Yea, I know folks do that kind of shiggidy all the time, but I really thought that at a certain age that bustin' out windows and keyin' cars stopped!

What da fudge!

And then I'm thinkin' this could be a dealbreaker for an older man who likes a younger woman. Ain't nobody got no money for fixing that kind of stuff any way but especially when you are on Social Security!

I don't like to get in folks' business but I just wanna know, what da hizzel did a 74-year-old man do to make a woman soooooo angry that she turned around and around and around (like Superwoman) and became the Super Attack Cars Woman.

I'm just shaking my head.

My cousin used to say he didn't want more than 100 years in his bed and if that is still the case the culprit would be 26. Wowsa Yowsa!

But I'm thinking the woman has to be more like 40 or 50 because he said this a long time ago, and hopefully he got through that phase.

Soooooo what the heck can make a 40- or 50-year-old woman mad enough to break out the back window of a Cadillac?

Sex at 74? OK, maybe Viagra is more powerful than I think. Money on a fixed income? Heck, maybe she saw him with another woman.

I dunno.

But what I do know is messin' with a person's car at any age is cause for a cease and desist, dismissed and no longer exist order.

Have you ever heard of someone who wasn't in their teens or 20s busting out someone's car window? What the heck caused the person to attack the car? LOLOLOLOL

Tell me.

Should You Shut The Bathroom Door?

Because I live alone, well with my dog, I don't shut the bathroom door when I set out to do the No. 1 or No. 2.

As a matter of fact, I've gotten out of practice of shutting the door. I say this because I found myself in a situation recently.

There is an entrance to my bathroom from my bedroom, sooooo I just sashayed into the restroom and took a seat.

Before I knew it, I was preparing to do major business without a newspaper or magazine in hand and I had company. Oh my! I jump to my feet and shut the door.

But then as I take my seat on the throne, I wonder how many people actually tinkle and take a dump with the door open when there significant other is watching or could possibly catch a glimpse?

I'm not gonna lie, I kinda find it interesting to watch a man urinate.

Sooo later that day because I had given sitting on the toilet with the door open waaaay tooo much thought I peeked at him. He left the door ajar, ummmmm, so I looked. Yea, it makes me sound like I have a watching folks pee fetish but I don't.

Heck, watching a guy pee is like watching him dance with the love of his life. LOLOLOL Some guys lean, some take great detail in the aim, some stand straight up and sorta pull pull and here comes the waterfall.

And actually I can't say that I really have a problem with seeing him take a dump. There's more room out than there is in. :)

During a bomb attack, I have walked into the restroom to get something. I have even gotten a wif, sniffy, sniff of some terrible stuff.

And on another note, while he's sitting there is a perfecto opportunity to hold a quick conversation too.

But is seeing your booo perched on or over the toilet a turnoff or turn on? Or schucks is it just nature and you could care less one way or the other? When should a person feel OK leaving the door open or should they?

I have to say that if I have the monthly visitor, I don't want anyone watching me tinkle or drop a bomb. Privacy Please!

What about you? Do you leave the door open? Do you watch your significant other use the restroom?

Tell me.

Is Your Money Really My Money?

While growing up, I often heard, "God bless the child who has his own."

This applies to cars, homes, clothes, education, food and particularly money. It is important to be self-reliant.

In relationships, particularly marriages, I find it interesting how money can cause a world of trouble.

One person may be better than the other with money.

One person may make more than another.

But because money is said to be one of the top reasons for divorce, how can two people with seemingly different ideas of how to spend and save money end up on one accord?

Even more than that, how can two people really consider their paychecks each others and truly share unselfishly? I think that this comes in to play even more when one person makes more than the other.

In a perfect world, I would make $200,000 and my significant other would make $200,000 and we would split everything down the middle. I picked 200k because it is an even number and I think that type of cashola would allow me to do some thangs :)

Butt errr uhh even if two people make the same, one person may have more debt so one person is not getting an equal share of the pie.

Any who.

There are several different recipes for financial success and failure in a marriage or committed relationship.

While married, I remember proposing an idea of putting all the money in one account, paying the bills and then divying up what is left over after a certain percentage is set aside in a savings.

I thought it was the perfect recipe, but it was never used.

The recipe I'm more familiar with is you pay the mortgage and gas and your personal bills and I pay utilities and car insurance and my personal bills.

This doesn't sound too bad either and it allows a little wiggle room with expenses which can be good and bad.

But when marrying a person, does one want to take on the debt or the responsibility of helping the person they love pay their bills? Is it seen as a long-term plan in which we can take care of this now and have so much more later? Or is it more of a selfish thing that my money is my money and your money is your money?

Tell me.

Happy Relationships!

Remote Control Sex Toy, Wowsa, Yowsa

Everyone has different views on sex toys. Some people are like yippee while in the sex store while thinking let me get this and that and this and oh yea I gotta have this.

Others go to sex stores and have more of a mind set of I'll try this and still others don't even want to go because they are like uggh, yuck, I don't want to have anything to do with a sex toy.

