You Get The Raw, Uncut Version Of Me

I have posted my first video to YouTube. Yaaaaay! Many people have been asking, Why don't you post to YouTube? Why don't you post video? Why aren't you on Periscope? Well, I have posted to YouTube and plan to do it a few times a week to offer relationship tips and information. I am on Periscope but really haven't used it. Maybe that's my next thing.

I kept putting off posting until I had put together my home office but then my boyfriend bought me a small tripod to use. I said what the heck and just sat down and did it. Plus, he has been pushing me to post video. We've had many conversations about how people watch video now. No one really reads. Heck, a lot of people don't even like to read. In fact, I was thinking about this when I published my first two books. They are small and easy to read. Any who.

The reason that I wanted to blog is to talk about why I sat in front of the camera to do my first video for YouTube after doing a two-a-day workout routine on a Saturday morning with my lil curly afro puff with fuzzy edges and no make-up. I did it because I am comfortable in my own skin.

Don't get me wrong. You will see video clips when I am wearing makeup and looking a lot more foxaaaaay, but you will also see them right after I get home from the gym. I like me. Nope, I love me. I love me in my most natural state. I love me and I am still cuuuuuute! LOLOLO

I realize that I can't call myself a self-love and relationship coach if I do not lead by example. I led by example today by not worrying about my hair or makeup. Ladies, you do not have to have on a full face of makeup to feel good about yourself.

Actually, it may be a good idea to remove the mask. It's healthy!

And hey you can expect the real me, the raw and uncut version of me.

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel Self-Love & Relationship Coach Dee Jay and follow me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram and oh yea, Periscope. You can find me @ choosingmrwrong on all platforms.

'I Knew He Wasn't For Me'

A lot of us have said it one time or another: "I knew he wasn't for me." And if you haven't said it, a family member or girlfriend has told you that he wasn't for you.

It's a common phenomenon of women refusing to see those red flags or acknowledge that uneasy feeling in our gut.

All the warning signs in the world cannot keep a woman from becoming involved with a man who is not good for her if she lacks self-love and self-awareness. If your plan is to just have a man, that's a terrible plan. You should understand and recognize what it is that you need to feel completely and totally loved. This will keep you from spending time with men who are incapable of giving you anything but good peen.

Any who, in an easy-to-read, detailed-filled, interesting book Shamay Speaks, author and transformational speaker, presents the relationship woes of several women.

I could personally identify with a few of the stories in the book.

They include stuff like he got me pregnant and her pregnant, too.

Or he was a perfect gentleman until we got married and then he revealed that he was a sociopath. No, really, one of the stories shared in the book reveals how a woman was perfectly courted by a man who treated her like a queen. After they got married, all that changed. When she didn't put him on her credit cards, things really got hairy. You gotta read it for yourself.

There's a story about a woman who didn't want to break up with her cheating boyfriend because she had grown attached to his family. And of course, there are stories of cheating boyfriends and forgiving girlfriends.

But then there's a story of a woman in an abusive relationship who continues to have children with her husband. She ends up with six before the relationship ends. But lo and behold, she ... you are gonna just have to get this book to find out what happens. The story will make you smile, particularly if you are a single mom with several kids and you feel like you need to stay in your relationship because of your children or because no other man will want you and your kids.

Shamay Speaks most definitely speaks in her book. She tells her very interesting relationship story. She is honest about her insecurities and the great sex that kept her going back when she knew she should not have. She is upfront about what she missed and how she contributed to the pain that she suffered. She even points out the red flags in her story. The contributors point out their red flags, as well.

Then she goes on to put the proverbial cherry on top with a story from a man. He talks about how he ends up in a relationship, kids and all and didn't even love the woman.

This story provides a great example of how it may look like love and not even be love. It is sad but true.

Shamay takes it one step further and labels guys to look out for. I got a big kick out this section.

1.) The Situation Man

2.) The Father Of The Year Who Never Gets To See His Kids Man

3.) I Don't Like Labels Man

4.) The In-Between Man

5.) The One-Legged Man

I am not gonna go into what each of these are. Get the book. Oh yea, she has several more types.

But I just gotta, gotta tell y'all about the "one-legged man" though. LOLOLOL

Shamay writes: "He is the man who has never had anything of his own without his mother or a woman. This type of man usually lives at home and probably has only moved out when it was with a woman. Nine times out of 10, the woman he moves out with is the breadwinner. So basically, he only stands on one leg alone but needs a woman to stand on his own two feet. This type of man usually likes a woman to be his rescuer or 'sugar mama.' "

OK, I can't resist. Here's one more -- The Lust Man! LOLOLO He's amazing in the bedroom. Shamay says, "This is the type of man that will cause you to play with your own mind." Well, dammmmnnnn! Your own mind -- wowser!!!

This is a great read. And I say that for two reasons. One, when you read the stories, ladies, it will let you know that you are not alone in missing red flags and dealing with craziness in relationships. Two, it will reveal to you that even though you thought you have been through something there is someone who has gone through more.

I find it necessary for women to share their relationship stories without judgment. Sometimes, we go through different experiences and think we are in an existence all alone. We become ashamed or embarrassed.

One of the first steps in self-awareness is admitting that you do not experience love, happiness or satisfaction in your relationship. You have to admit that you just ain't happy! From that point, it's all about healing and moving forward loving yourself like never before so that you do not allow craziness to infiltrate your life anymore.

Go to shamayspeaks.com to find out more and to order your copy. Be sure to e-mail me and tell me what you think.

Coach Dee is compiling a collection of books to suggest to coaching clients. If you are an author and would like for me to blog about your book and add it to the collection, please contact me. I am interested in books that deal with relationships, personal growth and inspiration. This type of reading is great for clients who are working to shift their energy and mindset.