I've gone to sex toy parties and to sex toy stores and feel absolutely no embarassment. As a matter of fact, I love to go. The collection of pornography with big, big women and old, old women and old, old men and the guys with the huge DIs just captivate me. Then there are whips and masks and outfits and gels and games and flavored this and that. Heck, just going is worth a laugh to me.

And when I go to parties, I make sure I clear out all the wax from my ears and clean my glasses so I can be fo sho to hear and see. :)

But someone told me, and it was a guy, that sex toys can make a woman not want the real thing. Hmmmm, really?

I kept listening and he kept talking. Toys will even dry a woman out. Hmmmmm, really?

I finally interject and say where did you get this shiggidy cause your thoughts about toys are simply not true. I've never heard of such.

He continues, well I don't want my girl using toys because then she won't want me.

Oh boi, oh boi, oh boi.

A green light stands over my head as I tell him a toy cannot replace the real thing. Yea, they have stuff nowadays that feel real fo real fo real fo real, but nothing can replace the real deal Holyfield. I believe nothing can replace the real thing.

It's sorta like the cotton commercial. The touch, the feel, the fabric of our lives.

Sing it and replace... Heck don't replace nothing it fits just as is. Sex is the fabric of our lives. That's how we got here. LOLOLOL

And then I continue like I have been appointed the Sex Toys spokesperson "maybe you should think about getting a toy and using it with your girl because then the toy will not be such a threat."

Plus, there are sooo many cockrings with vibrators and remote-control butterflies. OK, let me explain the remote-control butterfly just in case someone is thinking about googling it. It is a clitoral stimulator that also has a remote control device that the fella can use to get things on and poppin'.

I think the toy is very interesting and exciting, and I do NOT have one for inquiring minds. But the butterfly can be worn when out to dinner or events or whatever. As long as the guy and girl are within a certain distance, he can touch her without touching her.

How can a man be threatened by a toy that can make things fun and exciting, I dunno.

What do you think? Can toys replace the real thing? Are toys a threat to men?

Tell me.

Drama Queens, Nah Drama Kings

I don't care what anyone says some peeps just like drama. It's like they thrive off of negative shiggidy.

I can't do it -- not past, not present, not future. It's for the birds.

Whenever I see drama, I'm heading in the opposite direction. No thank you, sir.

When I think of drama, a guy I dated years ago comes to mind. He seemed pretty nice on the surface, said all the right stuff, did all the right things. He was nice.

But I remember once he told me "to toughen up," and I don't even remember about what.

But ummmm, no you didn't. Noooooo, you didn't just tell me to toughen up.

He knew that it was going to make me bizzonkers, but it's what he thrived on. It wasn't until later that I realized that he was just drama, drama, drama.

And men talk about women being drama queens? Nah, there are some drama kings out there.

It's like these men work up all this drama and shiggidy to just evoke emotions, to just get a reaction, to just be dayuuum doing sumptin.

It's fo the birds.

And I know guys, like women, have their issues. They want to find someone who will have their back, cook for them and yadda yadda yadda.

But when I stumble upon some information about the Deep Inner Game, I was intrigued.

Yea, the premise is a guy may be smooth, nice whateva but on the inside things are in turmoil -- the inner game is a mess.

A relationship coach offers tips to men on dating and finding love. He pinpoints 7 reasons or signs that a guy's inner game is off and oh boi, oh boi, oh boi, he's on the money.

1. Irrational and Uncontrollable Fear. Heck this is just jealousy actually.
But fear of rejection, fear of embarassment, fear of loss can all cause a woman to say uggg, and as the coach explains determine that the inner game is not up to par.

2. Constant Anxiety is another warning sign that the inner game is lacking. Fear that he will not be able to attract the woman he wants. Fear that the one who he likes will not like him. Well, the relationship coach didn't say it but sounds like low self-esteem to me.

3. Immaturity is ummm just that immaturity. The guy can't handle situations that bother him. They usually go into a rage when they can't have it their way. Yuck!

4. Unpredictable Emotional Turmoil is another sign. Wowsa Yowsa. I like a man who isn't rock hard, but come on. Let's not fight over the hanki to cry in.

5. Other People Running Your Life is yet another one. And this one is big particularly with men who cannot keep their mamas from telling them what the fudge to do. For sure, this type of guy's inner game is off.

6. Never Understanding Emotions kinda perplexed me for a second, but I think I understand. I've heard in the past that men only feel happiness and anger. Sooo if indeed they are NOT soooo simplistic if they feel another emotion that can't fall into the happy or mad category, there's a problem. And basically they would just need to see someone. Heck talk to a therapist if you are always mad or sad. They may have a pill for that. Which leads me to the coach's last reason.

7. Wanting To Get Help But Not Knowing Where To Go. I say go to a spiritual advisor, pastor, older uncle, good friend, therapist, go somewhere and get your inner game fixed.

I hear women talk about getting themselves together, but I think it's some guys out there who may need to get themselves together too and cut out the danggone drama.

I'm standing in the line that says NO DRAMA. Thank you.

Find out more about the Deep Inner Game.

And then tell me your thoughts.