Hair Can Be Popped, But Relationship Will Still Flop

There are 14 dating/relationship traps, but there is one in particular that too many women fall into.

I've fallen and I can't get up! Well, I fell, but I got back up.

When I think of this trap, I identify with a time in my life when I thought if I looked extra special I would get noticed. I would make him see how amazing I am. Nope! and NO!

Another reason this dating/relationship trap stands out in my mind, I think, is because it isn't anything that a man does. It's what we do to ourselves.

We aren't falling into a trap that a guy set for us and we got caught. We lower our self-worth and value by believing that we have to look extra special. And don't get me wrong, I believe in being foxaaaay. I believe in looking fabulous. I'm natural so I don't wear weave and fake nails and a ton of makeup, but I believe in looking good. And I don't judge anyone who likes, scratch that, loves weave, fake nails or makeup, so don't go there! If it makes you feel good, gooooood! I am gonna get a long weave one day, so that I can fling my hair. LOLOLOL

So don't email me or make crazy comments.

Back to my point. We believe that if we make ourselves more appealing, more attractive, he will have no other choice but to fall in love and stay in love with us because we are so well kempt -- nails done, hair did attractive! You know what I'm talking about.

But the reason that the marketing trap bothers me the most is because when women fall into this trap, they fear that nobody wants them the way that they are. They often fear that they cannot be their authentic selves. That being fabulous internally is not enough. This breaks my heart. No, this truly breaks my heart. It breaks my heart not only because I identify with this trap soooooo much but because I know that no matter how fabulous, fine or foxaaaay you look, it is not gonna do anything.

It isn't going to make him fall in love because men do not fall in love with women for the way that they look. They fall in love based on the way that they feel. Don't believe me -- Google it! Men love beautiful women so don't get me wrong, but they like looking at them and maybe even taking them for a test drive. LOLOL

One's maintenance -- hair, nails, makeup -- will make him notice you. But you will get noticed even more once you open up your mouth and you reveal your character, your dreams, your goals, your pain and your joy. You reveal your personality and that is what is most important in finding a suitable, compatible life partner. When it comes down to it, who cares if your nails are done if you can't even get along.

Also keep in mind, ladies, maintaining impeccable appearance often makes men look and wonder if they can afford the upkeep, the maintenance. Yep, that hair and nail thing make some men wonder if they can afford a woman like that. I've heard it time and time again.

Any who, I want to deal with why I identify with this relationship trap a little more. There was a time when I yearned for attention. Yes, Coach Dee yearned for attention! I wanted him to notice me so I would get his favorite color polish or the polish that he said he liked on me. Shiiiiit! I wish I had the time and even the money back that I spent on hair and nails, hoping that I would get noticed.

The truth is: I am fabulous with or without my hair and nails being done! I am fabulous because of my personality. I am caring and kind and understanding and loving and generous. I am firm and smart and persistent. I am hardworking and God-fearing. I am health-conscious and creative. I am a great writer. I am a great listener. I am family-oriented. I am fun. I am all that and more and it has nothing to do with my hair or my nails.

Ladies, you are soooooo much more than your hair, nails and makeup. Oh, and I do like makeup. A lil' powder, mascara and lip gloss give me that extra pep in my step. But ladies, don't fall into the marketing trap. Your appearance has nothing to do with how awesome you truly are!!!

You Take The Same You Into The New Year

Most people are happy to see a new year. They see it as a new beginning. They see it as leaving a not-so-good year behind. But don't be so quick to rush full-speed ahead without reflecting on all that the prior year offered -- the good and the bad.

Honestly, the good doesn't teach you as much as the bad. So, of course, reflect on those wonderful times. All the laughs and good days.

But it is when you begin to reflect on those difficult times when you figure out what you are made of.

Don't get me wrong. I understand the need to give the previous year a wave buh bye, a heave-ho, a slam-the-door-shut goodbye. I get it. But before you wipe the slate clean, or try, take some time to reflect on those difficult times.

What did you learn about yourself? What did it teach you about life? What is it that you know for sure now since going through that rough patch? What can you change? How could you be different? How can you be better?

You may be thinking -- Whatever, Coach Dee! I am done with 2015 and on to something better. I hear all the shouts of: "A New Year, A New Me!" Ummm, NO! You are not going to be a new you until you become self-aware. Yep, it is a new year, but you are taking the same ole you into the new year.

More importantly, you are doing yourself a disservice when you don't go on an introspective self-awareness journey. It is necessary to reflect on 2015, so that you understand you on a deeper level.

There are gonna be a few things that will bring about pain and who wants to deal with the painful truth about our actions, our decisions, our lives. It hurts too much, but it is necessary.

In fact, I say proceed with caution if you do not want to deal with the fact that and you plug in the one that fits your life. You lost your job. You got a divorce. You had financial issues. You are bitter or negative. You are not happy. You are not forgiving. You are an ingrate. You do not really love yourself. You broke up with that guy who you absolutely thought was "the one." You don't like your job. You have given your all to everyone around you and have no idea what you like or who you are. You have a nasty attitude. You have commitment issues. You pretend to be one way so that people will accept you. You are settling for him because you don't think you can do any better. You are in that bad marriage/relationship because you are afraid of being alone. You cry yourself to sleep.

Go on and pretend that it didn't happen or that it is not happening. After the initial good feelings of a new year, a new beginning rhetoric ends, you are going to be stuck with the same ole you!

Happy New Year!

P.S. If you need help devising a plan to improve your relationship with yourself (the most important relationship you will have besides the one with God) or improve your romantic relationship, go to www.choosingmrwrong.com to check out my virtual coaching sessions Welcome 2016 Introductory Offer!!!